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Black Friday

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So the kaiju is a half-turkey/half-shopper hybrid. That helps.... a little.

Black Friday had the potential to be a fun and memorable addition to the horror-comedy genre. The premise of retail workers battling zombified Black Friday shoppers is clever, relatable, and ripe for satirical commentary on consumer culture. Unfortunately, the execution leaves much to be desired, resulting in a film that struggles to rise above mediocrity.

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Alone in the Dark

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What is the point of any of this??? What does life even mean anymore?!?!

Watching Alone in the Dark is like stepping into a surreal nightmare where logic, talent, and coherence take a permanent vacation. Directed by Uwe Boll, the film somehow manages to turn a moderately creepy video game series into a cinematic trainwreck so inexplicably bad it’s almost mesmerizing.

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A Return to Salem's Lot

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What happens when a B-list horror film tackles small town romance, anthropology, and…vampire bureacracy?

This movie takes us to a vampire-infested Salem's Lot, where the acting is about as wooden as the stakes they should be driving into these vamps’ chests. The lead actors deliver their lines with the enthusiasm of someone half-listening to a bad knock-knock joke, and I swear the child actor spent more time looking at the camera than playing a convincing kid. But it doesn’t matter, because that’s part of the charm.

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The Mangler

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Maybe the "safety bar" is the problem with your death machine.

If you're looking for a horror movie that makes you laugh, wince, and question your own sanity, The Mangler is an absolute gem. Based on Stephen King's short story, this 1995 film takes a wild swing at horror and lands somewhere deep in the realm of “so bad it’s good.”

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Split Second

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Gee, I don't know. Who could it be...? Could it be....SATAN????

Look, if you're going to watch Split Second, leave logic at the door, forget everything you know about biology, physics, or coherent storytelling, and just hold on for one wild, wonderfully ludicrous ride. This movie is a masterclass in "so bad it's good" cinema, a staggering tribute to neon-lit nonsense where none of it makes sense, but you'll be too busy laughing, cringing, and cheering to care.

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Hobgoblins

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Well, you could always just lock the door that contains aliens hell-bent on destroying lives, MacCready.

Hobgoblins (1988) is the kind of classic cinematic disaster that bad movie connoisseurs dream of. It’s a true gem in the "so-bad-it's-good" genre, serving up every ridiculous trope you could hope for with a straight face. The budget is, to put it kindly, non-existent. You can almost hear the coins jingling in the director's pocket as they make every possible corner-cut. The "hobgoblins" themselves—clearly puppets—are so laughably bad that you can’t help but wonder if they were purchased at a yard sale. They wobble, flop, and seem to be more interested in starring in a middle school production than in wreaking havoc.

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Splatter University

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Sure, it's super budget and leads with a crazy murder theme but that's not enough to stay in the game.

"Splatter University" starts with a flash of promise, diving right into the action with a bloody opening scene that hints at a thrilling ride ahead. Unfortunately, that promise quickly fizzles out, and what follows is an hour and a half of filler material that seems thrown in just to pad the runtime. The film struggles to build any real momentum, relying on scenes that add little or nothing to the central plot.

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Comin' At Ya

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If you've ever wanted to have a bunch of random stuff coming at you, well this is for you. Not so much for anyone else though.

"Comin' At Ya!" is an odd entry into the world of Spaghetti Westerns, one that leans heavily on its 3D gimmicks to differentiate itself from the pack. However, once you strip away the over-the-top, in-your-face 3D stunts, what’s left is a fairly standard, if not forgettable, Western. The plot is basic, the characters serviceable, and while it checks off most of the genre’s boxes—dusty landscapes, gunfights, and a revenge story—it doesn't bring anything particularly new or exciting to the table.

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If Looks Could Kill

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Grieco didn't need sticky spy shoes. He could have just used his hair gel to stick to any wall.

"If Looks Could Kill" starring Richard Grieco is a delightful surprise that defies expectations in the best way possible. Known for his more serious and brooding roles, Grieco takes a refreshing turn in this zany action-comedy, delivering a performance that’s as energetic as it is unexpected.

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Jackpot

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They put commercials on this platform and we then give us this garbage? Maybe time to switch to cable....

"Jackpot" (2024) is an absolute disaster from the get-go. The plot is so implausible that it feels like it couldn't exist in any universe, let alone ours. Nothing about it makes sense, and from the opening scenes, you're left scratching your head, wondering why the writers even bothered. The jokes? If you can call them that—seem unfinished, like someone wrote the setup and forgot to add the punchline. You're constantly waiting for a laugh that never comes. It’s awkward, and the humor falls completely flat.

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Thunder

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You can't put lipstick on a pig but you can wear its eyebrows and escape the law!

*"Thunder" (1984) is one of those films that's so bad it's almost good. From the over-the-top acting to the bizarre plot, it's a movie that knows how to entertain, even if it's not in the way it intended. The acting is hilariously exaggerated, with characters delivering lines in a way that makes you wonder if they were trying to win an award for the most awkward performance. It's hard not to chuckle at the sheer silliness of it all.

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Final Justice

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You think you can take me? Well go ahead on and watch this stinker from Greydon Clark.

"Final Justice" (1984) is a film that occupies a peculiar space in the action genre, and how much you'll enjoy it hinges heavily on your tolerance for low-budget absurdity. At the center of this bizarre movie is Joe Don Baker's portrayal of Thomas Jefferson Geronimo, a tough-as-nails Texas cop who, unfortunately, ends up being more laughable than intimidating. Baker’s Geronimo feels like a caricature of every 1980s action hero, but without the charisma or the compelling edge needed to pull it off. Instead, we're left with a character that stumbles through the movie with more groans than grins.

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Tarot

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A great movie if you're part of the "under the sweater/over the bra" crowd, but even they won't remember that they saw it.

Tarot (2024) is an absolute masterclass in how not to make a horror movie unless you are just providing background noise for teenagers to make out. If you ever wondered what happens when you throw every horror cliché, plot hole, and half-baked character motivation into a blender, this is it. The result is a film so dumb and poorly thought out that it almost circles back around to being entertaining—for all the wrong reasons.

From the get-go, Tarot feels like a checklist of horror tropes. Creepy old woman? Check. Spooky house? Check. Jump scares every five minutes? Double check. It’s as if the writers Googled "horror clichés" and decided to use every single one, especially stealing from Evil Dead and Final Destination. But that’s not even the worst of it. The plot is an incoherent mess, with gaping holes large enough to drive a truck through. Characters make baffling decisions with motivations that seem to change depending on the scene—or, more likely, on the whims of whoever was holding the pen that day.

The acting? Let’s just say that calling it appalling might be too kind. Every line is delivered with the enthusiasm of someone who just realized they left the oven on at home. The humor, if you can call it that, is cringeworthy at best. It feels like the movie is trying desperately to be self-aware, but instead, it comes off as painfully awkward.

And yet... there’s something about Tarot that makes it oddly watchable, at least for certain audiences. If you’re a fan of bad movies, you’ll probably find some enjoyment in how ridiculous it all is. It’s also the perfect flick for teenagers looking for an excuse to make out in the back row of the theater while pretending to watch the screen.

In short, Tarot is a trainwreck of a horror film, but if you enjoy watching a disaster unfold, you might just find yourself entertained—for all the wrong reasons.

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Over the top action:0-star
Cheesy effects:2-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:1-star
Ridiculous stunts:0-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:0-star
Nonsensical Plot:4-star

Riffability:4-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:5-star

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Conquest

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The Lucio Fulci movie that more people should be talking about may just be so weird its good?

"Conquest" is one of those bizarre gems that defies logic, reason, and possibly all known laws of filmmaking. From the opening frame, you're catapulted into a world where absolutely nothing makes sense—and that's the beauty of it. The plot (if you can call it that) revolves around two warriors, Mace and Ilias, who embark on a quest to stop an evil, topless sorceress who wears a metal mask and is clearly compensating for something. Why? Who knows! The movie doesn't bother to explain, and honestly, it doesn't matter.

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Robowar

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Stick around or don't move, but Reb Brown is gonna give you the laughs.

"Robowar" (1988) is a cinematic masterpiece of unintentional hilarity. This unapologetic rip-off of "Predator" is an absolute must-watch for fans of 'so bad it's good' cinema. From the moment Reb Brown graces the screen with his over-the-top action antics and unintentionally comedic acting, you'll be hooked. Brown's performance is a perfect blend of earnestness and absurdity, making every scene he's in a joy to watch.

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Twisters

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Just because it doesn't have a story or characters or any basis in reality doesn't mean its bad, right?

"Twisters" (2024) is a whirlwind of nostalgic fun that takes you back to the golden era of 90's blockbusters. While it may lack a compelling story, character depth, and a meaningful journey, it's a film that embraces its cheesy charm with gusto. From the first gust of wind to the last dramatic tornado scene, "Twisters" is an exhilarating ride that doesn't take itself too seriously.

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Junior

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"High Concept" apparently means "really stupid and poorly thought out".

Junior (1994) is a film that desperately tries to blend comedy, science fiction, and social commentary but ends up being a tedious and unenjoyable mess. Despite the star power of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, and Emma Thompson, this movie falls flat in nearly every aspect, leaving the audience bored and disappointed.

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State Park

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For an 80's boobie movie, this sure does feel wholesome somehow.

"State Park," the 1988 comedy that has quietly garnered a dedicated cult following over the years, stands out as a delightful anomaly in the landscape of 80s teen comedies. This movie, often described as a summer version of the era's quintessential skiing flicks, turns all the expected tropes on their head with a refreshing blend of humor and heart.

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R.O.T.O.R.

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So this entire movie is just being recounted during a police interrogation? Face it, R.O.T.O.R. is one of the best bad movies there is.

"R.O.T.O.R." is a cinematic gem that defies all conventional standards of quality to deliver an experience so bad it's absolutely good. This 1980s sci-fi action flick is a masterclass in unintentional comedy and bewildering plot choices, making it a must-watch for fans of hilariously awful movies.

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A Family Affair

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I'm sorry, I already forgot everything about this movie. And so will you.

"A Family Affair" (2024) is a film that struggles to rise above mediocrity in almost every aspect. From its trite and mundane script to its overall tone and feel, which screams Hallmark Original, this movie is a disappointment on multiple levels.

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