Gee, I don't know. Who could it be...? Could it be....SATAN????
Look, if you're going to watch Split Second, leave logic at the door, forget everything you know about biology, physics, or coherent storytelling, and just hold on for one wild, wonderfully ludicrous ride. This movie is a masterclass in "so bad it's good" cinema, a staggering tribute to neon-lit nonsense where none of it makes sense, but you'll be too busy laughing, cringing, and cheering to care.
They put commercials on this platform and we then give us this garbage? Maybe time to switch to cable....
"Jackpot" (2024) is an absolute disaster from the get-go. The plot is so implausible that it feels like it couldn't exist in any universe, let alone ours. Nothing about it makes sense, and from the opening scenes, you're left scratching your head, wondering why the writers even bothered. The jokes? If you can call them that—seem unfinished, like someone wrote the setup and forgot to add the punchline. You're constantly waiting for a laugh that never comes. It’s awkward, and the humor falls completely flat.
The Lucio Fulci movie that more people should be talking about may just be so weird its good?
"Conquest" is one of those bizarre gems that defies logic, reason, and possibly all known laws of filmmaking. From the opening frame, you're catapulted into a world where absolutely nothing makes sense—and that's the beauty of it. The plot (if you can call it that) revolves around two warriors, Mace and Ilias, who embark on a quest to stop an evil, topless sorceress who wears a metal mask and is clearly compensating for something. Why? Who knows! The movie doesn't bother to explain, and honestly, it doesn't matter.
A cavalcade of terrible decisions that 3 Oscar winners and an Emmy winner decided was good for them, gave us a movie that's good for us but no one else.
"Tiptoes" is a cinematic trainwreck that defies all expectations of quality filmmaking. From its cringe-inducing dialogue to its baffling plot twists, this movie is a prime example of how NOT to make a film. Despite boasting not one, not two, but THREE Oscar-winning actors in its cast, "Tiptoes" is a catastrophic failure that leaves audiences scratching their heads in disbelief.
Whether they are spacemen or from 1999 or from before the dinosaurs, The Immortals make some really stupid decisions and are pretty bad for Earth. How bout there can only be none?
If you're a fan of mind-bending and utterly nonsensical movies, then "Highlander 2" is your ticket to an alternate reality where coherence takes a vacation and weirdness reigns supreme.
The film kicks off with a bang, introducing us to the flying porcupine brothers. Yes, you read that right. These airborne creatures are an essential part of the movie's charm, leaving audiences scratching their heads and wondering if the scriptwriter had a secret petting zoo of mythical creatures hidden away or a crack addiction. Either is the only reason why you would include these two boneheads who look ridiculous and act even worse in your Highlander movie.
One of the standout moments has to be the love scene against a dingy city wall. Forget romantic sunsets or candlelit dinners; "Highlander 2" throws you into the lovely ambiance of a dirty wall in a crowded street somewhere between bizarre and uncomfortable. It's the kind of love scene that makes you question the director's choices but also keeps you glued to the screen out of sheer curiosity.
Michael Ironside's character is a whole other level of ludicrous. His over-the-top performance adds a delightful layer of absurdity to the film. You can't help but chuckle at the sheer audacity of his character's antics. Ironside seems to have embraced the chaos, turning his role into a masterclass of overacting that deserves its own spotlight.
And then there's Sean Connery's character, who apparently missed the memo on the rules of mortality. The film doesn't bother explaining how he's miraculously alive again, leaving us to ponder whether there's a magical head-putter-back-on machine somewhere in the Highlander universe or if Connor McCleod's affection for Ramirez is enough to resurrect the dead.
"Highlander 2" is a head-scratching, eye-rolling, and laugh-out-loud experience that defies logic at every turn. It's a cinematic rollercoaster that leaves you questioning the boundaries of storytelling and wondering if the scriptwriters were playing a game of "how many absurd elements can we fit into one movie?"
If you're in the mood for a movie that embraces the chaos, revels in the nonsensical, and features flying porcupine brothers, "Highlander 2" is your golden ticket to a world where anything goes, and explanations are for the weak. Strap in, and prepare for a ride you won't soon forget – whether you like it or not. We loved it.
Over the top action:
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Horrendous acting:
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Sasquatch finds the love of his life and then her husband smashes his head with a rock. Shakespeare it is not.
So a couple get hit with rocks and get lost in the woods. What ensues is Squatch gets a crush on the lady and wants to have some alone time with her. Standing in his way is some rednecks, her husband and a local sheriff that's coming down from a bad peyote trip. And its way weirder than that. Its a tiny little indy-budget movie that is like the John Wick of DTV horror films as in someone that is GREAT at makeup directs and writes a movie. The makeup is great (like the stunts in JW) but the story is baffling (unlike JW) with the world of Bigfoot being very confusing and dubious. Throw in some Native American weapons and some bark armor and Bigfoot just gets weirder and weirder.
Air humping in leg warmers meets journalistic malfeasance and everyone's lives are ruined. But hey! Jaime Lee is hot, so I guess that's ok.
Hailed as the film that ended Travolta's career (briefly, lets be honest) and set Jamie Lee back a few years, Perfect is anything but. Its way too long for such a paper thin plot and is stuffed with repeated unnecessary and irrelevant scenes that keep it dragging you into the depths of your sofa. Pedantic would be an understatement. But poorly acted is not how we would describe it. At worst, the acting is "meh", "whatevs" levels aside from Jaime Lee who is pretty darn good here. Even Travolta who we love to bash on did just fine. It's not the actors who are at fault here.
Its twists! Its turns! Its lefts and rights! Its yields to oncoming traffics. Its Acme Fake Tunnels slapped onto the side of a cliffs! Ben Afflecks and Charlizes try to give us a shocker and instead we get the upper decker.
Reindeer Games is such a pile of mess. On one side you've got "that friend" that watches this on TNT one night (usually while wishing they were invited to the party you're throwing but you intentionally didn't because they can't play in any reindeer games, OMG you're a total dick, dude) then later comes to you and begs you to watch it with them and then stares at you the whole time until 'the big reveal' and then waits for you to react - you don't and they are shocked. You're not the type of person who will be shocked (you listen to Stinker Madness and know your stuff) and so you're relationship gets even more strained but you feel guilty because of that one time when you were really hard up after your girlfriend (that you thought was at least a 9 but was really more like a 6 and just had a solid set of cans) dumped you for a bartender for a biker bar in a different county and this friend let you stay on their couch while you cried yourself to sleep for three days about 15 years ago. Thanks Frankenheimer!
Freddy is back and this time he lulls us to sleep with whale song and LBGTQ social commentary! It begs the ultimate question - does Freddy actually appear in this movie?
Freddy 2 is an absolute bonkers experience and through-out is a complete and utter-turd. At no point does it make sense that it was a commercial success and likely should have destroyed the Freddy franchise (and thus would have prevented the LOTR trilogy from happening) but somehow was a massive win for New Line and kept the doors open for another ten years. I guess that really states to the allure of Mr. K.
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