Don't go running in the park at night! It's not smart!
If you ever find yourself yearning for a film that epitomizes the phrase "so bad it's good," look no further than the 1984 classic Alley Cat. This cinematic gem stars Karin Mani as Billie, a karate black belt street justice fighter whose commitment to poor decision-making is nothing short of legendary.
Don "The Dragon" Wilson is not the same guy as the first two or the last five movies. This time he's in prison and......oh sorry fell asleep.
If you're searching for a thrilling martial arts experience, "Bloodfist III: Forced to Fight" ain't it. This lackluster sequel not only fails to capture the essence of its predecessors but falls flat on every front, from its uninspiring plot to its lackadaisical fight choreography.
The guy from Double Dragon teams up with the guy from a spinoff of The Cosby Show (ew) and that lady who died of mold in that documentary in one of the most under-rated bonkers banana business masterpieces of karate comedy ever put to film.
What a undiscovered treasure this masterpiece is. Just one year after this was released to video a movie was put in theaters and received much acclaim, success and two sequels called Rush Hour which is a clinic in film ripoffery if I've ever seen one after 20 years later watching Drive for the first time. There is no possible way that Brent Ratner didn't watch Drive and then say "yeah I'm gonna do a lot more of that in my film". There's no way. It's a travesty that this film wasn't a bigger deal because it is SOOO vastly superior to Rush Hour. Maybe just not as marketable to a mass audience.
Kris and Preston find themselves having to work with Patrick Muldoon's hair to break up a diamond heist in Jakarta. Do they ever realize their unstated attraction? Does the US government see rewards for sending a high school teacher as a double agent? Can Richard Norton get his pants higher? No to all.
While Rage and Honor was a bit of a disappointment for its under utilized shenanigans, the sequel manages to go all in. Its not that they turned the amps to 11 because this feels like its own standalone piece that's unrelated in all ways to its predecessor. Tonally different and chock full of nanners, this is an absolute blast from start to finish. It starts with Cynthia Rothrock smashing her co-workers balls and ends with Patrick Muldoon falling off a crane in comedic fashion and never lets off the gas throughout.
Its a cornball karate team-up in a hunt for a video tape that can clear the name of an Aussie cop who has no reason for being there in the first place. Will they fall in love? Will they save the life of their friend? Can anyone explain Brian Thompson's hair? The answer is no to all.
So things are fairly typical for a DTV karate movie of this era. You've got your standard karate revenge plot. You've got a female/male will they/won't they standard. You've got shirtless dudes punching it out. The pacing is on key with an alarm that rings "karate fight" when its been about 15 minutes of actual plot development. And of course, there are whoosh sounds when ever anyone reaches for a cup of coffee.
Knocking off Beverly Hills Cop while showcasing Gary Daniels as a cheaper JCVD but forgetting that he can't act past his gob being open, White Tiger can't figure out what it is or what it should be so it just manages to be mid-90s karate mush.
Why doesn't the movie work or why did I absolutely wish I'd watched something else? Well I'll tell you who's fault it is. It isn't Cary Tagawa. He's fantastic, of course. And he's allowed to go to 11 so it's not director Richard Martin's fault either. It's not even Gary Daniels fault despite his lack of acting, as the big draw is the fight sequences which he co-choreographed with prolific stunt-man Lauro Chartrand. So whose fault is it that White Tiger is a total boring slog of a film?
Two "brothers" get chased around so that Robert Patrick's hair can capture the second half of the Double Dragon while teaming up with The Hyper-Color Gang. Patrick should have just drank more vodka.
What works best in this movie is everything that didn't work for me in 1994. Everything sucks. The look of the film is vomit. The acting is gut-wrenching. The plot is corny. The action is hammy. The one-liners are a series of eye-ball rolls. Yet somehow, in post-2007, this thing is such an absolute mess of terrible ideas that don't really happen anymore. Most modern movies revolve around just one or two terrible decisions ie. The Great Wall's plot, making the tornado a monster in Hurricane Heist, the dialogue in London has Fallen. This movie is instead a showcase of nothing but terrible ideas and failed concepts that all become awesome now.
Chuck Norris launches his career by kicking lots of people in the chest and calling in his truckin' buddies to run a town over - yes the entire town. It's about as weird movie as you can get and hilarious throughout. Come on back, big rigger!
Now you can probably guess how much trucking vs. karate there is in the film and how silly the the combo of the two working together looks on screen. So let's go past that and talk solely about the villainy. The plot revolves around this town that has gone off the deep-end and has essentially declared independence from the state of California. Fine. What their deepest flaw is that they have no idea how to be bad guys. Their evil plot is to hijack truckers, steal their tv dinners, eat the tv dinners, crush the $80,000 truck in a crusher, sell the metal for $200, make moonshine, dump the moonshine on the ground, drink Wild Turkey instead and operate their legal system in the same manner as The Spanish Inquisition. There's no way that a band of truckers are going to run your town over - nope, this plan is perfect!....they said as the FBI is swarming them and filling each citizen full of hot lead.
With Jackie trapped inside a living hell called Winnemucca, Justin and Sam sit down to discuss everything martial arts. Inside we discuss our Top 5 Martial Art Movie Guys and then a look into The Sho Kosugi Ninja Theater with reviews of "The Dumb Boxer", "Ninja 8: Warrior on Fire" and "Ninja vs. Ninja".
Plus we'll wrap up the tale of Gary Devore! Was he a spy? What did he know? We go into the possible cover-up into the death of one of the best crummy movie writers in film history.
Steer clear of the police in Las Vegas in 1988 is the absolute message of this super-budget gem of a tough cop movie. Penalties for being alive are getting kicked in the face while walking down a hallway and being beat to death while sitting in a chair.
Hawkeye (1988) is a film that does not showcase the talents of a guy with a bow and arrow. It instead showcases the talents of a guy who is not Eddie Murphy and a guy who likes his Guess Jeans butt a bit too much. The matchup of Chuck Jeffreys and George Chung is bad-movie comedy gold. They are ridiculous, horribly corrupt, and clueless in all aspects of life.
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