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Two truckers (an old hat and a young buck) and a waitress manage to defeat an army of the most unstoppable killing machines, which even the Predator wouldn't stand a chance against, using the rules of the space highway. Honk, honk, pew, pew!

What you've got here is a decent stinker but gets bogged down by how awesome it SHOULD be. It's called Space Truckers. That should be enough to make it amazing. Then Stuart Gordon is directing. I'm no huge lover of Gordon and think most of his projects are just ok, but he's competent enough that he could helm a movie called Space Truckers and not make it not amazing. Tack on Dennis Hopper, who is honestly either great or terrible and either would work here. 

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Patrick Swayze says Dalton was a weiner and gifts us the pyschopathic, blood-lusting, and man of the road - Jack Cruise. Along the way Meatloaf delivers his best, but still manages to get Asahi Guy murdered and bankrupts his own villainy scheme before it gets started.

Lets just get this out of the way - Black Dog is fantastic and is one of the few shining examples of perfectly bad in every way. Every bit of it is inept from the music, the casting, the script, the acting, the directing and the editing and has the "it" factor on all those elements for bad movie fans. It's a glorious seam-less mess that you couldn't set out to do such a bad job and have it work so well together. It's stunningly perfect and beautiful and a complete train-wreck.

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All of the truckers team up to drive down the road hauling goods and.... freedom? Let's try that again. A bunch of cops chase a bunch of truckers down the highway because of their flagrant....trucking? Ok, ok, ok. Got it - Truckers Truck!

Seriously the plot of Convoy is one of the most dubious we've ever reviewed. One might argue that about 20 minutes of the movie actually has a plot of outrunning the law who wants to kill a fellow trucker because of abuse of power and racism, but that plot lasts for only a brief period. Within minutes of that plot being put together, the film shifts into Forrest Gump running across the US with people joining him because they think he's got all the answers. At no point, does anyone have a clue why they've joined a mega-convoy of truckers and why anyone cares about them.

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Chuck Norris launches his career by kicking lots of people in the chest and calling in his truckin' buddies to run a town over - yes the entire town. It's about as weird movie as you can get and hilarious throughout. Come on back, big rigger!

Now you can probably guess how much trucking vs. karate there is in the film and how silly the the combo of the two working together looks on screen. So let's go past that and talk solely about the villainy. The plot revolves around this town that has gone off the deep-end and has essentially declared independence from the state of California. Fine. What their deepest flaw is that they have no idea how to be bad guys. Their evil plot is to hijack truckers, steal their tv dinners, eat the tv dinners, crush the $80,000 truck in a crusher, sell the metal for $200, make moonshine, dump the moonshine on the ground, drink Wild Turkey instead and operate their legal system in the same manner as The Spanish Inquisition. There's no way that a band of truckers are going to run your town over - nope, this plan is perfect!....they said as the FBI is swarming them and filling each citizen full of hot lead.

Truck stops, crummy arm wrestling, and terrible parenting make up this weeks stinker and P.U. does this one stink! Stallone plays a mediocre trucker, a "good" arm-wrestler and maybe the worst parent ever. How the hell Leonard Part 6 won the Razzie over this turd is a travesty.

So the film revolves around Lincoln Hawk (Stallone) and his son, Michael (David Mendenhall), rekindling their relationship after 10 years of neglect. They do this by truckin' and arm wrastling. As children actor's go, David Mendenhall is pretty bad. You'd really like to step on this kid within 4 minutes of the film. It's very fitting that Stallone's Lincoln Hawk appears to completely ignore the existence of him as his son.

The relationship between the two of these people is astounding. One minute it is just preposterous as Hawk is such a total dirtbag to his son (he's late to his child's graduation because he's gotta take his shirt off and wash his truck) and the next minute is super creepy with child cuddling in a truck cab. Ick. It also tells us that a child's relationship with his father is much more important than the future of the child's life. Michael starts the film out by graduating from military school with honors and finishes the film by giving up everything to become a truck-driving arm wrestler. Nice. Maybe the film is an accurate depiction of how awful awful awful parents can really screw up a child. Or maybe it's just that someone doesn't know how to make a character likable in any way.

Justin, Jackie and Sam gear up for some truckin' and arm wrastlin' with Sly Stallone's "Over the Top".  We also add more Netflix Dos and Don'ts, plus Stinker Thinkers, and Sam introduces us to the "Big Time TF"