"High Concept" apparently means "really stupid and poorly thought out".
Junior (1994) is a film that desperately tries to blend comedy, science fiction, and social commentary but ends up being a tedious and unenjoyable mess. Despite the star power of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, and Emma Thompson, this movie falls flat in nearly every aspect, leaving the audience bored and disappointed.
Grace Jones shows up as not Red Sonja in one of the most loathed films from both Schwaz and the beloved Swords and Sorcery genre. I blame Dino....again.
Is it worth $4 to watch this movie? You’ll have to make it to the end of the podcast for that full evaluation. Is it worth watching if you already have access to it? Yes. This was one of my most hated films. For years I’ve called it Conan the Babysitter.
Its Schwazenator vs Y2k fears! The epic battle begins! Meanwhile, Gabriel Byrne gets a handful.
So what we've got here is that Satan wants to ensure that the Anti-Christ's mom is gonna be good to go when she's old enough for a rogering. The PROBLEM is that it takes about 15 views to understand that. The film is mostly just nonsense action sequences that could very well be just unconnected events if one isn't taking notes on the dialogue (or listening to a podcast discussing this all).
After years of steering well clear of one of the most notoriously bad movies of all time, we finally tackle the most butt and crotch heavy superhero movie ever made. Clooney brings the turtle-neck and somehow manages to not push Robin and Bat-Girl off the rooftops. Is it possible this isn't the torture-fest we expected?
In short - yes! It isn't the torture-fest we expected. We actually had quite a bit of fun with this turd. Don't take us incorrectly, this is a travesty, but after 22 years its inching itself into the "so bad its good" category. There's just so much wrong with it that really the only thing holding it back is Robin & Batgirl who are painfully annoying. If the movie had just been Clooney blowing it and Schwaz just hamming it up, it might be in the hall of fame.
Despite its satirical nature and heavy social commentary, The Running Man drops the ball (or the hockey puck) before the goal and trips into the net, bashes into the goalpost, gets the ball stuck in its facemask, and suffers multiple self-inflicted concussions. Well...at least it didn't murder it's ex-wife and her lover. WHOA!! TOO SOON!
1987's The Running Man is one of those "oh, so close" to being good films, but as we see time and time again, men in ties get in the way and say "We gotta ham this up! We got Arnold so its has to be stupid, right?" There is just enough left of Stephen King's novella in here that you feel like you should be able to see past the caricature of entertainment and find meaning in its messages. Time for some deep reflection, right? Well no. Time to slap your forehead in missed opportunity grief.
It was Schwaz' first box office flop and put up the current standard of spending way too much money on film marketing. It ranks high upon the worst returns of all film history. Yet there is a good film here and could have been a hidden gem -- had it not been for Danny and coming into "our world."
When you think of the holidays, you always think of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Maybe you just think of Arnold all the time. Which fits perfectly into the Xmas spirit theme for this film -- don't learn any lessons of Christmas, don't change how you feel about life and commit heinous crimes in the search of consumerism that you fail to accomplish.
Beyond how unbelievably bad it is overtly, I mostly want to talk about its failures for being a Christmas movie (as is tradition for our holiday specials). The primary problem here is that it can't even be an Xmas movie. It's a movie that takes place during Christmas (kiss my ass, all who say Die Hard is a Christmas movie), but it fails to achieve any Spirit of Christmas themes (hell, even The Star Wars Holiday Special manages that).
Conan rides through your screen once again but this time he's named Kalidor and he's not the main character. Instead, a non-action star shows us what non-action looks like in the least adventurous adventure movie ever made. Swords & Sandals? Check. Visual Valium? You betcha.
I don't know how this movie stinks so bad. It has your typical lady-hero plot of sword & sandal genre staples. Revenge for burning down the village. Ok. Wait, the villain burned down the village for subtle lesbian motivations? Wow, that sounds super hot. Well....it's not.
This is "walking around" the movie. Look, Frodo & Samwise walk to Mordor for a vacation from paradise and you can't take your eyes off it. Here, the entire world is about to be destroyed by cracking apart (again because of a jilted lesbian) and you can't keep awake.
For the most part, this is the fault of two people: 1) Dino De Laurentiss and 2) Brigidette Nielsen. Dino edited forced this turd out because he apparently couldn't get anything made that didn't involve Conan. And then Nielsen's terrible line delivery and even worse sword-fighting. The entire time she looks like she's afraid of the script (with good reason) and her sword hitting her in the face. This is not an action lady, folks. See Geena Davis in Cutthroat Island for more realistic stunts. Blech.
So long story short, this is just folks walking around. At best this is fun only because of the incredibly dubious plot, the fantastic matte-work, and the bonkers costumes and set design. Hope you don't like things happening in a film!
Over the top action:
Cheesy effects:
Horrendous acting:
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Good Movie Quality:
Bad Movie Quality:
Our good movie friend Tucker (If We Made It Podcast) stops by to discuss one of the greatest/stupidest action movies of all time. Be prepared for ridiculous (hilarious) Arnold impressions.
Commando is so iconic and such a staple in "men with guns" movies that it's hard to avoid and impossible to dislike. It's level of over-the-top is unequaled that for the next 15 years in film, every action movie attempts to be Commando but none have come close. It's the model, but at the same time it's SOOOOO stupid.
To purge ourselves from the misery of last weeks movie we dowse ourselves in awesomeness and then light ourselves on fire (that was all figurative, in no way do we endorse lighting yourself on fire...unless you're a total tool, then go for it) and let Arnold take the show over it the quintessential action movie of the 1980s (maybe even ever) but still incredibly dumb, Commando.
Mark L. Lester is making his second, but most likely not last visit, to Stinker Madness from the directors chair. His first film we covered was, of course, Showdown in Little Tokyo. This week's film Commando, is among his most popular, along side the cult classic Class of 1984 and the John Candy vehicle, Armed and Dangerous. Fortunately for us Lester is still turning out stinkers. His most recent effort is 2014's Dragons of Camelot, and it looks like a lot, of bull shit.
75 old guys and a handful of "youths" blow some stuff up, make poopy-faces, and break through the 4th wall WAY too many times. We go to the theater and expend $3 for one of the biggest flops of 2014.
So it appears indeed that the team behind EX3 completely walked away from what made the series great. First, it's PG-13. Then instead of giving us old guys that we know and want to see, we are giving a team of young nobodies who's characters are about as kick-ass as warm lemonade. The stunts don't really get going until the last sequence and there's just too much damn CGI in it. Guys go back to what you built your career off - one-liners (that don't break through the 4th wall), crazy action sequences (that are shoot well with good stunts - not just shaking the camera around), and actual action stars (not Kelsey Grammar and Mel Gibson -even though they deliver the best performances in the movie). Still this movie is a total do...in the theater or on DVD when it comes out, NOT by illegally downloading it, you unholy pieces of Simon Cowell shit.
Over the top action:
Cheesy effects:
Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
Memorable one-liners:
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