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Its twists! Its turns! Its lefts and rights! Its yields to oncoming traffics. Its Acme Fake Tunnels slapped onto the side of a cliffs! Ben Afflecks and Charlizes try to give us a shocker and instead we get the upper decker.

Reindeer Games is such a pile of mess. On one side you've got "that friend" that watches this on TNT one night (usually while wishing they were invited to the party you're throwing but you intentionally didn't because they can't play in any reindeer games, OMG you're a total dick, dude) then later comes to you and begs you to watch it with them and then stares at you the whole time until 'the big reveal' and then waits for you to react - you don't and they are shocked. You're not the type of person who will be shocked (you listen to Stinker Madness and know your stuff) and so you're relationship gets even more strained but you feel guilty because of that one time when you were really hard up after your girlfriend (that you thought was at least a 9 but was really more like a 6 and just had a solid set of cans) dumped you for a bartender for a biker bar in a different county and this friend let you stay on their couch while you cried yourself to sleep for three days about 15 years ago. Thanks Frankenheimer!

It's one of the crappiest movies ever to have such vast success. Thanks teenage girls. This movie is a whole lot of visual pain and my brain hurts from knowing how stupid it is. Get ready for some real crummy science!

The science....just one time open a book. Just once! So many explosions in space. So much NASA looking completely stupid. Ugh. Moving on...

This week on the greatest podcast about bad movies, Sam decides to punish us for 2 1/2 hours with both Michael Bay and Bruce Willis' first appearance on the show. It's the "classic" teenage-girl loving mega-hit, Armageddon, in which a rock gets sploded by oil drillers. Prepare for some bad science! 

Streaming Dos and Don'ts

• The Colony - Netflix
• Mazes and Monsters - Amazon Prime
• Space Mutiny - Netflix (MST3K) 

The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

• The Iron Foot - 7.25/10 stars

About Armageddon - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Knock knock?
Who’s there?
Armageddon.
Armageddon Who?
Armageddon on your nerves yet? If not give me another 2 and a half hours.

The Razzie sweeping film chock full of idiots, invades! We get Bennifer all over the place and its icky. This film currently (as of Feb. 2015) sits at #71 on the IMDB Bottom 100, so is it the as bad as it's setup or is it just Bennifer backlash?

The plot concept of the film is that one low level mafia guy (whose job is to make phone calls and hang out at restaurants) hires two other lower level mafia guys (Affleck and JLO) to kidnap and babysit a mentally handicapped teen brother, Brian, of a federal prosecutor. The hope is that this federal prosecutor will back off of the head mafia guy (Al Pacino). This plot is the first flaw with Gigli as it is completely dumb. Its revealed later that even Al Pacino's character thinks this was a terrible plan as it wouldn't work so therefore its just best to get rid of Brian and pretend like nothing happened....so there is no plot then?

The second problem of the film is the characters. They are all also completely retarded. Larry Gigli (Affleck) is despicable. He appears to have only been "thugging" for a few weeks as he has very little job skills. He's not prepared for the kidnapping/babysitting job as he completely doesn't understand how mentally handicapped people work and he's not evil enough to cut Brian up and send Brian-Bits to his brother. JLO is a verbally staunch lesbian that talks about how dumb weiners are but than later caves due to "words" said by Gigli. She is also completely not prepared for this assignment. Lewis appears to be the real idiot of the whole movie. He seems to be new to the mafia business. He's only got two employees (Gigli and JLO) and he doesn't know them at all so the whole thing is new. Plus he isn't working with Al Pacino so he appears to be a bad guy freelancer. He's probably getting jobs off Odesk of E-Lance. Al Pacino is also dumb as he has no actual talent working for him because he would otherwise just whack freelancing Gigli, JLO, Lewis and Brian and then come up with an actual plan.