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Ex-Surfer and shirtless hunk Rick struggles with whether to continue on doing the thing he's too old for but loves or to not have sex with the 17 year old. See what I did there? Welcome to the Baywatch Prequel.

I mean seriously, this is just Baywatch right or the other way around? The story follows Mitch, I mean Rick, who is now 32 and still a beach bum lifeguard. So he has to make a choice: enter the suit-and-tie world of schmucks or keep on guarding and facing ridicule from society. Along the way, he takes on a new trainee (Parker Stevenson - yup THAT Parker Stevenson) who is attending college in the fall (possibly law school?), gets himself into a school girl crush/statutory rape situation, hooks up with an ex who is way out of his league and loses a lifeguard decathlon because he's getting too old for this shit. All this while sprinkled with various lifeguard activities that will one day become plot lines for entire episodes of Baywatch. 

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A town of MAGA boys get a parade each time they win a baseball game and the ladies have had enough of their bull. Sadly, their anger lasts about 24 hours. This is why we can't get anything done in this country.

According to Lloyd Kaufman, this is a women's liberation movie. I think he might have decided that way after the fact and the ties to women's lib are behind  boobie movie king, Andy Sidaris saying the same thing. Sure, its got women in leads who want to be treated equally to men, but these are straight up bimbos. Where Andy's ladies were strong and smarter than their male counterparts (also usually topless), Lloyd's lady baseball team are mostly only in it so they can either get their boyfriends back or make the boys fall in love with them.

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Totally awesome video game! Jeff tries to save the community center that doubles as a video arcade with the help from his friends against the dubiously motivated Joe Don Baker who wants to shut it all down. Will Billy Jack win the ski competition to save the school from the rival break-dancers?

Joysticks is arguably Greydon Clark's magnum opus. Its all of it. He threw every cheesy bad movie trope he could think of. Amazingly bad/awesome theme song? Check. Not so subtle phallic worship? Check. A nerd with a heart of gold who may or may not be packing heat? Check. Joe Don? Check. Boobs and then boobs on top of boobs? Check. Uncle Rico? Check. Valley girls who just love video games? Check. Filming without permits? Check. Everything is here.

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It's got a random gorilla, a laser "unit", eyebrows that change from shot to shot, a trio of tough ladies, possible ninjas and a dubious plot to build the Infinity Gauntlet so you know this must be a Jim Wynorski movie. Bring on the chesty women!

If you've ever seen a Jim Wynorski film, you know of two things to expect: the left boob and the right boob. This one is no different. It's just a silly budget movie with a fairly standard plot (a trio of chesty ladies team-up to destroy an evil plot to take over the world) but that's where the convention ends. Things get pretty loosey goosey with regard to its own script as Jim runs roughshod with his own project. It's glorious.

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Andy Sidaris once again dials the nonsense up to about 50 and matches that number with topless women. This time the LETHAL team has to deal with some internal double-crossing or triple-crossing, we're very confused on how many crossings happen here. 

We've seen that a lot of the reviews online for the 4th film in the LETHAL collection (this one proves that Seven is part of the franchise) that this one isn't good. There's no giant snake gimic, not as crazy stunts, and a much crappier version of the Malibu Express. Those points are all correct however, this is still a great time and as far as we can see has only one extreme drawback - the continuing degradation of the Abilene's in quality. Travis Abilene is the worst. He's just scummy. The actor belongs on the bad guy team - not among the coolest guys of all time. He stinks.

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Like that weird kid that doesn't look anything like his parents, you may be thinking he's a weirdo and should be avoided. But then you bump into him at the punch bowl and realize he's one cool dude. That's Deathstalker II.

Once again, Jim Wynorski shows the world why he should be at the top of the list of directors who make budget films. While most similar directors are given a project like this and just crap it out for the paycheck (I'm talking to you, anyone who works for The Asylum) good ol' Jim is told to make a Conan-knockoff and then makes a buddy-copesque screwball comedy with lots of adventure and shenanigans. Jim is the DaVinci of crummy movies.

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Somehow we've managed to stay clear of Linda Blair, which is strange because she's very easy to bump into. Here she's showcasing the gals, while running a gang of gals, and find revenge (eventually) after taking an hour and fifteen minutes to be pushed over the edge.

Somehow Savage Streets manages to be a mashup of about every 80's budget genre. It's a slasher, a sex-romp, a revenge jobber, and a roller-skating boogie in the vein of Grease. Yet it manages to miss being a Romeo & Juliet, a vigilante justice story and Dangerous Minds. It's pretty bizarre in how much territory it covers while failing to get to the plot for one hour.

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It's Sean Connery in a man-diaper with bullets. It's a genderless Utopia while showcasing knockers. It's a whirlwind of confusion and questionable film-making decisions. It's a serious mess covered in psychedelia while making some heavy, heavy, heavy social commentary. Get ready for your mind to be melted.

Imagine you've got Zardoz in mind and you sit down to write it. "Open on a gun-barfing god's floating head." Then try to go from there. Zardoz is just bizarre in how it decides to get to were it needs to. It may have been John Boorman's intention to distract the viewer with the weirdness so that when he reveals the plot and message to the viewer they weren't prepared for it. Along the way though, wow.... You might have your brain turn into rubber and question the use of your weiner/vaginer.

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We wrap up our Spooktober with a staple from a staple franchise and one of the strangest big box office horror films ever made. This is just a strange film starring "Jason" with lots of head choppins, boobs and a cast of some pretty unusual characters.

So Jason V is one weird film and frankly astounds that it ever frightened anyone...even children. It's seriously gentle in its horror, the plot is not frightening, Jason is not intimidating, and the gore is pretty mild. The MPAA really didn't help out this film at all as it's seriously cut down.

A French director, named Just Jaeckin, gives us a serious boobie movie with Tawny Kitaen, Brent Huff, and Zabou in which they find the land of the Yik Yak, an underground future society of topless women. Its got our record for the highest boob count to date!

Well imagine a movie where there's about 100 different topless women. So I know you can just stop and be happy with that. But there's so much more to this film than a cavalcade of hot cans. 

Betsy Russell cranks up the charm while the movie's everything else sets women's equality back 20 years. It's possibly the most offensive to women (and anyone with a brain) movie to come out of the 80s packaged as a rom-com. Enjoy this movie, but in no way practice anything from it in real life.

We'll start with Betsy Russell, the star (Tommy Boyd). She's quite cute. She's quite charming. She's got a huge rack. But her hair stinks. She suffers from a case of Adrienne Barbeau head. Yes it was the 80's and yes perms were the norm but in "these modern times" perms look ridiculous and only belong on people that work the counter at your local golf course. With that caveat, we'd love it if we could find more stinkers with her in them. She's got IT!

This week on the Stinker Madness Podcast, Jackie chooses a classic 80's sexy-time "girls can do it too" cheese fest starring Betsy Russell as Tommy. Thus begins our third year in "bad" movie podcasting. Gear up!

In this episode we've got a trailer for "Nancy Dan" a mashup of the trailer for Tomboy and Carol. What? Plus....

We open this episode with Justin applying for The Agency, the guns, girls and g-strings government group from the Andy Sidaris films.

We take up our second Andy Sidaris film with Hard Ticket to Hawaii. It's a fun film that we all love with busty ladies, fun jokes, crazy assasins, huge explosions and an evil snake. What more could you want?

Russ and Roger go beyond in this under-whelming tale of how LA is tough on people, I guess. It's really a tale of people having banter that doesn't work for the viewer and then boning. Nothing happens in the film until 90% of the way through. We say less banter, more boobies.

We'll just go ahead and say that this was a massive disappointment. We were hoping for some really far out zany business with a nice backdrop of solid chests. Unfortunately, its mostly just music video, party, banter, music video, party, banter, tame boning, music video, banter, party, wedding, credits. This formula equals a sum of boring for 3/4 of the film. The pacing and writing seem to try to shock the viewer but I can't even imagining in 1970 that this film was shocking. Its as if you are told that people can be gay and then the person telling you this looks at you as says "Aren't you shocked? You must be shocked? That's SOOOO shocking" while you look at this person and wonder if they've ever been outside. How naive did Russ and Roger think people were in 1970? People have sex and do drugs?!?! Whoa...

Coming soon from Stinker Studios - Vampires and Vixens, the Russ Meyer movie they didn't want you to see!

We prepare this week for the rated X Russ Meyer classic, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Jackie recently saw "Life Itself", the documentary about Roger Ebert and now she thinks Beyond the Valley of the Dolls may be the greatest thing to ever exist. Sam and Justin have already seen it and are on shaky ground. Who will be rewarded? Hopefully YOU, dear listener!

It's time to step onto the Malibu Express (hope you can get past security) and get into the shower (it's ok to stare at the camera) as Andy Sidaris gives us the epic booby movie that is Malibu Express.

This one's got it all: Guns, girls, glitz, boobs, racing, helicopters, grenades, ad-libbed lines, fast cars, faster women, yacht clubs, international espionage, more boobs, and soooo much more boobs.

We also want to thank Arlene Sidaris for all her help and support on making this episode possible. Arlene is why we all still have access to the Andy Sidaris library and so we wish her love and thanks for keeping these movies alive. Also please watch the film this week in full from Mill Creek Productions:

Brought to you by "Put Boobs Anywhere", the new wonder product that will cure all your booblessness problems.

This episode we prepare for what we feel may be the greatest b-movie ever made. It's a masterpiece of huge boobs, silly jokes, excessive nudity, bad gun play, random car race challenges, insane henchmen, more huge boobs, Playboy playmates and more one-liners than an 80's Arnold movie.

We also deliver more Netflix reviews on what to watch and don't watch, plus bad movie trivia and plenty of the usual silly business that we are known for. Tally-ho!

Let the ferrets fly and the tigers die as Jeff and Tucker from If We Made It podcast show up to help us try to make sense of The Beastmaster. Does PETA show up to put a stop to the madness? Does Tanya Roberts save the movie by letting the ladies out? Does anyone get 'sploded? (Spoiler alerts - no, yes, yes - respectively)

This movie is completely nuts. Its a complete knockoff of Conan, but so wild in every way, it stands on its own. Beastmaster has some pretty vague powers, villians have pretty vague motivations and relationships, minions wear helmets that don't allow them to see anything, bat-people may or may not make soup, and people disappear randomly for much of the movie. It's great.

How this film didn't get shut down with animal cruelty is a pretty big mystery. Most people know that the tiger that was painted black to become a panther died, but the incredible feat is how many ferrets must have been murdered. They fly across the screen all the time; they had to have hired a guy just to toss ferrets. Another falls to his death, another drowns, god knows how many were eaten by the eagle. 

Let me break this down to you in one word - boobs.  So many boobs.  Oh god there's so many.  

Sounds great right?

Well......not really. It actually makes for just ok. But I'll get into that.

So the movie revolves around this group of women (in some unknown location and in some unknown time) that have their village and booties plundered but some guys in black, all on the day of the Amethea's (Lana Clarkson) wedding day to Argan (Frank Zagarino). Bummer. So this small band of women (only 2 of them actually do anything; Taramis only ever cares about food) set out to rescue Argan and get revenge.

Well they suck at it.  They are REALLY good however and getting captured, tortured and further raped.  Nice work ladies. Eventually they make it to the bad guy's castle/town thingy where everyone does nothing but wander around and then get captured.  Amethea eventually ends up on a torture "rack" (her elbows are nice and bent the entire time, very comfy).  Her torturer then attempts to awkwardly rape her but she must have been really (I mean REALLY) doing kegel exercises as she ends up ripping the guy's unit off and then pushing him into what I infer is a vat of acid.