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Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
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Russ and Roger go beyond in this under-whelming tale of how LA is tough on people, I guess. It's really a tale of people having banter that doesn't work for the viewer and then boning. Nothing happens in the film until 90% of the way through. We say less banter, more boobies.

We'll just go ahead and say that this was a massive disappointment. We were hoping for some really far out zany business with a nice backdrop of solid chests. Unfortunately, its mostly just music video, party, banter, music video, party, banter, tame boning, music video, banter, party, wedding, credits. This formula equals a sum of boring for 3/4 of the film. The pacing and writing seem to try to shock the viewer but I can't even imagining in 1970 that this film was shocking. Its as if you are told that people can be gay and then the person telling you this looks at you as says "Aren't you shocked? You must be shocked? That's SOOOO shocking" while you look at this person and wonder if they've ever been outside. How naive did Russ and Roger think people were in 1970? People have sex and do drugs?!?! Whoa...

The acting is par for the most part, we wouldn't call it really good or bad; only a few people really blow it and give us something to remark on. Which is another strike. There is only a couple of laughable performances. This in spite the fact that most of the cast is made up of Playmates.

The main thing that I think most people (who enjoy good bad movies) will have a beef with and is really a subset problem for the whole industry is that this movie is rated X. For what?!?!? There is really very little on screen nudity for an X movie. Its definitely R rated levels of nudity because of volume of nude women but nudity on screen time is very low. Each shot of chesticles is very brief and fleeting. Other times the outfits are very revealing but don't show the whole package such as Cynthia Meyers lingerie that silhouettes her figure for about 20 minutes of the film but does not show any fiddly bits directly. Secondly, the nudity is very rarely shown in conjunction with sexual activities and when it is again is very brief. One couple has a man on top (no thrusting) and a boob flops out. The other has a seen with two women who seem to have no idea how lesbian sex works. According to the scene, this act goes down by face-touching and boob smashing.

The only thing we can figure is that the film has such an accurate portrayal of the effects of drug use that maybe the MPAA decided they found that part the disturbing part. When people do drugs or get drunk in this film they stay drunk/high. For instance, one woman seduces an elderly man but making him spoke pot for the first time, but then we she tries to do the hump the old man is (comically) uncomfortable and in no condition for boning, since he is now high for the first time in his life. Another instance, has a group of 4 people who do peyote and then don't have a good time. They trip balls, sure, but the peyote party turns too weird. A woman seems to be on quaaludes, has sex with a guy and then doesn't remember it at all the next morning. That's about all we can figure.

Either way, it's not good and not worth a repeat viewing if you have already seen it and ready to try again. However, this movie is important in the grand scheme of being a bad movie fan and we feel it is a must view.....ONCE. Its so close to being great, and it may be just a good pair of scissors from being cured of its problems. Its a good way to know what makes a good bad movie and what doesn't given all the tools to do so. It's required viewing for both bad movie fans AND cinephiles in general.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:1-star
Cheesy effects:2-star
Horrendous acting:3-star
Ridiculous stunts:1-star
Gratuitous nudity:4-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 4-star
Bad Movie Quality:5-star

Prelude to The Wraith
Prelude to Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

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Saturday, 24 February 2024

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