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Prelude to Vampire's Kiss

Prelude to Vampire's Kiss
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We open this week with a look at what could have been if "Superman Lives", starring Nic Cage, had ever been made. Special credits to Kevin Smith's (yes that Kevin Smith) original script. Serious credit to Kevin Mcleod at incomptech.com for the music. We hope you enjoy.

Jackie brings in the supposed "Cagiest of Cages" this week with Vampire's Kiss. Is Nic Cage doing the worst job ever or was his performance something a naive 1989 critical audience just wasn't ready for?

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

  • Slaughterhouse - Shudder (sorry we said Starz on the podcast)
  • Poltergeist II - Starz
  • Horror High - YouTube (sorry we said Starz on the podcast)

The Great Superpower Debate

Clairvoyance of when someone is going to poop next - oofff.... 1 out of 10 - Our worst superpower ever...

About Vampire's Kiss - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

The poster makes me think this little failure was trying to capitalize on the popularity of the 1985 Jim Carey film, Once Bitten. Oddly, Once Bitten has a rotten tomatoes score of 18% while Vampire’s Kiss has a soaring 59%. Once Bitten made 10 million against a 3.2 million dollar budget while the latter made 750k against 2 million. I liked Once Bitten and have no idea how it is so low on the tomato meter. I also haven’t seen it since I was 11. 11 year old Sam thought it was funny and sexy. 11 year old Sam also thought the Sears catalog was funny and sexy. 

A career maker, this was not. Director Robert Bierman would go on to a direct various television shows, none that I have heard of. Writer Joseph Minion, who previously wrote the Scorsese classic, After Hours would experience very sparse work.

Nick Cage is reportedly at his Cagiest in this film. I just watched the first 20 minutes of National Treasure the other day so we’ll see. To fill out the character, who is a literary agent, Cage would use an imaginary intelligent sounding accent that fades in and out depending on the situation. He would go to an even greater length for the film. He would eat a live cockroach, possibly three times. In regard to this feat Cage would comment:  “Every muscle in my body didn’t want me to do it, but I did it anyway.”

Maria Conchita Alonzo looked as if she was on to great things after The Running Man. I can’t say this is the thing that derailed it but she does eventually end up in a Patrick Muldoon movie, one during the “Whoa! Hair Phase”.  This is six years after Flashdance so Jennifer Beals is already on her way out.  Elizabeth Ashley makes an appearance in this film, and she, my friends is notable for being on the Time Machine Hit List. There are probably those of you out there thinking; “Maria Conchita Alonzo hid stuff in her orifices during The Running Man, that’s hot right?” or “Jennifer Beals was in Flashdance, what could be hotter?”. Well, those of you out there may not have as discriminating tastes as one, me.  I have no interests in permed up schwazy vagina hiders, nor do I care for mostly doubled dancing iron workers. Show me a picture of a young Elizabeth Ashley and my boner is conducting an orchestra.

KAEOF:  Members of Hollywood royalty, Amy Stiller and Nick’s older brother Marc Coppola. 

Vampire's Kiss
Street Trash

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Monday, 27 September 2021

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