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End of Days

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Its Schwazenator vs Y2k fears! The epic battle begins! Meanwhile, Gabriel Byrne gets a handful.

So what we've got here is that Satan wants to ensure that the Anti-Christ's mom is gonna be good to go when she's old enough for a rogering. The PROBLEM is that it takes about 15 views to understand that. The film is mostly just nonsense action sequences that could very well be just unconnected events if one isn't taking notes on the dialogue (or listening to a podcast discussing this all).

The late 90's...why did you have to ruin every silly movie with your dark pre-apocalyptic tones?!?! End of Days is a cheesy Arnold movie that would have been a classic if it had been made 10 years earlier. But the damn 90's ruined it. You can expect common fair such as jump scares, choppy editing, a hero that hates his life outside the events of the film, and trench coats. Change these things to big hair, exploding choppers and electronic drum kits while leaving every thing else the same we've got a classic stinker. Argh.

The action is silly, the plot is nonsense, none of the movie's rules get followed, the one-liners are solid, the dialogue is atrocious and Robin Tunney's top is off. That's enough to pay for the price of admission - but just expect to deal with going through a Se7en wannabe, just like every other movie from this time period.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:3-star
Cheesy effects:3-star
Horrendous acting:3-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:2-star
Ridiculous stunts:3-star
Gratuitous nudity:2-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star
Nonsensical Plot:4-star
Riffability:4-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 4-star
Bad Movie Quality:7-star

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Thursday, 22 April 2021

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