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Prelude to Malibu Express

Prelude to Malibu Express

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Brought to you by "Put Boobs Anywhere", the new wonder product that will cure all your booblessness problems.

This episode we prepare for what we feel may be the greatest b-movie ever made. It's a masterpiece of huge boobs, silly jokes, excessive nudity, bad gun play, random car race challenges, insane henchmen, more huge boobs, Playboy playmates and more one-liners than an 80's Arnold movie.

We also deliver more Netflix reviews on what to watch and don't watch, plus bad movie trivia and plenty of the usual silly business that we are known for. Tally-ho!

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Damnation Alley

Damnation Alley
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Jan Michael Vincent and George Peppard go for a long ride across the American wasteland in a mega-truck. Along the way they find hill-billies, clever kids, mutated bugs and giant man-eating scorpions. Sounds exciting right? It's not.

The film itself is pretty much just riding around in the mega-truck for long periods of time. The action is few and far between and when it happens it truly looks terrible. The sky on fire is one of the worst effects ever "captured" on film and is where most of the money went. It's truly a shame as if they'd just spent the budget and time elsewhere this may have been a good time. Instead, the movie consists of:

  1. blow up world
  2. blow up only safe place
  3. drive to Albany
  4. get a bump on the head and die, get eaten by cockroaches, get raped by mutant rednecks, pick up a junior sized Peyton Manning, float motorhome from Detroit to Albany
  5. Profit?

We wish that we could give this a stamp of approval but unfortunately it's a waste of time.

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Prelude to Damnation Alley

Prelude to Damnation Alley






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Brought to you by Nuke Juice, the only energy drink for a nuclear wasteland traveler.

We pack up and ride in our Landmaster as we prepare for a post-apocalyptic world in Damnation Alley. Sam shares his usual keen info on the movie, Jackie throws some more bad movie trivia your way and we all review our Netflix and Amazon streaming movies for the week.

We first announce our 12 Days of Bad Christmas Movies Podcrawl/VideoCrawl.  Imagine 4 shows, 3 movies each during each week leading up to Christmas. Let us know if you'd like to be involved by emailing This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. OR follow on Twitter by following @StinkerMadness or #12daysofbadxmasmovies.

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A Star is Born

A Star is Born
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Is this the hardest to watch film of all time? The answer is yes. This movie sucks, isn't about anything, and it's 2 and a half hours of the worst person to ever live. We cut this things to ribbons and you'll like what we have to say.

Essentially, the entire movie is about Barbara Streisand's ego. From the very first time you see her, she is hamming it up the entire time and placating to the camera. She's like a teenage girl with a webcam and a hair brush pretending to be a microphone. Its horrendously hard to watch. 

Kris Kristopherson portrays the worst "rock star" in music history. He can't complete a song on stage without walking off, pissing off the audience or really even having more than one song. No one would go to this guy's concert, no matter how awesome his songs might be in theory. He can't complete a song. 

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Prelude to A Star is Born

Prelude to A Star is Born









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Presented by The Galloping Uglies - need to be a 70's rock star, then you need to be ugly as Barbara Streisand and Kris Kristopherson.

We prepare for what can only be described as the worst experience ever when we view A Star is Born with Kris Kristopherson and Barbara Streisand. Jackie has decided to punish us for all the mean things we do to her by making us view this "classic".  Ugh...

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

Movie NameSummaryIMDBNetflixAmazonJustinJackieSamTotal

Friday the 13th 7: The New Blood

Years after Tommy Jarvis chained him underwater at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason Voorhees returns to the camp grounds when he is accidentally released from his prison by a teenager with psychic powers.

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The Man from Hong Kong

The Man from Hong Kong
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Bad movie authority Roman finally joins us in the studio as we view and yammer about the Ausploitation awesomeness that is The Man From Hong Kong. Are there any stuntmen or actors alive in Australia after this seriously dangerous movie?!?!

This movie features some of the craziest stunts we've ever seen and it's a wonder anyone made it out of it. There is a car chase scene that is completely epic, hang glider accidents, Spider-Man building climbing, ninja fights, burning men and so much more. Plus, Jigsaw rocks!

Seriously worth watching since it's free on YouTube!

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Prelude to The Man From Hong Kong

Prelude to The Man From Hong Kong






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Presented by Fifty Shades of Brown, the story of two lovers tied together by raunchy flatulents.

We gear up for an ass-kicker of a movie in The Man From Hong Kong or Dragon Flies. We also review more Netflix and Amazon Instant Movies, more ongoing movie trivia and perhaps the best opening commercial we've ever done - Fifty Shades of Brown trailer.

Netflix Do's and Don'ts

Movie NameSummaryIMDBNetflixAmazonJustinJackieSamTotal

The Serpent and the Rainbow

An anthropologist goes to Haiti after hearing rumors about a drug used by black magic practitioners to turn people into zombies.

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Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
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We take a look at the Kevin Costner and Kevin Reynolds epic turd that is Robin Hood. With special guests Hobbits, stunt butts, fisheye lenses, and a plot that makes absolutely no sense....oh and Shaun and Chelsea. Tallyho!

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:
Cheesy effects:
Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
Memorable one-liners:

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality:
Bad Movie Quality:

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Prelude to Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Prelude to Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
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This 0.5 episode is sponsored by Bryan Adam's Lost LOST Recordings as we get ready for Kevin Costner's to charm our way through the turd that is Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. This movie was a mega-blockbuster and we wouldn't be surprised of the amount of people that have no clue that this movie sucks so bad. It's cheesy, poorly acted, completely unbelievable, doesn't make any sense, and no one knows it. There's a cast of thousands with Christian Slater (ugh), Morgan Freeman, Alan Rickman and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio; all of them mail it in except for Costner and Slater who act as best as they can. Justin and Sam have history with this movie. Justin loved it when he was 14 years old. When it came out on DVD, Justin bought it immediately. Him and Sam then watched and immediately afterwards drove to Hastings to sell it back. They would only give him $.50 for it, so Justin threw it out the window of his car. Sorry environment. Blame Costner.

We start by wishing Sam a happy birthday (he now smells of Ben Gay.....cause he's old). We also want to share our YouTube channel specifically Our Recommended Movies playlist. These movies are completely free and are some of the best stinkers we've found on there. We'll try to keep this updated as time goes on. If you have any suggestions for movies to add to it that you find, please either email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or visit our forums and let us know.

Stinker News

The Power Rangers are going to be back in theaters in 2016 - we all put this on our "not to do" list

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Flash Gordon

Flash Gordon
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Let the war for Planet Mongo begin! Its the QB of the New York Jets vs. Max Van Sydow's evil eyebrows, endless robots (are they robots?) and people that bleed oil. This is one bad movie...that rules.

Sam J. Jones from Playgirl and The Dating Game fame takes on the complex and emotionally challenging role of Flash Gordon, a guy who gains super fighting skills when holding things somewhat shaped like footballs. When the evil guy from Planet Mongo makes the weather of the world gets pretty messed up and natural disasters happen such as "Volcano, Volcano Eruption and Hot Hail", Flash Gordon must fall asleep on space rocket, fall in love by holding hands, and then wander around a few planet/moons/asteroids until he can unite the tribes of Mongo in order to stop Emperor Ming.

This film is really really really bad. It's fun, I'll disclaim, but it truly is a giant train wreck. It's made on the scale of a Cecil B. DeMille movie but looks about as good as a Roger Corman film. It's ridiculous. The set pieces are giant, the costumes are lavish and the visual effects are outlandish. But each piece is super super super dumb.

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Prelude to Flash Gordon

Prelude to Flash Gordon












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Presented by The 1980 Hawkman Rocket Cycle. Never fly blind through victory again!

Jackie gets us ready for one of the most popular bad movies of all time as Sam J Jones hits us in the face with his metaphorical football. Get pumped for Freddie Mercury (God rest his soul) and the rest of Queen, Max Von Sydow, Timothy Dalton, and sweeeeeettt costumes! Flash! AAAAWWWWW.

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

Movie NameSummaryIMDBNetflixAmazonJustinJackieSamTotal

After Midnight

Horror anthology about a college professor (Zada) teaching a course called "The Psychology of Fear". He brings his students (including psychic McWhirter) to his home, one dark and stormy night to tell scary stories. The first involves a young couple whose car breaks down by an old, abandoned house. The second has four trendy teenage girls getting lost in a bad part of town, and chased by a pack of vicious dogs. Last, we have Helgenberger confronting a stalker at the answering service where she works the night shift.

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Never Too Young to Die

Never Too Young to Die
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What happens if you turn a gymnast into an action hero, a trashy whore into super spy, James Bond into a Ben-Gay ad, and Gene Simmons into a lady-boy? Why you get this DTV gem of a movie, duh! Uncle Jesse saves the world from dirty water and Gene Simmons gives us a "too believable" performance. YEEEEAHH!

So John Stamos plays Lance Stargrove, a gymnastic champ who's father is a top secret agent (played by George Lazenby). When Lance's father dies preventing a group of hooligans from doing something unknown, Stargrove must take over the family business and stop Velvet Von Ragner (Gene Simmons), a transgender sociopath with dreams of world domination (we guess). Stargrove is helped out by Danja (Vanity) and his tech buddy Cliff (Peter Kwong).

Some bad movies have a great beginning and a great ending but the middle is dry and dull. This is often due to lack of a budget or lack of imagination in the writing. Never Too Young to Die is not one of those films. This thing comes in hot and never cools down with scene after scene of shenanigans that you look for in a classic stinker. From the unforgettable theme song (entitled Stargrove, naturally) to the climatic and preposterous battle on top of a dam between Stargrove and Von Ragner, this one is solid gold.

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Prelude to Never Too Young to Die

Prelude to Never Too Young to Die












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Presented by Vanity Off. For when you really just need Vanity to go back to Prince.

This episode John Stamos' hair gets the spot light (and the mousse) as we get ready for a gem of a turd in Never Too Young to Die with Stamos, Vanity (again), and George Lazenby and Gene Simmons (calling Dr. Love?). Sam brings us this direct-to-video movie that Jackie nor Justin has ever heard of.

We start out talking about Vanity and what she's done other than Action Jackson and Never Too Young to Die.  Apparently, she's in 52 Pickup which Sam calls "the most underrated movie, ever" However, Vanity doesn't really participate much in 52 Pickup so that doesn't really count. 2/3 Stinker Madness hosts think she's gross but Sam is all about Vanity's charm and looks.

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Action Jackson

Action Jackson
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It's time for Jericho Jackson to try to live up to his nickname, yet for some reason he avoids the action for 3/4 of the movie. But when the action hits, boy does it hit. Vanity is the worst lounge singer of all time, Craig T. Nelson knows karate (at least his stunt guy does), and Sharon Stone just can't stay alive or happily married in any movie she's in. Get ready for some nonsense.

Action Jackson is named very inaccurately. When it comes to action, Jericho dials it up to about a 3. He spends most of his time not performing any action. He almost seems more like a stock broker than an action guy. Yes we know he jumps over a car, but the rest of the time he just kind of wanders around and asks people what the hell is going on around him. He's essentially the worst detective ever. Everyone knows the plot of the film except him (and us). The entire plan of the villian (Craig T. Nelson) is revealed to him by a beautician who has absolutely no contact with anyone or any events in the movie. Uhm...what?

Craig T. plays a guy named Delaplane who's motivation is to keep his hair from staying the same color, revolutionize the auto industry by building a Fiero, and bang drug addicts. He's married to Sharon Stone who gets murdered (was she the 90's version of Sean Bean?) because she asks a question. He can also do karate. You heard it. Coach can do karate. It may be one of the worst castings for a karate guy of all time. I'm not buying it.

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Prelude to Action Jackson

Prelude to Action Jackson















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This episode is brought to you by the Invisible Slip. Because you really want everyone to see your ass through your dress.

Justin gets to choose this week and he's dialed up a classic in Carl Weather's Action Jackson. How long can Vanity keep her shirt on? Get super pumped (but don't hurt yourself).

We start out by discussing "The Brimley Awards" from the If We Made It podcast. You may remember Jeff and Tucker guesting on our "The Beastmaster" episode. Those guys are great and really funny. Check out the whole Brimley Awards episode from Jeff and Tucker.  I think you might hear Sam laughing once.

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The Beastmaster

The Beastmaster
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Let the ferrets fly and the tigers die as Jeff and Tucker from If We Made It podcast show up to help us try to make sense of The Beastmaster. Does PETA show up to put a stop to the madness? Does Tanya Roberts save the movie by letting the ladies out? Does anyone get 'sploded? (Spoiler alerts - no, yes, yes - respectively)

This movie is completely nuts. Its a complete knockoff of Conan, but so wild in every way, it stands on its own. Beastmaster has some pretty vague powers, villians have pretty vague motivations and relationships, minions wear helmets that don't allow them to see anything, bat-people may or may not make soup, and people disappear randomly for much of the movie. It's great.

How this film didn't get shut down with animal cruelty is a pretty big mystery. Most people know that the tiger that was painted black to become a panther died, but the incredible feat is how many ferrets must have been murdered. They fly across the screen all the time; they had to have hired a guy just to toss ferrets. Another falls to his death, another drowns, god knows how many were eaten by the eagle. 

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Prelude to Beastmaster

Prelude to Beastmaster












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Watch the WHOLE DAMN MOVIE!

Sponsored by Critter Commander! Build an army of animals to do your bidding to do things like your laundry and wash your car.

This 0.5 episode contains the usual nonsense we have but we really amp it up in honor of Marc Singer's manliness. Jackie really loves this movie and it turns out that her entire youth was geared around it.

We start out talking about how The Beastmaster was just a modest theatrical success but really came alive on VHS and achieved cult status. Justin recounts that he double-featured this with Deathstalker and Sam only remembers that a guy gets his nuts bit off by a ferret. Jackie tells us that this movie is like Tom Jones; adult/elderly women eat it up. It's like the 50 Shades of Grey of cheesy movies. At least until 50 Shades of Grey comes out in the theaters.

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Noah

Noah
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We apologize for the poor audio on this episode. We had a new computer setup and frankly we don't know what the hell we're doing. But you all seem to like what we do so keep on'a listenin'.

Watch the Trailer

The first half is "The Bible as told by Tolkien". The second half is Cape Fear (no really). And the entire thing is sprinkled with crap. It's Noah and it's arguably the worst movie ever to see a theater release. 

We honestly can't see what anyone sees as good in this film. I guess it's full of action, but there is very little good storytelling here. Its purely built around the action and effects, which really doesn't help because the action is incredibly dumb and the effects look absolutely terrible. Tons and tons of CGI that looks pretty rubbery. Then there's battle-action Noah. Where did Noah learned to fight like Legolas?

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Half Past Dead

Half Past Dead
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Sam brings in Steven Seagal for his first time on Stinker Madness with his last time in the theaters and the reason for that becomes quite apparent. Oh and would someone please just off Ja-Rule within the first 4 minutes of this movie...please???? It's got Alcatraz, it's got gun fights, it's got slap fighting and it's also got all the characters from The Matrix! What could possibly be wrong with this film?

You know those movies that just get so boring after the first 5 minutes of action? This is one of those. It's really boring. Its quite hard to get attached to anything that is going on. Its another instance of characters and actors that you just want removed from your TV. It's also just a capsule of everything wrong with 2002. Its a long music video for any rap-rock band. Ick.

Ja Rule.....ugh. This guy sucks. Sucks so bad. He plays the obligatory tough street hood in just about any Seagal movie, yet he's the least tough guy ever caught on film. He constantly makes this squinty poopy face like a dog does when its curious or as if he's just taking bathroom selfies throughout the whole thing. He's worse than DMX. He's on par with Coolio.

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Prelude to Half Past Dead

Prelude to Half Past Dead

It's point-five time and Pappa Sando brews us up a sweet batch o' prison hooch (and we drink it) as we get sentenced to the first Steven Seagal appearance. As is tradition, we got more Netflix do's and don't coming at you, the stakes in Stinker Thinkers gets HOT, we do our best acting attempts and maybe get a little drunk. Who's ready for some slap-fightin'?  Yeeeehhhhhaaaaw!!!!

Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


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