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A great movie if you're part of the "under the sweater/over the bra" crowd, but even they won't remember that they saw it.

Tarot (2024) is an absolute masterclass in how not to make a horror movie unless you are just providing background noise for teenagers to make out. If you ever wondered what happens when you throw every horror cliché, plot hole, and half-baked character motivation into a blender, this is it. The result is a film so dumb and poorly thought out that it almost circles back around to being entertaining—for all the wrong reasons.

From the get-go, Tarot feels like a checklist of horror tropes. Creepy old woman? Check. Spooky house? Check. Jump scares every five minutes? Double check. It’s as if the writers Googled "horror clichés" and decided to use every single one, especially stealing from Evil Dead and Final Destination. But that’s not even the worst of it. The plot is an incoherent mess, with gaping holes large enough to drive a truck through. Characters make baffling decisions with motivations that seem to change depending on the scene—or, more likely, on the whims of whoever was holding the pen that day.

The acting? Let’s just say that calling it appalling might be too kind. Every line is delivered with the enthusiasm of someone who just realized they left the oven on at home. The humor, if you can call it that, is cringeworthy at best. It feels like the movie is trying desperately to be self-aware, but instead, it comes off as painfully awkward.

And yet... there’s something about Tarot that makes it oddly watchable, at least for certain audiences. If you’re a fan of bad movies, you’ll probably find some enjoyment in how ridiculous it all is. It’s also the perfect flick for teenagers looking for an excuse to make out in the back row of the theater while pretending to watch the screen.

In short, Tarot is a trainwreck of a horror film, but if you enjoy watching a disaster unfold, you might just find yourself entertained—for all the wrong reasons.

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I'm sorry, I already forgot everything about this movie. And so will you.

"A Family Affair" (2024) is a film that struggles to rise above mediocrity in almost every aspect. From its trite and mundane script to its overall tone and feel, which screams Hallmark Original, this movie is a disappointment on multiple levels.

We get straight to weezin' the juice as a caveman gets called out for being, well...a caveman. It's that old story of boy meets girl, boy gets frozen in a glacier and then boy meets potheads and learns the wonders of the doobage.

Encino Man is a movie that shouldn't be any fun at all. But it is. End of story. It has that strange ability to be not funny but fun throughout. It's outlandish, ridiculous, and stupid but never stops being a wild ride.

Paul Verhoeven had a vision for a caricature of a Fascist future society and totally nails it in the guise of a silly space battle movie. Toss in a 3 way love story with incredibly strong and easy to care for characters, exceptional acting and you've got one of hell of a good movie.

Why then is this movie on Stinker Madness? Well because in 1997 the critics and Sam and Justin made a single mistake; they didn't get this movie. The world wasn't ready for Starship Troopers. We were expecting a film adaptation of the Robert Heinlein science fiction novel of the same title. We weren't expecting a high school football game with backflips. We weren't expecting children smashing beetles and mothers laughing maniacally at it. We weren't expecting Robocop and Total Recall with a serious story and moral statement. So it was panned by critics. Thus making it a "bad movie". But it truly is a masterpiece in pop culture.

Dalton gets brought into make a bar even less fun, get paid way too much, prevent alcohol from being served and then rip everyone's throats out. It's the bad movie classic Road House, 5 time Razzie nominee starring Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliot.

This is one of the most viewed and loved bad movies of all time and there's a reason it's so popular. It's ridiculous. It's one hell of a good time. The action is over the top, the dialogue is hilarious, the acting is a atrocious and the plot of completely stupid. It's fantastic. There's so many problems with the story but I'll try to name just a couple:

Presented by The Antiques Road House. Dalton stops by to help analyze some precious valuables.

This episode we get a preview of the 1988 classic stinker, Road House, starring Patrick Swayze, Sam Elliot and Ben Gazarra. It's a whole hodown at the Double Deuce bar. How many bottles will we smash over each other's heads?

The very first Razzie winner gets an in depth look and wow, is it bad. It truly is worse than Xanadu (which we feel is quite the achievement). Its a fake biopic of how the Village People became successful but has no basis of reality. And we should mention that its super gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

The film builds a universe that is not something we want to have anything to do with. People don't have jobs, people just come in and out of people's homes, random people off the street get pulled into parties without wanting to come to and people have NO concept of how anything works in real life. New York is built to be Camelot from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail (Never mind, let's not go to Camelot. Ti's a silly place.) We would not like to go there.

Presented by Behind the Music: The Village People. In this in depth look, we learn about the Village People's little known 7th member, the Homophobe.

Jackie chooses yet another movie with crazy costumes and singin' and dancin'. But will the very first Razzie winner scare her away from making the same mistakes as A Star is Born and Xanadu? Or will a bunch of gay men that can actually sing and dance win over Sam's fear of disco? Check out Can't Stop the Music currently on Netflix and join in on the fun with us.

Take beavers, add radioactive waste, a cabin in the woods scenario and you've got the idea behind Zombeavers. Add annoying characters, a series of missed opportunities, confusion on what the film is trying to do, doing the dog in the wrong way, and far too many unintentional cliches to be bothered with. If you enjoyed films like Cabin Fever, Cabin in the Woods, or Dale and Tucker Versus Evil then this film is a platform for disappointment. This is much more like Wolf Cop. Bummer.

The primary problem with the film is that it doesn't know what it is. Is it a comedy that takes a satirical look at all of the tropes of your typical budget monster movie? Or is it just a crapped out, lazily written horror movie that doesn't bother to create anything new other than that the antagonist is furry beavers? There's points of the movie where you think "Oh good they get it and this is going to be fun" such as the opening with John Mayer and Bill Burr, or bothering with much of a scientific explanation of the beavers being zombies or instead of when bitten you just become a zombie of whatever species you are, you become a zombeaver version of whatever species you are. But then it trips over a plethora of plot details that get setup but go absolutely no where or fail to deliver the right joke that is blatantly staring the audience right in the face. Its like someone is pitching the script perfectly at a writer who has never swung a bat before. Swing and miss. Swing and miss.

Presented by Tap, Tap and View, the latest mobile app that allows you to obsessively play tappy freemium games on your mobile device without missing a moment of whatever crappy movie your friends and family are watching.

This week the Internet sensation, Zombeavers, hits Netflix and we are hopeful for its furry goodness. Will it be as fun and satirical as 2002's Cabin Fever, or will it deliver a great title but also a series of missed opportunities and cliches like 2014's Wolf Cop? With irradiated undead woodland critters what could possibly go wrong?

Coming soon from Stinker Studios - Vampires and Vixens, the Russ Meyer movie they didn't want you to see!

We prepare this week for the rated X Russ Meyer classic, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Jackie recently saw "Life Itself", the documentary about Roger Ebert and now she thinks Beyond the Valley of the Dolls may be the greatest thing to ever exist. Sam and Justin have already seen it and are on shaky ground. Who will be rewarded? Hopefully YOU, dear listener!

Brought to you by MegaB.U.T.T. - the elite force that takes over saving the world when Megaforce is just too busy doing nothing.

It's time to complete Karl's Inaction in Action trilogy with the tour de force that is Megaforce. Barry Bostwick and team must do........something? Sadly, there is no Streaming Do's and Don'ts but instead we've got some great tools to use to watch and record online movies free and legally.

Brought to you by Fast and Furious 74, in the future the Fast crew cast is completely replaced by robots, except Kurt Russell.

This week we travel back in time to 1955 to watch the Roger Corman classic, The Fast and the Furious. What's the tie-in to the current franchise? It appears to be a film about a car guy so maybe they are related?

Stinker Dos and Don'ts

• Blood of Beasts
• The Chaperone
• Dangerous Curves
• Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan

Pop Quiz Hot Shot

What is a:

The Razzie sweeping film chock full of idiots, invades! We get Bennifer all over the place and its icky. This film currently (as of Feb. 2015) sits at #71 on the IMDB Bottom 100, so is it the as bad as it's setup or is it just Bennifer backlash?

The plot concept of the film is that one low level mafia guy (whose job is to make phone calls and hang out at restaurants) hires two other lower level mafia guys (Affleck and JLO) to kidnap and babysit a mentally handicapped teen brother, Brian, of a federal prosecutor. The hope is that this federal prosecutor will back off of the head mafia guy (Al Pacino). This plot is the first flaw with Gigli as it is completely dumb. Its revealed later that even Al Pacino's character thinks this was a terrible plan as it wouldn't work so therefore its just best to get rid of Brian and pretend like nothing happened....so there is no plot then?

The second problem of the film is the characters. They are all also completely retarded. Larry Gigli (Affleck) is despicable. He appears to have only been "thugging" for a few weeks as he has very little job skills. He's not prepared for the kidnapping/babysitting job as he completely doesn't understand how mentally handicapped people work and he's not evil enough to cut Brian up and send Brian-Bits to his brother. JLO is a verbally staunch lesbian that talks about how dumb weiners are but than later caves due to "words" said by Gigli. She is also completely not prepared for this assignment. Lewis appears to be the real idiot of the whole movie. He seems to be new to the mafia business. He's only got two employees (Gigli and JLO) and he doesn't know them at all so the whole thing is new. Plus he isn't working with Al Pacino so he appears to be a bad guy freelancer. He's probably getting jobs off Odesk of E-Lance. Al Pacino is also dumb as he has no actual talent working for him because he would otherwise just whack freelancing Gigli, JLO, Lewis and Brian and then come up with an actual plan.

Brought to you by Larry Gigli's "The Hits Keep Coming" Hitman Services....sorta.

Gigli won MANY Razzie awards including Worst Picture. It sits at #71 on the IMDB Bottom 100. So we thought we'd give it a go. The plot seems awesome so we're pretty excited. Can it be THAT bad or was its poor reception be caused by "Beniffer" backlash?

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

• Detective Bureau 2-3: Go To Hell Bastards
• Sasquatch
• The Deadly Bees

Jackie's Rant

If you were going to remake The Beastmaster, who would you cast as Dar (Marc Singer), Kiri (Tanya Roberts), Maax (Rip Torn), and Seth (John Amos)? 

Watch the Movie on Netflix

Cynthia Rothrock builds a team of elite tough gals made up of Zoe Bell, Kristanna Loken, Vivica A. Fox, and Nicole Bilderback to take down a broad-shouldered Brigitte Nielsen who is hell bent on being the CEO of a bad-guy factory. With the power of plot convenience and inept villains, the team invade "The Citadel" to spring the kidnapped First Daughter and maybe some sex slaves.

So the movie achieves two things - becoming the best Asylum movie ever made and reminding us why the cast is still stuck in the C-list bracket. The acting can be quite bad, especially from Vivica A. Fox who reprises her role from Sharknado 2 as Hammered Shit. Cynthia Rothrock helps out by playing the top of the CIA, but choose the worst hair style of all time, usually found on 16 year girls from small towns in Nevada. Zoe Bell dons a poopy face through the whole thing because I guess that looks tough. However, Kristanna Loken, Nicole Bilderback and Brigitte Nielsen surprisingly do a really good job especially Nielsen who dispute going to hell in the looks department plays a very sinister and maniacal villain.

Presented by Nursenaries, for when you want your live-in care provider to be an ex-ass-kicking gun for hire. Kaboom, Grandpa!

This week we are turning to Netflix for the Christopher Olen Ray action lady team-up Mercenaries (Netflix Link), starring Cynthia Rothrock, Zoe Bell, Kristanna Loken, Vivica A. Fox, Bridgitte Nielsen and Nicole Bilderback. It's an Asylum film so we are a little nervous about it...

Netflix Do's and Don'ts

• The Enemy
• Hitman's Run
• Absolute Zero

Whatcho Talkin' Bout, Willis?

Must haves for a movie mercenary

Christopher Lambert (the T is silent apparently) dons the role of Beowulf and defends an outpost in the future or past from Grendel, one of the "damned" who is a monster surrounded by a fart cloud, and his super horny mother. To defeat this evil duo, Beowulf must use his endless array of MI6-like weapon/gadgets and a series of flips and hand-springs. How many denizens of the outpost will survive before Beowulf gets the job done (spoiler alert - just 1)?

Lambert gives us another shining example why he should be the lead role in every bad movie. He's awful. Seriously bad. He constantly has this look on his face that seems like he's just staring at nothing (it turns out he's legally blind) and his accent is like Tommy Wiseau had a baby with Shakira. He delivers each line like its the ultimate one-liner after killing the bad guy with a bazooka at the end of the film. Let me put it this way, Lorenzo Lamas and Michael Dudikoff are better actors. But Lambert steals the show with this method and we loved him for it.

The effects and fight choreography are completely ridiculous. Grendel looks like someone did a really nice job of creating a monster but some producer decided he wasn't evil enough so they put in a nice post-production green/purple fart cloud that envelopes him the whole movie. There's an incredible amount of backflips, cartwheels and hand-springs that Beowulf uses during fighting and all lead to him to getting punched in the face by Grendel. That's right, Grendel doesn't claw or bite or rip people apart; he punches them right in the face like he was Chuck Norris, while being a hulking mass covered in farts. It's amazing. 

Brought to you by "The Man Who Cared Too Much" - Starring Christopher Lambert

This week we prepare ourselves for the 1999 version of the classic poem with Christopher Lambert as the title character. Things to watch out for: How many back flips over the camera, how many times Lambert can't see anything, and how many times he cares too much. The movie is currently on Netflix so check it out and come back when we review the movie in full.

Netflix Do's and Don'ts

• Beowulf (2007)
• Iron Sky 
• Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (Part IV)
• Evolver

Real Important Question

What does "Best Picture" mean to you? What things do you look for in a film to make you think it should win "Best Picture"?

We get set for Academy Award winning Nic Cage to make his second appearance on the show in the 2006 thriller "The Wicker Man". And this show is all about Mr. Ex Coppola with the commercial and improv featuring guest appearance from the Ghost Rider himself.

It is also HIGHLY recommended to check out the 3 Minute Wicker Man video if you haven't seen this movie or don't have access to the whole film.