Brought to you by Universally Older - the one stop pharmaceutical line of products for the aging badass. JCVD approved!
This week Jackie pulls the metaphorical trigger on Roland Emmerich and Jean Claude Van Damme's first appearance on Stinker Madness. Plus Dolph Lundgren shows up for the fourth time in Universal Soldier. Can this be a good movie? Probably not....
American Kickboxer 2 is a one of a kind achievement in horrendously bad acting, awful dialogue, poorly performed stunts, and incredibly stupid plot. It really is a perfect storm in bad action movies. With this combined tour de crap, it becomes a laugh a second tornado of awesomeness. This is too rad to ignore.
Essentially, a rich family's child is kidnapped and the mother has to recruit two tough guys from her past to rescue her. Sounds simple right? Well lets try this again. The owner of a successful plumbing company has a slightly mentally handicapped child who gets kidnapped by action guys. She contacts her tough guy ex-husband and her tough guy ex-lover and explains to both of them that they have an 8 year old child and that she's been kidnapped. The two tough guys then proceed to fight each other more than bad guys until a hooker tells them that a warehouse that stores guys who don't actually work there and just have upstairs "Fight Club" also contains the kidnapped child. At that point they end up having to fight each other to the death, when a pothead frees here by using cockroaches. Movie ends with an implied three-way. Wow.
Presented by We're No Cupcakes, Cupcakes. Two tough guys are forced to take over a bakery and not kill each other or the customers.
Sam brings in a dozy this week, when two tough guys have to team up and do assorted martial arts to free a young girl from a kidnapping ring. American Kickboxer 2 stars Dale Cook, Evan Lurie, Kathy Showers and Tackleberry. Our main question for this film will be: Is there any actual kickboxing in it?
Charlie Sheen, Sherilyn Fenn, Randy Quaid and Nick Cassavetes do battle with making sense as The Wraith and vengeance storm Arizona.
This movie is sweet. It's a real brainbuster as to why this isn't a more widely known film. If you were born as a male from 1975-1985 and you had seen this film at about the age of 11, it would have easily been your favorite film. Its got everything you could want: sweet cars, racing, cool guys, explosions, boobs, and a sprinkling of some magic baloney. We can only figure that because there's 4 sets of boobs in it that most parents wouldn't let their children see it. Well guess what, now we're all adults and this movie should be a big deal. If you haven't seen this, stop what you're doing and go watch it. It's for you.
Presented by Barret Jaxson and the Dodge M4S. Charlie Sheen makes a special appearance to tell us all about it.
Its finally time to review the most awesome concept car movie of all time, 1986's The Wraith. This film stars Charlie Sheen, Sherilyn Fenn, Randy Quaid, Clint Howard, Nick Cassavettes and the Dodge M4S. Sweeeeeeet! Vengeance always demands a K-Car. Thanks Lee Iaccoca!
Russ and Roger go beyond in this under-whelming tale of how LA is tough on people, I guess. It's really a tale of people having banter that doesn't work for the viewer and then boning. Nothing happens in the film until 90% of the way through. We say less banter, more boobies.
We'll just go ahead and say that this was a massive disappointment. We were hoping for some really far out zany business with a nice backdrop of solid chests. Unfortunately, its mostly just music video, party, banter, music video, party, banter, tame boning, music video, banter, party, wedding, credits. This formula equals a sum of boring for 3/4 of the film. The pacing and writing seem to try to shock the viewer but I can't even imagining in 1970 that this film was shocking. Its as if you are told that people can be gay and then the person telling you this looks at you as says "Aren't you shocked? You must be shocked? That's SOOOO shocking" while you look at this person and wonder if they've ever been outside. How naive did Russ and Roger think people were in 1970? People have sex and do drugs?!?! Whoa...
Coming soon from Stinker Studios - Vampires and Vixens, the Russ Meyer movie they didn't want you to see!
We prepare this week for the rated X Russ Meyer classic, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Jackie recently saw "Life Itself", the documentary about Roger Ebert and now she thinks Beyond the Valley of the Dolls may be the greatest thing to ever exist. Sam and Justin have already seen it and are on shaky ground. Who will be rewarded? Hopefully YOU, dear listener!
We complete Carl's Inaction in Action trilogy with one of the most ridiculous movies ever made. The leaders of the world have confirmed the existence of Megaforce. They are then hired by a crusty old man to blow up his helicopter.
We all feel that Megaforce is absolutely necessary if you love bad movies. Sam has it in his Hall of Fame. It's required viewing. If you haven't seen this please take 99 minutes and watch this on YouTube. Its a great time and the laughs never stop coming.
One of the greatest debates of all time is what does Megaforce actually do? What do they accomplish? What is this movie about? What happens? There are as many theories to the answers of these questions as there are about the meaning of life.
I think you may not need us to tell you whether you should view this film or not, because you've already seen it. Everyone on Earth has already seen it. This movie is a bigger deal than The Beatles, Moses, and Channing Tatum's undies rolled into one. So instead here's just some general thoughts.
The Fast and The Furious franchise is maybe the best thing that Universal has ever given the world. Its single movie viewing experience that has a little bit for everyone. People from all walks of life love this shit. You could find yourself sitting next to the Mayor or a homeless man in the theater and at one point you'll give either of them high-fives. We should drop these movies out of airplanes instead of bombs and there would be peace.
Brought to you by MegaB.U.T.T. - the elite force that takes over saving the world when Megaforce is just too busy doing nothing.
It's time to complete Karl's Inaction in Action trilogy with the tour de force that is Megaforce. Barry Bostwick and team must do........something? Sadly, there is no Streaming Do's and Don'ts but instead we've got some great tools to use to watch and record online movies free and legally.
Here you go. The very best of the worst in the last year of watching bad movies. Between the 3 of us we watched over 400 bad movies in since we started this podcast (top that, HDTGM!) and these are the very finest of them. You MUST listen to the episode if you are looking for some of the greatest bad movies that you could possible watch. Stop what you're doing and listen to this show and then watch the films. Who needs to work?
If you missed Part 1 - Check that out here
4. Spiceworld
3. Flash Gordon
In one of Roger Corman's first films, one guy gets framed for manslaughter (as best as we can guess) and must steal a Jag and a lady to escape to Mexico. He somehow ends up getting sidetracked by entering into an auto race and by falling in love with said stolen lady. Zowie!
Well, this movie stinks. It's not worth your time at all. Its painfully boring all while trying to be super sophisticated and smart. It's neither of those things. The plot is not very flushed out and the series of events that happen to put the main guy (Frank Webster) on the path to the end are dubious at best. There's far too many things that just don't make any sense and kind of need to, even going by bad movie fan standards.
The characters are annoying and attempt to banter their way through their predicament, which somehow just ends up contradicting the previous thing they just said each time they open their mouths. The conflict is quite bland as they plainly could just drive to Mexico because no cops are going to ever arrest them. Here's a pretty typical example of intrigue:
Brought to you by Fast and Furious 74, in the future the Fast crew cast is completely replaced by robots, except Kurt Russell.
This week we travel back in time to 1955 to watch the Roger Corman classic, The Fast and the Furious. What's the tie-in to the current franchise? It appears to be a film about a car guy so maybe they are related?
What is a:
If you listen to just 1 episode of Stinker Madness this year, it needs to be this one (oh and part 2).
Its been an entire year of Stinker Madness and we put this extra special episode together in honor of the occasion. It's the Top Ten Bad Movies we saw in the last year. Each of us put down our favorites and we each recap what we loved about them. These are the films that cannot be missed. We highly recommend any movie fan to sit down with any of these films. We dare you to not like them. Dare! Dare!
In part 1, we each go through numbers 10 through 5.
10. The Wicker Man
We dare to tackle 1980's danceical/musical/drama/romance/comedy/disaster that is Xanadu. We all know the story. Its that old tale of an artist that has no talent or motivation or confidence meets a magical roller skating deity that gives him the ability to meet a guy who has all the money and to woo him into investing several millions of dollars into building a roller-skating club/disco. You know that old tale.
Lets get straight to the mustard. This movie stinks. Its one of the worst ideas ever created. Let's take a the above idea, write a script that is 3 pages long, take a current hot "talent" who is mediocre at singing, dancing, and acting, intentionally put in bad special effects and throw in Gene Kelly just so you can feel bad for him. Xanadu is not so much a train wreck and more of a genocide of puppies. You really want to take your eyes off it.
Olivia Newton John is the centerpiece of this film in an eerily similar way as Babs was in A Star is Born. She is continually on camera as if the entire movie is just one big music video to prove to you all how wonderful she is. Isn't she wonderful? Isn't she???? No. She's at no point good or bad. She's just mediocre at everything. She's just an ok singer, she's just an ok dancer and she's just an ok actor but she's so crammed into your face during this thing that you wonder who saw what in this concept.
Brought to you by Foot Wheels, the latest and greatest! It so simple it just might work.
In 1980, Mt. St. Helens erupted, John Lennon was killed, Zep broke up, the hostages were still in Iran, the worst disaster in British aviation happened and then there was the crap on wheels that is Xanadu.
Jackie picks one of the all time well known worst musicals of all time, 1980's Xanadu. Its part of the pantheon of terrible roller skating movies with Skatetown USA, Roller Boogie and Solar Babies. Does it stack up to the other three?
Part 2 of Carl's Inaction in Action series, we look at Chuck Norris and Lee Marvin in the Cannon Group's The Delta Force. It's part best hijacking movie ever and then part iconic Chuck Norris ridiculous action. Sometimes you in suspense and then other times your slapping your head in how preposterous it is.
There's two movies here. One is a slow-paced, well directed, solidly acted hostage crisis movie. The other is 100 guys invading a country and blowing everyone up. The first 100 minutes have 0 shots fired. It isn't even until 114 minutes that The Delta Force starts firing bullets back. But once they start shooting they don't stop until there's about 3 minutes left in the film.
So again I have to review this based on the two different movies. The first movie is very frightening. You really feel fear for the characters and there's some very heavy and serious thematic elements brought up. This all may be even more relevant today than it was in 1986 (when the film was released). There's anti-Semitic conflicts and Holocaust connections. There's general terror as we all know how awful a plane hijacking is.
Brought to you by The Delta Force 4: Phoentigeddon
It's time to pack up the dune buggies and the motorcycles with rocket launchers and prepare for part 2 of "Karl's Inaction in Action" trilogy started by Hell Squad and finishing with Megaforce.
This time it's Chuck Norris & Lee Marvin (his last film) vs The Middle East as Cannon Films makes their 4th appearance on Stinker Madness. Golan himself directed this nugget. Which Chuck Norris will we get? Bearded, Mulleted, or Clean Cut?
Episode audio warning: there is a weird bumping the mic sound for the first 20 minutes of this episode. We completely apologize but we can't fix it. Its annoying and I hate it and want it to die but we can't fix it.
We are just going to say right out the gate that Catwoman sucks. It's awful. Pure garbage and terrible film-making. It very well may be the worst made movie that we have viewed on this podcast. This belongs in the bottom 20 on IMDB. Blech.
The movie attempts to be a special effects masterpiece. There is an amazing amount of unnecessary CGI that all looks completely awful. We know that this was 2004 and CGI wasn't quite as good as we have now. Simple solution = don't add it. So much of it could be eliminated and wouldn't change the movie in the slightest. Ugh.
Brought to you by Dogman! Left in a pet store by his family, one man fights crime with all the powers of a domesticated dog.
This week, we follow up Gigli with one of the two films that Halle Berry chose to make instead, and then went on to win a Razzie for her performance. The film also won Worst Picture, Worst Director and Worst Screenplay in the 2005 Golden Raspberries. We have high hopes for this one as it could be another bad movie sleeper that got lumped in with comic book movies like "Punisher: War Zone."
Whoops we didn't watch a single movie that we can put on our list for this week. Sorry.
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