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The Black Hole

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A couple trash-cans team-up to assist in the destruction of many soulless husks all on a mission that is never stated all so the villain can become Dante and rule all of hell from inside of a Cylon.

While that sounds absolutely nutty, we hope that you're able to get to any of those points because this movie's primary problem is...zzz...zzz. Oh I'm sorry, just thinking about this film put me to sleep like warm milk. It's painfully boring. Once you get past the excellent model work (that doesn't have enough shots), the spectacular theme by John Barry (which you're done with after the first 3 times you hear it) and Robert Forster just being Robert Forster (a damn pro), you're left with endless exposition, painful banter between the robots, a completely up-his-own-ass villain just for the sake of it and tedium. Endless tedium.

However, the last 15 minutes of the film are absolutely bonkers. We got very little clue here guys about what the actually hell happened once the (of course) everyone goes into the black hole. For some wild reason, Disney decided to cram some Dante's Inferno and conceptual imagery of heaven (we think) and have absolutely no idea why. If someone could help us out in the WHY, not the what, we'd be thankful.

Besides the bore factor, the film breaks its own rules constantly, the whole thing is the idiot-plot (whole plot could have been avoided had just one character not been an idiot), and the acting (aside from Forster and he's just doing what he can with what he's got to work with) is atrociously over-the-top. Which would all be fine and enjoyable if you'd managed to stay awake. Skip this one.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:2-star
Cheesy effects:3-star
Horrendous acting:3-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:2-star
Ridiculous stunts:2-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star
Nonsensical Plot:5-star

Riffability:3-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:3-star

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Tuesday, 29 September 2020

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