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Clive Barker’s Nightbreed is the cinematic equivalent of an overstuffed trunk at a goth rave—wildly imaginative, beautifully adorned, and totally incapable of deciding what it wants to be. Packed with jaw-dropping creature designs, luscious makeup work, and a thrilling Danny Elfman score that pulses with dark fantasy energy, Nightbreed sets the table for a full-course horror feast. Unfortunately, the meal comes out half-cooked thanks to tonal confusion and a protagonist who drifts through the story like a half-deflated pool float.

Adapted from Barker’s novella Cabal, the film tells the story of Boone, a tormented man drawn to the subterranean world of Midian—a hidden city of monsters, outcasts, and literal night-breed. It wants to be a dark fairytale, a slasher, and a misunderstood superhero origin story all at once. And it kind of is... but not in a good way. Serial killer subplots rub awkwardly against messianic chosen-one arcs, while police shootouts interrupt poetic monster mythology. It’s like watching Hellraiser crash into X-Men, then take a wrong turn through Copland.

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Once again, those randy monsters try to break into an underground lab of dubious intent and the only man whose ever fought them does nothing to help anyone but himself to some horny waste-lander. But this time, he fathers his own monster baby. Daddy's home, sucka!

Continuing the story of David, one of two survivors from Mojave Lab of the first film, we find him on his way to Rocky Mountain Lab where he plans to spend the rest of his days on a weekend booty/peyote hunt. I guess they don't have vaccines to the virus that killed all of mankind but now they have a method of creating one. The sole missing ingredient comes from cacti that he must gather for them on his way. As one could predict his journey is hampered by the monsters as well as a cult that sacrifices hot ladies to the monster's lusty ways in order to save themselves (that doesn't make sense). He meets a randy lady who comforts his grief for the world by offering up her luscious bits. She manages to get pregnant with his child only to later have the monster have his way with her creating a super mutant monster baby within her. The terror!

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A NATO team of the least qualified sea-men (giggle) take the Beatle's submarine down to the depths of the sea and find some icky monsters, hungry starfish and love. Of course they do.

So some might call the Rift a Leviathan and Deep Star Six knockoff, but we see this as much more of an Aliens knockoff, which becomes its fatal flaw. The plot is just so familiar and could take place in space just as easily as it does it under the sea. You've got the expedition into tunnels with an unknown monster patrol ahead. You've got the "military wants the monster for biological warfare" yadda, yadda. You've got the ship breaking down due to sabotage, yadda yadda. It gets tedious just watching Aliens again.

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Dwayne is back into being the charming, super-ripped, former Special Forces, who has more ability to punch a monster in the face than follow social norms. This time he's playing the role of 15th guy from the 4th level of the original video game. Plus 3 monsters destroy Chicago and Don Jr. makes his acting debut.

Thanks to the incredibly bad decisions of corporate scientist CEOs (whatever that is), we are treated to three genetically mutated former critters that eventually get to big and start smashing crap. You can imagine what that's like. So let's talk about everything else.