EasyBlog

Yor does not come from the future. He comes from over there. Sorry for the spoiler. He is still awesome. The ladies love him, the men fear him and Yor believes himself to be the most rad dude of all time and he might be right.

Yor is one of those wacky Italian movies that believes to be a good idea with a good story but is just a mess of silly business. Yor bounces smugly from scene to scene veritably stating directly to the audience, "Hey, did you know I'm awesome? Cause I am." His motivations aren't clear, his actions are bonkers, and his idiom is dubious. He's great. He even has his own awesome theme song (Yor's World) that rivals "Do You Want to Be a Hero" from Biggles: Adventure in Time and "Stargrove" from Never Too Young To Die.

For years, Sam has been praising Yor: The Hunter from the Future and now its finally time to share it's hunky goodness with the rest of the world. Let the scantily clad ladies fill our eyeballs. Plus we don't talk about Star Wars OR Christmas!

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

• Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films - Netflix
• Cannonball Run II - Hulu Plus
• Timeline - Netflix
• 36th Chamber of Shaolin - Netflix

The Great Superpower Debate

The Super Penis

Four buddies with superpowers given to them by an alien that may or may not be mentally handicapped, have to team up to stop poop monsters from making people get icky tummies. Really, that's the movie. Wow....

In our first 2 parter ever, we break down 2003's Dreamcatcher. This movie is insanity. There is just about everything you want in a bad movie in this one. It is a scosh too long but this one's got it all with the combination of the stupid plot, the bad acting, the cheesy movie monster (it comes out butts), the dubiousness of Morgan Freeman and Tom Sizemore's characters, and Dudditts. Wow, Duddits. We love you, Duddits.

Duddits is the man of the week as we go back to one of the most surprisingly bad (we mean bad) blockbusters of all time. It's 2003's Stephen King based Dreamcatcher starring every single actor ever!

I gotta admit, whomever cut that trailer did an epic job of polishing a turd. It really looks like a good movie. Way to mask all the poop monster stuff!

An Internet meme gets its own movie which is supposed to be a Christmas movie but isn't. How long will it be before Lifetime calls us for the first Stinker Madness movie?

This film sucks, even by Lifetime Channel or made for TV standards. It's truly torturous. Strike one is talking animals. Strike two is the unending "jokes" that Grumpy Cat makes usually involving breaking the 4th wall. Strike three is the movie has nothing to do with Christmas. Take the Christmas decorations out of the mall and the movie remains completely unchanged. Even Kirk Cameron can make a movie about Xmas.

Jingle bells all and merry Decemberween to you. Jackie brings in a Lifetime Channel original Xmas movie starring a cat who is an Internet meme. It can't be awful right? Talking animals, the magic of Xmas and a network notorious for making awful cheese family fests?

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

• Star Trek: Nemesis - Netflix
• Mortdecai - EPIX
• On Her Majesty's Secret Service - Hulu Plus

The Great Superpower Debate

Super Fast Wardrobe and Makeup Changing

Some guy who is NOT named Biggle's has ONE adventure in just ONE time. So with an inaccurate title, we travel back and forth to 1917 to defeat the Nazi's secret sound weapon that makes things too hot. Don't ask too many questions.

Biggle's on paper sounds like a missed gem from our youth. The idea of a man named Biggle's traveling through time and having hijinx sounds like it would become your favorite movie when you're 12. Apparently the books are exactly that. But this movie is not. Biggle's is not the protagonist. It's a guy named Jim Ferguson who somehow gets transported back and forth from the present to 1917. So even he doesn't have "Adventures in Time" He just goes back to ONE time. So if you are looking for a sillier Bill and Ted's, you're not going to get it.

Brought to you by Timelonel, the best cure for time travel headaches and Ted Stevens, Time Gigolo

This week Sam brings in one of his favorite movies from his childhood called Biggles. It's a time travel movie that desired to combine Indiana Jones with Back to the Future. Sounds like a recipe for success to us!

Mac and Me is truly a turd. We didn't like it at all. Sorry about that.

The movie fails on so many levels especially for a children's movie. The complete lack of a relationship between the clone of ET's Elliot and MAC left us scratching our heads wondering why the characters try to do anything for MAC. All MAC and his family do to the protagonist family is fuck shit up. Twice the main child dies and twice he is saved by the "MACs" but he wouldn't remember either time as he was clearly dead, so one can't use that as an argument.

Show opener - Justin has lost his ability to do anything but play Fallout 4 and Jackie is left with no choice but to go on Sammy Jesse Raphael.

It's the final film in our 3 piece "Monster Buds" series and we close with a film we've been planning on since we started the podcast. It's the tale of a film executives trying to cash in on the buzz of ET (a film no one on Stinker Madness likes) so odds are pretty low that we'll enjoy this one.

C.H.O.M.P.S. is like a slow painful death from a stab wound in the tummy while getting your head pressed in an iron maiden. It's awful. Even if you are a dog lover, you will want this annoyance to cease to exist within 30 minutes. 

Seriously, Jackie and Justin own 3 dogs and they are part of our family. We are huge dog lovers. But nothing can excuse this little bastard. You want him to die and when he finally explodes you instead of feeling bad, are thrilled because its at least a few minutes where you don't have to be assaulted visually and aurally by this movie. 

Part 2 of our Monster Buds series and this time its a robot dog with superpowers played by an actual dog. That can't be a recipe for disaster in any possible way!

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

• Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge - Netflix
• Creepshow 3 - Hulu Plus
• The Colombian Connection - Amazon Prime
• Senorita Justice - Amazon Prime

Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor

• Beethoven the Dog - Beethoven
• Hooch - Turner & Hooch
• Kujo - Kujo

About C.H.O.M.P.S. - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

The poster for CHOMPS features a sheep dog with a stick of dynamite in it’s mouth while either being struck by or shooting out at least 6 lightning bolts.  I can’t see it paying off, six lightning bolts should get an R rating.

When you absolutely must rescue your vague kingdom from a usurper with unknown motivations and restore your position as the supreme ruler of the lands, reach for a Galgameth statue and squirt some tears on it. Just make sure you don't ever go near an ocean. It's the Adventure or Legend or just Galgameth and he's one family friendly Kaijū!

Galgameth is one of those movies that has no target audience. It's too dumb and childish for adults but has too many adult themes for little kids. The protagonist is a pre-teen but there's too much cutesy stuff to fit that demographic. It's like there's a 2 week window when a boy is about 11 and isn't sure if they should be kissing girls or playing with action figures that this movie might work for.

It may be called Galgameth or it might be called The Adventures of Galgameth or it might be called The Legend of Galgameth; who's to say? Either way, it's the start of our "Monster Bud" 3 episode series. It involves a fantasy tale about a boy who gets a dragon who grows by eating metal. So we'll see how that works out.

Sorry about the awful audio quality. Our new mixer is total crap.

Spookies is the very last of our Octoberween 3 bad horror movies of 2015 and what the hell do we say about this POS? Well it stinks.

This is just one of those hot messes that some people will love and some will hate. There is some pretty fantastic moments and then there are others that are long and drawn out and get a little tedious. Some of the makeup and effects look great, some others look terrible. The good news is that none of it makes a lick of sense.

57 Channels and Monsters On is how we kick off this episode. No Springsteen didn't make it.

Its almost time kids. Just one more day until Halloween. So get a warm cup of pumpkin cider and curl up with a ridiculous podcast and an even more ridiculous movie. It's 1986's Spookies. Apparently it stars a bevvy of kooky monsters attacking a band of idiots. 

Lestat, a vampire, falls in love. That's it. The end. Podcast over. Really that's all that happens in this film. It is truly one of the most uneventful things ever viewed by man. It's a complete snooze fest.

It may seem like important things are going on. But really it is just guys and girls moving incredibly slow (so they look sexy, I guess) and overacting. Or perhaps they are compensating for the huge teeth crammed into the actor's mugs. Speaking of actors...

It's week 2 of our 3 episode Halloween trio of horribleness. This week Aaliyah stars in a sexy vampire movie called Queen of the Damned from 2002. While it avoided the Razzies completely this film was still quite pandered by critics but in the years since has gained a pretty heavy cult following. Is it because its filled with annoying glitter vampires or is there some merits to the shenanigans?

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

• Private School - HBO Now
• Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror - Youtube
• Dark Was the Night - Netflix
• Motel Hell - Amazon & EPIX

Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor

• Casper, the Friendly Ghost - Casper
• Slimer - Ghostbusters
• The Wolfman - The Wolfman

About Queen of the Damned - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

The film is a loose adaptation of the second and third books of Anne Rice’s The Vampire Chronicles, taking its name from the third novel. Anne Rice is known as a writer of high class, a chief example would be her novel; The Taking of Sleeping Beauty, where sleeping beauty is woken not by a kiss but by a dude humping her comatose body. Which, to get sidetracked, if you haven’t seen Almodivar’s Talk to Her, you should check that out. In 2005, she started a new series entitled: Christ the Lord, it chronicles the early life of Jesus. I just can’t imagine. There is a chance that it is just a gussied up fill in the blanks, there is a larger chance that Jesus walks into the desert and finds so many other young men. She might just turn the desert into a metaphor for an activity that is hot and dry…

Gramps and Tucker from the If We Made It podcast join us for a Bad Movie Field trip with the most successful film of 2015, Jurassic World. It's been labeled by the geniuses of the Internet as a cinematic milkshake of bad movie tropes and not carrying the spirit of 1993's Jurassic Park. We ask, "What do you want from a monster movie?"

Jurassic World at its core is just plain silly. The employees are all buffoons, the CEO may be the worst one of all time, and Chris Pratt's jungle man routine is about as preposterous as Donald Trump being President. It's all just silly. Critics and haters alike complain about the film not taking itself seriously enough and Bryce Dallas Howard traipsing through jungles and stepping in dino doo doo in high heels, with a bevy of buzzwords like one-dimensional, cliche, and lackluster. Perhaps you should just stick with Kurosawa films, it's a friggin movie about dinosaurs eating people! You can claim that your precious Jurassic Park is a film about taking science too far without considering the consequences but ask any child (which is the franchise's target market, not you Beardy) and they will tell you its about dinosaurs eating people.

Tom Atkins stars as a mustache-ride-given hacker doctor detective with the help of a young woman who may or may not be an android to take down a Irish/Californian novelty gift manufacturer who wants to use the powers of Stonehenge to transform millions of children into bugs and snakes. Don't come for Michael Meyers, stay for the endless sea of questions.

The movie is completely silly. The plot of ridiculous and with each moment the viewer is just presented more and more questions. It's like the entire run of Lost or the heads of the Hydra. When you answer one question, five more questions sprout up. Each character's motivations are pretty confusing not to mention who the hell they are. Why is Tom Atkins the detective? Why is he alcoholic? Is the girl a robot the entire time? If so, why does she lead Tom Atkins directly to the Silver Shamrock Corp? Does Silver Shamrock murder children or do they just become bugs and snakes? If its murder, then is it murder by teleporting bugs and snakes into their brains? Just writing these questions make me think of more. We could spend 900 pages in just questions.