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Rollerball

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Its bad. I mean, so, so, so very bad. Like "worst movie of all time discussion" bad.

"Rollerball" (2002) is a cinematic catastrophe of epic proportions. This abomination of a film is a perfect storm of incompetence, delivering an experience so profoundly dreadful that it defies all reason and logic. From its mind-numbingly idiotic plot to its nauseatingly abysmal editing, every aspect of this cinematic disaster screams of ineptitude.

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Riding the Bus with my Sister

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Rosie O'Donnell does the thing Robert Downey Jr. said never to do and earns all of the internet's hatred...but is it deserved?

"Riding the Bus with My Sister" is a film that falls squarely in the realm of made-for-TV movies, a genre often associated with mediocrity. Yet, within this sea of forgettable productions, this 2005 offering manages to stand out—not necessarily as a shining gem, but certainly as a passable diversion.

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Tiptoes

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A cavalcade of terrible decisions that 3 Oscar winners and an Emmy winner decided was good for them, gave us a movie that's good for us but no one else.

"Tiptoes" is a cinematic trainwreck that defies all expectations of quality filmmaking. From its cringe-inducing dialogue to its baffling plot twists, this movie is a prime example of how NOT to make a film. Despite boasting not one, not two, but THREE Oscar-winning actors in its cast, "Tiptoes" is a catastrophic failure that leaves audiences scratching their heads in disbelief.

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The Gingerdead Man

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Gary Busey does some crimes, gets the chair and with the help of his momma hatches a very dubious but tasty way to enact his revenge against those that he did crimes against. I don't know. Look he's a talking murder cookie. What do you want here?

Ok this isn't exactly Macbeth here. Its a Charles Band movie called The Gingerdead Man. Its ridiculous. I think you know the level of intellect that is being tossed at you. You shouldn't be that surprised to know that this movie is a stinker. But what you might not expect is...that its kind of fun. Well why wouldn't it be? Well because of a slew of similarly stupid movies that have come out in the last 20 years. Some gimmick like Sharks From Mars or Tiny Tim But He's a Murderer or Octopusindomikhan or Dead People Who Are Famous Fight Vampires or... well you get the idea. The Asylum is especially to blame for this and you all know how we feel about their lazy garbage. So The Gingerdead Man likely has been on your radar in the same vein as their crap. But...its really not like their crap.

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Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror

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Snoop takes us on a horror ride in an anthology shaped Cadillac as he collects to souls of the damned to be his neighbors as he rules the subdivision, The Hood of Horrors, in hell. Get ready for a grotesque block party!

So go into this knowing that it only cost $5 million in 2006. That's not a ton of money. With that knowledge in mind, this is an very tight efficient little package. You've got animation (not cheap) and a cavalcade of guest starts (not cheap either) and some seriously clever makeup and effects (also not cheap). Director Stacy Title did a very good job of keeping this thing on track and seamless.

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51st State

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Samuel L and Robert Carlyle team up in this drug/money caper/heist that looks like a Ritchie/Boyle knock-off/bandwagon romp/joint. We'll be leaving/running away now.

Uh......it sucks. I would love to say that this is an undiscovered gem that the critics harpooned because it was ahead of its time (much in the same manner as they treated Snatch) and that this will become your new favorite movie. I can't say that. The critics got it right. Its vapid, cloney and drivel.

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DOA: Dead or Alive

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Another massive video game adaptation comes to us in the form of a fighting game with massive jiggle physics. Somehow they managed to supplement the jiggle with one of the dumbest villain idiot plot we've ever come across.

So let's get the obvious question out of the way - is DOA the movie as jiggly as the game - no. The sexuality in the movie is way toned down - due to trying to reach a mass audience including the sexually conservative Chinese market. Bummer.

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Reindeer Games

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Its twists! Its turns! Its lefts and rights! Its yields to oncoming traffics. Its Acme Fake Tunnels slapped onto the side of a cliffs! Ben Afflecks and Charlizes try to give us a shocker and instead we get the upper decker.

Reindeer Games is such a pile of mess. On one side you've got "that friend" that watches this on TNT one night (usually while wishing they were invited to the party you're throwing but you intentionally didn't because they can't play in any reindeer games, OMG you're a total dick, dude) then later comes to you and begs you to watch it with them and then stares at you the whole time until 'the big reveal' and then waits for you to react - you don't and they are shocked. You're not the type of person who will be shocked (you listen to Stinker Madness and know your stuff) and so you're relationship gets even more strained but you feel guilty because of that one time when you were really hard up after your girlfriend (that you thought was at least a 9 but was really more like a 6 and just had a solid set of cans) dumped you for a bartender for a biker bar in a different county and this friend let you stay on their couch while you cried yourself to sleep for three days about 15 years ago. Thanks Frankenheimer!

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Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding

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An old villain from Mitch's past comes back to enact revenge by.... having him get married to his one true love? With a cast of Baywatchers this size, and a plot as dumb as it is, this has got to be one wild ride, right? Well....

Sato (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) comes back from season 2 of the Baywatch TV series, to get revenge against Mitch and Hobie for getting him arrested. That's all fine and good. The issue lies in how he decides to get it. He gets his girlfriend to have Face-Off style surgery to look just like former show member and off/on again Mitch love interest, Stephanie Holden. Then she must seduce Mitch, bone-down with him repeatedly, get him to propose and then get him to agree to have the wedding on a volcano island so that Sato can put his friends in James Bond style death traps and let Mitch save them. Lots of moving parts in this diabolical-ness.

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National Treasure

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Nic Cage goes on a deep quest to prevent his own hiring decision from ruining his plans to get super-rich. Along the way he confuses us with poorly written treasure clues, crazy eyebrows, word-association and flaunting Jerry Bruckheimer's watch.

National Treasure is arguably the most "blockbuster" movie ever made. It's filled with EVERY trick in the book for film-making that puts the butts in the movie seats. It's more crap that's ever been put in one burrito. The problem is that every single one of these tricks is as safe and risk free as can be. So yes, it's filled with stuff, but no is it anything you haven't seen 1000 times in other movies. 

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From Justin to Kelly

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Nothing says box office magic like a contractually-obligated lead with zero acting experience teams up for a teen sex-romp with no teens or sex with 50-something moms as the target market.

Surprisingly, 2 of 3 Stinker Madness hosts say this is a do. They say that its just so bad that it comes back around to being watchable and a must-see for bad movie fans. They say that there's enough bad dancing, terrible costumes, horrendous songs, and enough hovercraft deaths to keep one engaged. They say..well who cares what they say - they aren't writing this crap.

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Druids

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Christopher Lambert dons the worst hair we've ever seen and leads an uprising against the Romans only to ultimately accomplishing nothing and dies off screen. There's nothing good about this film.

Zzzz....Oh I'm sorry. You caught me napping after watching Druids. What did I miss? Oh, nothing. Absolutely nothing? Ok. I'll move on to something else.

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The Adventures of Pluto Nash

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The biggest flop in Hollywood history visits the podcast, eats all our food, backups the sewer system and kidnaps our children and then quietly makes us forget that any of it ever happened. Will it be worse than The Love Guru?

Nope.

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Bubba Ho-Tep

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Elvis and JFK team up to take down a butt-sucking undead SOB in a nursing home. OR Elvis ends up in a horrible nursing home and struggles to find a reason to keep living. Pick one. You can't have both without muddying up the other. 

While Bubba Ho-Tep should absolutely be praised for accomplishing what it does on only $500,000, it must also be dissed for its non-budget related flaws. Chiefly its duality but also in its production. If you read the back story on this movie, you'll learn that they had a mismatch with the cameras and the level of knowledge on how to run them. So what should have taken 15 days to shoot took 30. That made a lot of stuff in the screenplay that needed to be in film, end up on the floor and a lot of stretching of what was available (which isn't much). This is one of the lowest on content movies we've ever reviewed.

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Burlesque

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A mediocre talent finds inspiration in an over-the-hill mentor and in doing so makes a nightclub successful. So Xanadu...right? Actually, it's also Chicago, Moulin Rouge and Coyote Ugly. Thanks Troy from Goonies!

Let's face it, gang. Burlesque is about 30 minutes too long and suffers from the typical drag of poorly thought out projects - there's too many subplots and no main plot. While most of them are just meh, one subplot is insufferable - the romance. What's her name Aquafina falls in love with her (seriously gay) roommate/coworker. And their relationship is like watching paint dry, then become acid and fly into your face. It is intolerably uninteresting until it causes you physical pain.

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Hard Cash

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When you must put your slowly dieing career into the dumpster forever, the fast path is to team up with Christian Slater in a crime-caper. A band of bozos get caught in an dirty FBI sting and must steal all the gold for themselves...and they only thing stopping them is their own idiocy.

We'll start by saying that this ALMOST has something. There's bookends of banana business but that squishy look-warm middle bit drags it back into the depths of quite not interesting. Despite it having the worst produced car chases, worse than SNL rear-projection, Verne Troyer in a toilet with a dart-gun, Val Kilmer giving his belief in his characters one last try, and Bill Forysthe in a washing machine, there's just not enough fun here to put it in the do column.

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Deck the Halls

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When it comes to the Christmas Flop, there's not too many floppier than 2006's Deck the Halls. I could be the groan-inducing jokes, the two one-time (and future) A-listers with their careers on the skids, or the really cliche and played plot. But mostly it's just that you hate the characters and want them to explode in a ball of fire.

Both of these men are horrible people. Which works great in a forum like Always Sunny but not so much in the yearly family outing at the movie theater with the cousins from Des Moines. Both Steve and Buddy are completely unlikable from the start - frame 1. You can't do that. When you have this plot (Dads take things too far!) you need at least your protagonist to be both likable and identifiable so that when the dads shake hands and treat each other with respect at the end, you have a location to return your character to with the viewer. This doesn't have it. Steve's a dick at the beginning and middle and end.

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The Happening

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The film that puts you directly into the mind of the characters and the writer/director at the same time - you'll feel confusion and without direction. By the end you'll be giving the same answer as the movie - "I don't know!"

Not even M. Knight can say what this movie is directly about. Ask him 6 different times and you'll get 6 different answers. One could put this into the sub-genre of disaster movies, but please, someone tell us definitively what the disaster is. The best that can be done is "The trees take revenge on man for invading their environment" but that just opens up more questions that can only be answered with "I don't know!" The on-screen scientists can only say "I don't know". Wahlburg never figures out what's going on and repeatedly says "I don't know". We don't know!

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Eragon

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To the disheartening of many fans of the book series, men in ties decide to make a dragon movie without any dragons in it and decide the story is too confusing so they just remade Star Wars. Beware the powers of the dark side of jelly beans!

If you're like us and have never read the Eragon book series, then you'll arguably have less problems with the divergence (that wasn't an accident) of the source material from the pre-teen books to this flaming pile of nonsense. It's a necessary position to look at the 2006 film objectively. We don't know the back story and the subtle elements of the world that this takes place in (if there are any) so don't come at us, bro! And in any situation, none of that should matter - because Eragon the movie, at least, doesn't suffer from it's abandonment from the source material - it suffers from the direct theft of OTHER source material.

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Speed Racer

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38 Metacritic, 39% Rotten Tomatoes, 35% domestic returns, universally panned by all, a terrible idea that could never make money and its one of the best films we've reviewed. If you haven't seen Speed Racer, you are blowing it.

DISCLAIMER: Speed Racer is in NO possible way a stinker (other than it's reputation). It's absolutely crack for your eyeballs. It's pulse-pounding racing action and over-the-top fun, all while being genuinely funny, well told, competently acted and a great tale. At the very least, it should have won Oscar gold for special effects, editing, sound design, production design, and cinematography. So don't expect much lampooning here.

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