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Outcast

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Two former Knights Templars (however the plural of that works) roam "The Far East" in a vague period of time bust up a usurpation of the kingdom by moping, doing opium, terrible battle plans and becoming Caribbean pirates. Tempyarr!!!

What you want to come here for is the bad acting and the incredibly stupid character decisions. As one could predict, Hayden Christensen is not good. Surprisingly, he's far from the worst. Unsurprisingly, that award goes to Nic Coppola. Look, here's on set for about 3 days. At some point, he went into his trailer for 30 minutes, came back out and then told the director that his character should transition into a voodoo pirate. Well even if one could agree to those terms, Nicolas couldn't because his Yarrr! pirate fades in and out even within the same set of dialogue. Outcast has to rank as one of the worst Cage has even given us and the number one reason to show up to watch this film.

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Dolemite

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Rudy Ray Moore dons the person of Dolemite who may or may not be a pimp, but is definitely awful at karate. In one of the most unique bad movies we've ever reviewed, Dolemite is unforgettable.

The major thing that is unique is that at least 90% of the cast is completely stoned. No one is drunk. Which is strange in a strange way. Why are bad movies usually filmed with drunk people but very rarely filled with everyone that is absolutely blazed. It makes for a very unique take in a bad movie.

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Rage to Kill

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Race car (and man of assorted skills) Blaine Striker invades the tiny island of Santa Heron to team up with the local PhD candidates to take down a very drunk Oliver Reed's nasty plan to repeat the Cuban Missile Crisis. Shenanigans ensue....

Rage to Kill is about as VHS 80's icon as you can imagine. It's the perfect film to have gone into your local tape rental store (the good ol days), go to the action section, judge movies only by the box the tape comes in and keep your fingers crossed that you didn't get a snoozefest. What you instead get here is a bonkers plot, drunk actors, sexy coeds with guns, Russian missiles and many explosions that don't line up.

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Firecracker

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A tournament to the death turns into a strange drug heist eliminate the middle-man plot, all to the backdrop of a chesty-karate lady falling for the man who murdered her sister, one Darby Hinton.

Firecracker is as good as bonkers Philippines movie as they come. None of it lines up but it's all non-stop entertaining. We should start by paying homage to the musical score. Without the score, this may be an entirely a different monster and possibly draggy in stops - although it should also be noted that the score was straight stolen from another New World Pictures project.

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Navy Seals

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Chaz is back and with the help of Michael Biehn and Billy Paxton, sends seven guys in to blow up some moderately dangerous weapons, comes back with only four guys and commits ineptitude and crimes against humanity along the way. Recruitment has never been so good, right?

Wow, is Navy Seals a terrible representation of America's top elite fighting force. I mean, if this is how things really are, help us all because bad things are going to happen around the world. Nothing here makes the viewer say to themselves, "Hey, those guys are doing a good job. I should join up." Now, all our libtard "war is bad" attitude aside, these guys are completely inept. They take the hardest route to do the most mundane of tasks and end up getting most of them killed with each step.

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Rambo: Last Blood

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Rambo rides off into the sunset (or dies in a pool of blood) but takes many, many, many people down with him on the way. It's a bloody, sticky, mess that will fall into the either love-it or hate-it folly.

So let's get this out of the way first - Rambo: Last Blood looks like absolute crap. Whomever shot this should be sacked. Very few shots look even as good as most DTV films and each vehicle scene features completely unnecessary rear-projection. Why in the hell does this have to look so awful?

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Angel Has Fallen

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Banning comes back once again to save the President once again from an assassination attempt where not everything is not as it seems once again. It's the number one movie in America, but is it enough to keep the Banning franchise alive?

Make no mistake, Banning 3's plot statement above is the same as the other two but this film is a departure from the other two. Where the other two are a thin plot stuff around ludicrous action scenes and Banning eating the flesh of his enemies, this one mostly has Banning on the defensive and reacting to the violence around him instead of reveling in it. And while the villain is a complete moron (we'll get to that later) there's nothing really stupid that takes place in Banning's world. Let's put it this way - if there were no Banning 1 and 2, Banning 3 wouldn't be on the podcast. It's just a solid (if forgettable) action movie.

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Hobbs and Shaw

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The bald bros are back minus the biggest bald bro, so the bald bro stock is down! The 2/3 of the bald bros are forced to team-up to stop Thanos from killing everyone while learning about super-powered villains, love and friendship and forget about family, Vin Diesel and cars.

While there is a myriad of problems with Universal's fingers in their big franchise (of which there is many fingers) the team behind the action do a great job. This film is shot well, very well choreographed, has some genuinely funny cameos (that normally would have sucked ass), and some great film-making contrasting the two leads.

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Dark Angel

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Dolph disguises a buddy-cop movie as an terminator movie. Inside you'll learn that the most deadliest weapon in space are compact discs and all aliens have male-pattern-baldness.

Dark Angel AKA I Come in Peace is absolutely bananas. It's so full of action sequences, explosions, aliens chasing each other, one-liners, and a crazy plot where people's brains are drugs in space. It's riddled with buddy-cop cliches, the new partner that does this by the book, an ex-girlfriend that also works in the same circles, the chief that wants his badge, etc... all while giant alien guys are exploding everything in the city with mega-weapons. It's fantastic.

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The Peacekeeper

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Dolph grabs onto a couple of nukes and uses them to turn his shirt into a sleeveless job. It's The Rock all over again with better acting, better stunts and better action sequences - and it still stinks. 

We won't dig too much into the plot here because it's legit just The Rock within a missile silo. What we want to talk about is the incredible amount of stinker staples delivered. There's no sploding chopper but there's pretty much everything else. Dolph's 1-liners and overflowing from his cup and they are all A+ cheesy goodness. The amount of stunts and the level of production put into these stunts while wrapped around a really close example of the idiot plot is astounding. The production design is a blend of surprising and terrible. The script is bonkers bad. There's a little here for everyone.

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Men of War

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Sometimes a studio puts too much talent behind a terribly stupid movie. Sometimes there's some subtle social commentary that sneaks into the script and then has the competency behind the camera to accurately capture those topics. Then you have action guys who just like to blow everything up. Welcome to Men of War.

I absolutely adore this movie. It suffers from the Idiot Plot, yet has some level of emotion behind everything it tries to achieve. It's like a mashup of Forrest Gump/Platoon and Deadly Prey. Everything is shot well, the location is fantastic, the dialogue is sharp.... until Dolph gets to deliver some one-liners.

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Picasso Trigger

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Andy Sidaris once again dials the nonsense up to about 50 and matches that number with topless women. This time the LETHAL team has to deal with some internal double-crossing or triple-crossing, we're very confused on how many crossings happen here. 

We've seen that a lot of the reviews online for the 4th film in the LETHAL collection (this one proves that Seven is part of the franchise) that this one isn't good. There's no giant snake gimic, not as crazy stunts, and a much crappier version of the Malibu Express. Those points are all correct however, this is still a great time and as far as we can see has only one extreme drawback - the continuing degradation of the Abilene's in quality. Travis Abilene is the worst. He's just scummy. The actor belongs on the bad guy team - not among the coolest guys of all time. He stinks.

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Who Killed Captain Alex?

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From Wakaliwood comes Uganda's first action movie! This is Uganda! Yeah Yeah Yeah Okay! Commandos! Tiger Mafia! Tiger Mafia Commandos! VJ Emmie on the mic! So yeah, we make fun of it.

Who Killed Captain Alex is one of the cleverly disguised as crap, but actually smarter b-movies we've reviewed on the show. We found the plot to be fairly conventional while watching the movie until the last 3 frames and we released that we had been duped. This was no common hyper-budget action movie. Nothing out of Vietnam, Philippines, or Mexico writes like this. Its absolutely riffing on the entire genre in the vain of The OPTurbo-Kid, and Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter. The hook is so subtle despite it being the title of the damn movie.

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American Hunter

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Robert Mitchum's kid freelances his way into a "get the ninja tape" situation and into Janet's heart all while being WAY above the law and murdering many innocent people. Expect some shenanigans in this super-budget movie out of Indonesia.

One of a kind in it's repetition and recurring themes, American Hunter (Lethal Hunter in Europe) is a classic super-budget action film with very poorly thought-out plot elements. Behold the final list of incredibly weird repeating onscreen events:

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The Hurricane Heist

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The US Dept of Treasury hires an ATF agent and some "Army guys" to protect $600 million on its way to a giant paper shredder. Then some baddies try to steal it. Set to the backdrop of a physically impossible hurricane. The only thing in their way? A weatherman and is mechanic brother. Too early to whisper SMABFA?

This movie is crap. Whether its enjoyable crap is a topic for debate, which we'll get into, but it's absolute crap. Fans of bad movies MUST see this film. It's astounding that we are still making screenplays that are this terrible. At no point did anyone bother to open a book to check out how hurricanes work. So the science is impossibly bad - like Armageddon bad. Yet, the science is not as bad as the plot. You guessed it, we're facing another round of the idiot plot. Both sides (good and bad guys) go out of their way to ensure the plot exists against their own interests. Stuff that next to atrocious dialogue such as:

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Rampage

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Dwayne is back into being the charming, super-ripped, former Special Forces, who has more ability to punch a monster in the face than follow social norms. This time he's playing the role of 15th guy from the 4th level of the original video game. Plus 3 monsters destroy Chicago and Don Jr. makes his acting debut.

Thanks to the incredibly bad decisions of corporate scientist CEOs (whatever that is), we are treated to three genetically mutated former critters that eventually get to big and start smashing crap. You can imagine what that's like. So let's talk about everything else.

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I think we were about as far off as we possibly could be. Ours was more like "Great Kicks For Old Chuck Percy Snow". This informat... Read More
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No Holds Barred

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People that make TV shows, write a script in 72 hours while blasting through piles of cocaine, that showcases their complete lack of knowledge about making TV shows. It's Rip v Zeus in The Battle of the Tough Guys that can only end in one way.... murder!

Nothing can describe the (at that time) WWF in the late 80s like No Holds Barred. Hulk is the #1 guy in the phony man-fighting and his entire schtick is on display here. There's no difference between the character of Rip and Hulk Hogan. Imagine a film called "Morgue Work" starring The Undertaker who's character name is Mortician Jim. Rip loves the kids, he loves his family and he loves making snorting sounds....just like Hulk Hogan. Which leads me to believe that Terry Hogan had more to do with writing this POS then Vince McMahon. I like to envision Terry writing in crayon in a furor while McMahon murders prostitutes in the corner.

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The Running Man

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Despite its satirical nature and heavy social commentary, The Running Man drops the ball (or the hockey puck) before the goal and trips into the net, bashes into the goalpost, gets the ball stuck in its facemask, and suffers multiple self-inflicted concussions. Well...at least it didn't murder it's ex-wife and her lover. WHOA!! TOO SOON!

1987's The Running Man is one of those "oh, so close" to being good films, but as we see time and time again, men in ties get in the way and say "We gotta ham this up! We got Arnold so its has to be stupid, right?" There is just enough left of Stephen King's novella in here that you feel like you should be able to see past the caricature of entertainment and find meaning in its messages. Time for some deep reflection, right? Well no. Time to slap your forehead in missed opportunity grief.

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Radical Jack

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When you need the toughest of tough guys to play your super agent and lone wolf defender of justice, get that Achy Breaky Heart guy. No man has ever been tougher! But make sure his girlfriend is the one that is the most "radical".

Here's the end result of Radical Jack; Jack is NOT radical, in fact. His most penultimate "action" move to hide under a bed. Not kidding. The film spends the first 3/4 telling us how tough Jack is, what with his smoldering gazes, his Ray-Ban shades, his supreme mullet, his "Renegade" Jeep, his barb-wire tattoo and such. Then we learn he's just not tough at all as he fails to be the catalyst and executor of the climax. It's DeeDee Pfeiffer who is indeed the radical one. "Radical Kate" should be the title of the film.

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Simon Sez

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Dennis Rodman returns in the form of a bumble-bee to plant the foundation of the XXX squad, by making Dane Cook the CEO. Its truly in the list of worst action movies ever made and could be the gold standard for enjoyably dumb action movies...if it wasn't for Dane Cook.

Dane Cook blows. You know this, so we aren't going to devote time here to review his schtick - what will do instead is warn you that he is truly at his least formed here, with the most "punch me" act ever captured on celluloid. He's worse than Jar Jar. 

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