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Navy Seals

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Chaz is back and with the help of Michael Biehn and Billy Paxton, sends seven guys in to blow up some moderately dangerous weapons, comes back with only four guys and commits ineptitude and crimes against humanity along the way. Recruitment has never been so good, right?

Wow, is Navy Seals a terrible representation of America's top elite fighting force. I mean, if this is how things really are, help us all because bad things are going to happen around the world. Nothing here makes the viewer say to themselves, "Hey, those guys are doing a good job. I should join up." Now, all our libtard "war is bad" attitude aside, these guys are completely inept. They take the hardest route to do the most mundane of tasks and end up getting most of them killed with each step.

Then there's Charlie Sheen's character. Sure, he's a loose cannon which we're all familiar with but where Martin Riggs is nuts, Lt. Dale Hawkins is nuts AND a complete joke and insult to our men in uniform. There's gotta be someone up the chain that says "Yeah sure he's got great hair, but he literally keeps shooting his teammates in the back, so....pass." I mean we have things called court martialing and discharges for a reason.

Next to that all, this movie likely has one of the worst soundtracks ever made. Even if you're into butt-rock, you'll likely be missing earplugs when such great songs like Bon Jovi's cover of The Boys are Back in Town and two (2!) songs by Mr. Big. Yikes.

While it's a pretty solid time with lots of ludacricity there's just too much dicking off for my tastes and Chaz thinking that he's still in Platoon. Good if you've never seen it but on revisit its just too draggy.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:4-star
Cheesy effects:2-star
Horrendous acting:3-star
Ridiculous stunts:3-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star
Nonsensical Plot:4-star


Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:6-star

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Thursday, 22 February 2024

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