EasyBlog

Become a Patron!

The VelociPastor takes a joke that should be over by the end of a fake trailer and somehow turns it into a whole damn movie. A priest turns into a dinosaur and fights ninjas. The real miracle is how often it gets a laugh out of something other than that sentence.

The trick is that the jokes have actual setups and payoffs. Early on, the movie substitutes a visual-effects placeholder for an exploding car and lets the priest react like he’s just witnessed a tragedy. The longer he commits to the horror of what he’s seeing, the funnier that bare patch of screen gets. That takes better comic timing than you’d expect from a movie that eventually asks you to buy a dinosaur suit as an instrument of divine justice.

Become a Patron!

If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if nuclear waste somehow created a potato baby and then gave it a serious attitude problem, The Being might just be the movie for you. This 1983 creature feature is a glorious slice of low-budget nonsense, packed with terrible monster effects, over-the-top acting, and enough questionable filmmaking decisions to keep any so bad it’s good enthusiast grinning from beginning to end.

The monster itself is a spectacular achievement in looking absolutely terrible. It’s an ugly, lumpy mess of creature effects that seems to have been designed by someone who heard about monsters secondhand and decided to wing it. Fortunately, the filmmakers appear to have recognized the problem, because an awful lot of the creature’s screen time takes place in lighting so dark that you can barely tell what you’re looking at. It’s a clever strategy, really: if the audience can’t see the monster, they can’t complain about how ridiculous it looks. Well, they can, but at least they have to work for it.

Become a Patron!

Rabid Grannies is one of those movies where you can occasionally see the makings of a good trashy horror romp, only to have them immediately swallowed by the filmmaking. There are some genuinely grotesque ideas buried in here, and the basic premise of sweet old grandmothers turning into bloodthirsty monsters has plenty of potential. Unfortunately, the movie seems determined to hide whatever fun it might have under a thick layer of technical incompetence.

The biggest problem is the ADR. So much of the dialogue sounds like it was recorded in a completely different room, sometimes at a completely different time, and the synchronization is frequently distracting enough to pull you right out of the movie. Even worse, a lot of the dialogue is borderline unintelligible. Characters talk, you can see their mouths moving, and yet somehow the actual words seem to have been lost somewhere between Belgium and your television.

Become a Patron!

Masters of the Universe accomplishes something bordering on sorcery: it takes the fundamentally ridiculous world of He-Man and turns it into an honest-to-God good movie. Not merely a passable adaptation or an amusing exercise in nostalgia, but a colorful, energetic fantasy adventure that understands exactly how dumb its source material is—and loves every musclebound, sword-raising minute of it.

The movie is loaded with fan service, but it rarely feels like a desperate parade of references. Its jokes about He-Man’s bizarre history, Eternia’s eccentric inhabitants and the franchise’s gloriously toyetic origins come from genuine affection. Longtime fans get plenty to recognize and laugh about, while newcomers aren’t required to study forty years of cartoons, comics and action-figure packaging to understand why a skull-faced wizard is yelling at a nearly naked blond man.

Become a Patron!

Gunhed is the kind of movie that makes you desperately want to love it. It has enormous robots, giant explosions, lasers everywhere, fantastic miniature work, and some genuinely impressive production design. Unfortunately, it also seems to have been edited by someone who assumed the audience had come to see a completely different movie. The result is a visually spectacular but narratively incoherent mess that frequently feels like you're watching the highlights of a much longer film.

Become a Patron!

The movie that sets up the great Choppers vs Trucks War of 2006.

Trucks is what happens when you take a Stephen King story about murderous vehicles, remove most of the things that made it interesting, and then somehow replace them with even more nonsense. Like Maximum Overdrive before it, this adaptation manages to botch King's source material while still producing something that is far more entertaining than it has any right to be. The central problem remains the same: they're trucks. Just run away from them. Yet Trucks compensates for its complete lack of credible tension with bizarre decisions, ridiculous characters, and enough questionable filmmaking to make it an absolute gold mine for riffing.

Become a Patron!

The only way that the plot can work is if the entire movie didn't actually happen. Monster A-Go-Go, anyone?

Riding the Bullet isn't so much a movie as it is an argument against outlining your screenplay. The only way any of this can possibly make sense is if Alan climbed into his bathtub at the beginning of the film, took enough PCP to tranquilize a rhinoceros, hallucinated the next ninety minutes, eventually sobered up, got a job, lived an aggressively ordinary life, and then, decades later, turned to the camera for a Forrest Gump-style epilogue. That's the only version of events that even remotely holds together. Otherwise, you're left trying to connect scenes that appear to have been shuffled like a deck of cards before filming.

Become a Patron!

So does the Little League team fire back up next year or are they suited up for the game this weekend?

Maximum Overdrive is one of those movies that feels like two completely different films stitched together. Half the time it's practically a comedy, gleefully embracing the absurdity of its premise as every machine on Earth suddenly decides humans have to go. An angry arcade cabinet zapping Giancarlo Esposito, a Little League kid getting flattened by a steamroller, and the gloriously smug Green Goblin-faced truck all suggest everyone involved knows how ridiculous this is and is having a blast.

Become a Patron!

Death Run (1987) / Mutant City (1987) is the kind of movie that makes you wonder if everyone involved had a completely different copy of the script. It's a post-apocalyptic adventure assembled from spare parts, pocket change, and what appears to be an unlimited supply of confidence. Somehow, despite operating on a budget that probably wouldn't cover catering on most productions, the film often looks surprisingly respectable. The costumes are passable, the locations work, and the camera operators generally manage to point the lens in the right direction. That's already several steps ahead of many direct-to-video wasteland adventures from the era. Unfortunately, once the plot starts moving, all bets are off.

The story lurches from event to event with a remarkable disregard for cause and effect. Characters make decisions that seem specifically designed to sabotage their own survival. Entire scenes feel as though critical pages of exposition were lost on the drive to set. The result is a movie where you stop asking "Why are they doing that?" and instead begin admiring the sheer audacity required to keep marching forward without answers. Every new development feels less like storytelling and more like a random encounter table being rolled in real time.

Become a Patron!

After spending the better part of two decades turning Rube Goldberg murder machines into an art form, the Final Destination Bloodlines series finally does something unexpected: it evolves. Bloodlines still delivers the franchise’s trademark chaos—people getting folded, exploded, liquefied and generally punished for existing near household objects—but this time there’s an actual emotional hook underneath the carnage. Shockingly, it works. Instead of drowning the audience in endless conversations about “death’s design” and convoluted cosmic bookkeeping, the movie streamlines the setup and gets right to the fun while adding a family-centered angle that gives the victims more personality than “future corpse #4.”

The family aspect is the smartest thing the franchise has done in years. Watching the curse ripple through generations gives the film a different energy from the usual disposable group-of-teens formula. There’s tension not just in who dies, but in how these characters relate to one another before death inevitably hurls an air conditioner through somebody’s sternum. The script wisely understands that audiences came for inventive disaster sequences, not a TED Talk from Ali Landry explaining metaphysical loopholes for the ninth time. Bloodlines trims the mythology down to its essentials and benefits immensely from it.

Become a Patron!

When martial artists desire to be "the most popular girl" - Top That!

There are ninja movies, and then there’s Wu Tang Vs Ninja—a film that feels like it was assembled from a fever dream involving late-night cable, a kung fu catalog, and someone half-remembering Star Wars after watching Teen Witch. It’s baffling, chaotic, and completely committed to whatever bizarre wavelength it’s operating on. And honestly, that commitment is what makes it such a blast.

Become a Patron!

Everything you want in a cheesy disaster...disaster.

If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a disaster movie inhaled a gallon of jet fuel, ignored every known law of physics, and then sprinted straight into absurdity with a grin, The Concorde... Airport '79 is your answer. This is high “so bad it’s good” cinema - a movie so committed to escalating nonsense that it becomes a kind of accidental masterpiece. It doesn’t just jump the shark; it straps the shark to the Concorde and fires it into international airspace.

Become a Patron!

Final Destination 5 arrives with the same promise every installment in the franchise makes: elaborate Rube Goldberg death traps, a group of attractive but personality-free victims, and the vague hope that maybe—just maybe—this time they’ll do something different with the concept. Instead, the film dutifully clocks in for another round of “Death’s master plan,” delivering exactly what you expect and little else. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a factory resetting itself every ninety minutes.

By the fifth go-around, the plot mechanics have become painfully transparent. A premonition saves a handful of people from a spectacular disaster, they try to cheat Death, and then the universe conspires to kill them one by one using household items, loose bolts, and questionable workplace safety standards. The film acts as if it’s revealing some grand mystery about Death’s rules, but if you’ve seen even one previous entry you can practically write the script yourself. The series has settled into a rut where the only innovation is how absurdly complicated the next fatal accident can become.

Become a Patron!

Chuck, we can't understand the plot because we can't understand your inner monologue. Just kick people in the face!

There’s a version of this movie that exists somewhere in the fog of its own whispery voiceovers—a lean, paranoid ninja thriller starring a prime-era Chuck Norris. Unfortunately, what we actually get is something bafflingly stupid and surprisingly hard to follow. Dialogue drifts in and out like it’s being transmitted through a malfunctioning shortwave radio. Exposition arrives in murmured internal monologues that feel less like insight and more like someone forgot to turn off the narration mic.

Become a Patron!

Did you pack your Ninja Springs, honey?

There are ninja movies… and then there is Super Ninja (1984)—a film so aggressively committed to every ridiculous shinobi trope ever conceived that it loops right past parody and into accidental genius. If you’ve ever wanted to see color-coded assassins deploy zip-lines, burrow through the earth like caffeinated gophers, and—yes—water-ski in full ninja regalia, this is your holy text. And just when you think the well has run dry, it introduces portable ninja trampolines as a legitimate method of tactical traversal. Cinema peaked here.

Become a Patron!

The Final Destination is the point where a once-clever horror concept finally admits it has nothing left to say. By the fourth entry, the franchise’s core gimmick—cheating Death via a premonition—has gone from macabre novelty to rote obligation. The film feels less like a continuation and more like a contractual requirement, dutifully shuffling through the motions with no real interest in escalating ideas or tension.

The most obvious sign of creative exhaustion is the desperate embrace of 3D. Objects fly at the camera with all the subtlety of a carnival ride, and none of it integrates meaningfully into the storytelling. Instead, scenes pause so a tire iron, lawn mower blade, or random shard of debris can be hurled directly at the audience, reminding you that the movie exists primarily to justify its ticket surcharge. It’s not immersive; it’s intrusive, and it dates the film almost immediately.

Become a Patron!

It shouldn't be possible but we've cracked the code and found the movies villain to be....NEDSTRADAMUS!

Demons is the kind of movie that feels less like it was written and more like it escaped from a nightmare after being fed too much cocaine and heavy metal. Set almost entirely inside a movie theater where watching a cursed film literally turns the audience into demons, it’s pure mid-’80s Italian horror excess—loud, bloody, and unapologetically stupid. It’s also the kind of film where logic checks out early, clocks out halfway through, and never returns.

Become a Patron!

Looks like we missed the turn to go to Nilbog, kids. Let's just keep going to Norway.

Troll 2 is the kind of sequel that knows exactly what it is and leans into it with reckless enthusiasm. This is a big, loud, gloriously dumb monster movie that wears its influences proudly on its sleeve—Roland Emmerich disaster excess, Indiana Jones-style pulp adventure, Jurassic Park escalation, and Godzilla-scale city-smashing spectacle. It doesn’t apologize for any of it. Instead, it barrels forward with the confidence of a film that understands the assignment: entertain first, think later.

Become a Patron!

Seems like this isn't the first time Mrs. Clause has run off to an exotic location filled with thirsty dudes.

“Finding Mrs. Claus” is one of those movies that exists in a very specific cinematic snow globe, and if you’ve spent any time in that globe, you already know exactly what you’re getting. This is pure Lifetime Christmas programming: wholesome, gentle, slightly artificial, and utterly uninterested in surprising you. It’s not bad, not embarrassing, and not particularly memorable—it’s just there, humming softly like a string of pre-lit lights you forgot to unplug.

Become a Patron!

Getting the unique title of being so bland that it isn't worth it's own terribleness.

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom is the rare kind of bad movie that doesn’t even earn the dignity of being fun bad. It’s a two-hour shrug—completely unremarkable in its beige, water-logged blandness. You keep waiting for something—anything—to break the monotony, but the movie just keeps paddling in circles, content to be as tepid as possible. If “wet cardboard” were a cinematic aesthetic, this would be its crown jewel.