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Thank God It's Friday

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It's disco fever time and the hottest club in LA manages to be one of the lamest clubs in LA at the same time. It's Jeff Goldblum, Donna Summer, Debra Winger and the Commodores giving us a 90 minute infomercial about disco life.

While Sam manages to be correct that this film doesn't have a plot, he's wrong in that it isn't any fun. Sure, it's not going to be for everyone - pretty much if you won't even admit that there was any decent songs during the disco era (I say screw you) you're not going to like any of this. Not because it's chock full of disco (it's mostly funk music) but because disco was so content-free and so is this film.

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Track of the Moon Beast

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Paul, the dubiously employed dirt digger, gets a case of moon brain causing him to become a "were-gorn" and eventually goes to critical mass all while his new girlfriend keeps him away from doctors and his buddy just wants him dead because its dinner-time.

Track of the Moon Beast is iconic drive-in/MST3K type material. You're sadly not going to find any surprises here. Just imagine Joel, Crow and Tom sitting down and whatever you can imagine to happen on screen will likely happen. There's just nothing new here for anybody. It falls into the same vein and suffering that Ssssssss does (and sadly last weeks Girl in Gold Boots). There's a smattering of good here but for the most part its 90 minutes of milk-toast.

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Dolemite

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Rudy Ray Moore dons the person of Dolemite who may or may not be a pimp, but is definitely awful at karate. In one of the most unique bad movies we've ever reviewed, Dolemite is unforgettable.

The major thing that is unique is that at least 90% of the cast is completely stoned. No one is drunk. Which is strange in a strange way. Why are bad movies usually filmed with drunk people but very rarely filled with everyone that is absolutely blazed. It makes for a very unique take in a bad movie.

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The Cat from Outer Space

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A cat walks off the ramp of his spaceship and hi-jinx ensue. Hope you like hi-jinx. Because we don't and we didn't.

If you are 8 years old, we'd love to hear from you if you enjoy this movie. If you're not, even if you were at one point, and you like this movie, we don't want to hear from you. We worry about your mental health and we can't help you. Please see a health professional immediately.

Tedious would be an understatement. Groan-inducing would be an understatement. Frustrating would be an understatement. In fairness, cruel to animals is an accurate statement.

Everything goes on for far too long. From the exposition, the character relationship building, to the goofball comedy, to the stunts, the list of things that are too long is too long.

You want all the characters to just stop what they're doing and leave the set and just have the cat solve its own problems, which would have done so in much more effective manners. It's a joyless, frustrating experience that leaves you wanting to punt the streaming device into the bin. Avoid The Cat from Outer Space at all costs, unless you are conducting MK Ultra style torture studies.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:1-star
Cheesy effects:4-star
Horrendous acting:3-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:1-star
Ridiculous stunts:2-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:0-star
Nonsensical Plot:3-star

Riffability:4-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:3-star

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TNT Jackson

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If you follow the podcast, this movie might seem a little familiar to you as its absolutely the same movie as Firecracker. The primary difference? A Playboy Playmate who has absolutely no business doing karate.

You'll probably realize very quickly upon view is that this might be the worst kung fu you've ever seen. It has to be. There can't be worse. Jeannie Bell is mind-boggling. She moves like a wet towel. And she's not alone. Filipino comedian, Chiquito (whom I guess is worthy of a singular name?) is in a race to be declared worst. It's really up for debate who is less athletic. If you can find us a movie with worse martial arts in it, we'd love to see it.

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Truck Turner

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Truck is coming for justice and vengeance (if that's possible). He's got a big hand cannon. He's got big shoes. And he ain't taking no crap from no back-talking pimps. So grab your ass, and prepare for the most badass movie we've reviewed.

Truck Turner is super-badass. From the soundtrack to the clothes to the dialogue to the plot to Yaffett Cotto to the cinematography it's got it. It comes in buckets and waves of badass. It's dialed to 11.5. It's a 90 minute quarantine with only one partner - badassness. This movie is badass.

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The Black Hole

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A couple trash-cans team-up to assist in the destruction of many soulless husks all on a mission that is never stated all so the villain can become Dante and rule all of hell from inside of a Cylon.

While that sounds absolutely nutty, we hope that you're able to get to any of those points because this movie's primary problem is...zzz...zzz. Oh I'm sorry, just thinking about this film put me to sleep like warm milk. It's painfully boring. Once you get past the excellent model work (that doesn't have enough shots), the spectacular theme by John Barry (which you're done with after the first 3 times you hear it) and Robert Forster just being Robert Forster (a damn pro), you're left with endless exposition, painful banter between the robots, a completely up-his-own-ass villain just for the sake of it and tedium. Endless tedium.

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Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

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So it turns out that Peter Frampton sucks - oh you knew that already? The Brothers Gibb surround themselves by people who can't sign and play as well as they do and let everyone else drag them into the depths of garbage. But Barry's hair looks amazing, at least.

Sgt Pepper's on it's face is a "do not do" movie before it even starts - you don't cover The Beatles unless you really are supremely talented, which The Bee Gees completely are, but the problem is that they allowed other people to be involved. You've got George Burns, Steve Martin, Alice Cooper, Peter Nicholas (yeah, who?), Donald Pleasance, Stargard and Frankie Howerd all covering Beatles tracks. Look, only a few people get to do that and none of you are qualified. Stop it! Stop IT!

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Convoy

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All of the truckers team up to drive down the road hauling goods and.... freedom? Let's try that again. A bunch of cops chase a bunch of truckers down the highway because of their flagrant....trucking? Ok, ok, ok. Got it - Truckers Truck!

Seriously the plot of Convoy is one of the most dubious we've ever reviewed. One might argue that about 20 minutes of the movie actually has a plot of outrunning the law who wants to kill a fellow trucker because of abuse of power and racism, but that plot lasts for only a brief period. Within minutes of that plot being put together, the film shifts into Forrest Gump running across the US with people joining him because they think he's got all the answers. At no point, does anyone have a clue why they've joined a mega-convoy of truckers and why anyone cares about them.

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Breaker, Breaker!

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Chuck Norris launches his career by kicking lots of people in the chest and calling in his truckin' buddies to run a town over - yes the entire town. It's about as weird movie as you can get and hilarious throughout. Come on back, big rigger!

Now you can probably guess how much trucking vs. karate there is in the film and how silly the the combo of the two working together looks on screen. So let's go past that and talk solely about the villainy. The plot revolves around this town that has gone off the deep-end and has essentially declared independence from the state of California. Fine. What their deepest flaw is that they have no idea how to be bad guys. Their evil plot is to hijack truckers, steal their tv dinners, eat the tv dinners, crush the $80,000 truck in a crusher, sell the metal for $200, make moonshine, dump the moonshine on the ground, drink Wild Turkey instead and operate their legal system in the same manner as The Spanish Inquisition. There's no way that a band of truckers are going to run your town over - nope, this plan is perfect!....they said as the FBI is swarming them and filling each citizen full of hot lead.

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Gas-s-s-s! - or- It Became Necessary to Destroy the World in Order to Save It

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When you cut in some psychedelia in the editing booth, your film isn't psychedelic, you just have a movie pile. Gas-s-s-s! misses the mark by about a mile, unless your goal was to one day have proof that the Baby Boomers were completely up their own asses and should never talk about other generations again.

The setup of the film is an interesting idea with the apocalypse coming and the meek inheriting the Earth - with one major problem, the meek are anyone under 25 and goosed on pot, free love and ego. From there you follow a group of bohemians travelling across Texas to a final destination of Barter Town.

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We are really sorry that some people on the internet really screwed up your game plan. We'll try to do a better job of appeasing s... Read More
Thursday, 23 January 2020 00:32
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We were also all born in the 70s. Have a nice future.
Thursday, 23 January 2020 00:52
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Angels' Brigade/Revenge

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A super-elite team of hot ladies formulate to take down all of the drugs in the US. Instead they get a high school teacher kidnapped, a teenager shot and possibly killed, ruin a man's salesman career, and watch a man get eaten by a dog all so they can take down roving tampon salesman. Seven From Heaven indeed!

Man, when you line up movies from the late 70s this is strikes all the bells. A hot van with rockets, machine guns and a dirt bike with machine guns on it in the back - check. Busty ladies with no bras kicking ass - check. Drunk Peter Lawford - check. A winded Jack Palance chasing Darby Hinton over patios - check. Explosions, explosions, explosions - check! So why isn't this in the top 10 greatest bad movies ever?

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You are absolutely right and Just earned a spot in a future episode. Thank You!
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The Exorcist II: The Heretic

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Six (count them - SIX!) Oscar nominated actors took a look at this garbage script and STILL signed up to do it. It's absolutely nonsensical. It's painfully boring. And it ALL sucks butt. Blech.

It's like they tried to say something in this film but had no idea what that was before they reached the end of the writing, so they just crammed in a bunch of nonsense to try to make a statement. If anyone can decipher what that statement is....

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The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh

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Nothing says "screwball" comedy like professional basketball in the late 70's. So why not have a film about a terrible team that becomes great via the powers of astrology? Toss in Dr. Julius Erwing, Kareem Abdul-Jabar, Meadowlark Lemon and repeat stinker stars like Branscombe Richmond and Julius Carry III and you've got some loonie business that is right up our alley.

On paper this film should be one to steer clear from. Even just watching the trailer is enough to give casual viewers of crummy films the heebie-jeebies. Yet somehow there is a serious level of charm to this film beyond the obvious live-action WB cartoon version that Jonathan Winters was shooting for. There's a seriously well blended volume of comedy of all types that award both fans of basketball and those that loathe all sports.

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Zardoz

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It's Sean Connery in a man-diaper with bullets. It's a genderless Utopia while showcasing knockers. It's a whirlwind of confusion and questionable film-making decisions. It's a serious mess covered in psychedelia while making some heavy, heavy, heavy social commentary. Get ready for your mind to be melted.

Imagine you've got Zardoz in mind and you sit down to write it. "Open on a gun-barfing god's floating head." Then try to go from there. Zardoz is just bizarre in how it decides to get to were it needs to. It may have been John Boorman's intention to distract the viewer with the weirdness so that when he reveals the plot and message to the viewer they weren't prepared for it. Along the way though, wow.... You might have your brain turn into rubber and question the use of your weiner/vaginer.

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Hey thanks and glad you enjoyed. You are very likely correct in your book/movie argument. Heinlein wrote several novels like this ... Read More
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Odds and Evens

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Terrence Hill and Bud Spencer put on their best Abbott & Costello hats and deliver the hijinxs en masse. It's a banana show of endless goofs and shenanigans that never lets off the gas.

The problem with this movie is....nothing. This is just a great legitimate comedy. We didn't laugh AT this movie, we laughed with it. The jokes are timed impeccably. They are new and fresh and unique. While completely outlandish and bonkers, this film never gets into that dangerous 70's live-action cartoon territory (we're talking to you C.H.O.M.P.S.). It's brilliant and a model for classic slap-stick that put the Zucker brothers in such high standing.

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Prelude to Odds and Evens

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For 22 pictures, Terrance Hill and Bud Spencer played the ultimate in comedic buddy-cop movies and this week on the podcast, Sam brings in one of their best in Odds and Evens.

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor (Buddy Cops)

  • Riggs & Murtaugh - Lethal Weapon
  • Cates & Hammond - 48 Hrs.

About Odds and Evens - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Carlo Pedersoli was still a member of the Italian National Swim Team and Water Polo Team when he started his acting career around 1950. The younger Marco Girroti similarly was discovered around the same time. The two would individually muddle through bit parts and lower profile roles before the two were cast together in the 1967 western, God Forgives… I Don’t. Director Giueseppe Colizzi recommended the two adopt less Italian sounding names as Italian budget films were beginning to put quite a few butts in seats worldwide. Girroti would take the name Terence Hill and Pedersoli would assume the moniker Bud Spencer. Girroti’s was tasked with choosing names from lists while Pedersoli came up with Bud Spencer as homage to Spencer Tracy and Budweiser beer. The two would go on two star with one another in over 20 buddy pictures. Though some films may be more well known, say Lethal Weapon or 48 Hrs., the heart and soul of the buddy film lies with these two.

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Blood Freak

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This episode of the podcast centers around the classic Thanksgiving film from 1972, Blood Freak. Its that old tale of a man who smokes a little pot, eats an entire turkey and those goes on a tryptophan fueled and murderous rampage by becoming a freaking turkey. Yep. That's it.

Blood Freak is freaking insane and one of the worst movies ever made. The production values are incredibly poor with poor lighting, out of focus shots, terrible set design and horrible acting. It's right in line with films like Eegah!, Monster A Go-Go, The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, or anything starring Tor Johnson. How this managed to get past the MST3K crew is a mystery deeper than where the hell is Amelia Earhardt.

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Prelude to Blood Freak

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In early preparation for Thanksgiving, Jackie gets a headstart with pulling the trigger on a turkey of a movie from 1972, 3 weeks early. But that's OK because it's a spooky tale about a motorcycle guy who smokes some pot and gets turned into a murderous turkey. Just like your family.

Special Segment - Films we've seen the most in a given period of time

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Dreamer

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Here's a fun concept - take something as boring to watch as bowling and then make a movie that is just as boring about said boring thing. You've then got a very accurate representation of something super boring. Wow. Thanks a lot bowling movie.

Dreamer is arguably the most boring movie ever made. There's levels of bad that are definitely worse as far as film-making. See Manos, Monster-a-Go-Go, Sssssss, CHOMPS and so forth come to mind. The good thing about all those films is that there's at least something to either hate, scratch your head over, or just be angry about. This causes no emotions on any level. Its the least interesting film we've ever seen. Ever. No question.

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