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Can't Stop the Music

Can't Stop the Music
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The very first Razzie winner gets an in depth look and wow, is it bad. It truly is worse than Xanadu (which we feel is quite the achievement). Its a fake biopic of how the Village People became successful but has no basis of reality. And we should mention that its super gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

The film builds a universe that is not something we want to have anything to do with. People don't have jobs, people just come in and out of people's homes, random people off the street get pulled into parties without wanting to come to and people have NO concept of how anything works in real life. New York is built to be Camelot from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail (Never mind, let's not go to Camelot. Ti's a silly place.) We would not like to go there.

The real badness of this film is that they try to, as Sam puts it, "knock the gay off the Village People". The gayness of this movie is the truly fun part of the film but it is so muffled by the stupid story and by trying to make the Village People's characters be straight men. If you went to see this movie wanting to see a film about gay men shaking their asses, then you won't get it. Its so stuffed with characters that truly don't matter to the plot of the film and scenes that don't matter to the plot. Which leads to a too-long film with only about 10 minutes of fun.

One of the 10 minutes of fun is one of the craziest things we've ever seen. If you've seen this film, you'll know what we are talking about without telling you. It's the YMCA scene. It's insane. Whoever was trying to hide the gay from this movie must have taken the day off when they shot this scene. It dials up the gay to 12.5. Most notably it's a PG movie with about 10 naked men in it. There's seriously a ton of dong (also some tits). I'm pretty sure the MPAA raters gave up on watching this film after about 20 minutes and were an hour away from rating this film a well deserved R. We can only imagine the amount of mothers that took their children to see this family-friendly film and then were presented with the YMCA scene. It evokes memories of Tyler Durden's theater projection booth job. 

So when the snooty cat, and the courageous dog, with the celebrity voices meet for the first time in reel three, that's when you'll catch a flash of Tyler's contribution to the film. 
A nice, big cock... 

This one is close to being a fun time but it just is too damn long with too much dull dialogue and terrible jokes to make it truly fun. The stars of the show are the actual Village People but it's too muddled up with character development and backstories of Morell (Guttenberg), Samantha (Valerie Perrine), and Ron (Jenner). It is required viewing for bad movie fans but don't expect a good time.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:0-star
Cheesy effects:0-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Ridiculous stunts:0-star
Gratuitous nudity:3-star
Memorable one-liners:3-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:5-star

Prelude to Corvette Summer
Prelude to Can't Stop the Music

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Sunday, 25 February 2024

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