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This week on the greatest podcast about bad movies, Sam decides to punish us for 2 1/2 hours with both Michael Bay and Bruce Willis' first appearance on the show. It's the "classic" teenage-girl loving mega-hit, Armageddon, in which a rock gets sploded by oil drillers. Prepare for some bad science! 

Streaming Dos and Don'ts

• The Colony - Netflix
• Mazes and Monsters - Amazon Prime
• Space Mutiny - Netflix (MST3K) 

The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

• The Iron Foot - 7.25/10 stars

About Armageddon - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Knock knock?
Who’s there?
Armageddon.
Armageddon Who?
Armageddon on your nerves yet? If not give me another 2 and a half hours.

An endless troupe of soon-to-be-dead invade a protected jungle to achieve their cavalcade of ulterior motives set to the backdrop of civil war. There's also a talking trash-can, lasers, primacide, Reagan's Star Wars program, bad science, missiles, bad management and Ernie Hudson. It's time for some good ol' bonkers business.

Congo from opening shot to final frame is a mass of nonsense. At no point in time does anything feasible or scientifically sound happen throughout. It's like they took the original script, sent it to Bizarro World, then brought it back and used that version. None of it makes any damn sense.

Last year we made a hard decision that the classic Michael Crichton adaptation Congo was a must do for an episode and now we have reached the point where its time for such shenanigans. It's lasers, gorillas and greed and everything you want.

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

• Gantz:O - Netflix
• Supersonic Man - Rifftrax - Amazon Prime
• Super Inframan - Amazon Prime

The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

• Water Freeze Man - 8.75/10 Stars

About Congo - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

The novel Congo, written of course, by Michael Crichton in 1980, made a startling number of accurate predictions about future technology. When it came time make the movie, some 15 years later, those behind other Hollywood brain trust decisions, would include only two main technologies for the film version. These would most assuredly be the least intellectually palatable devices; the monkey talk box and, the by 1995 scientifically proven to be implausible laser gun. Another fabulous decision by the film-making team would be putting some hair on a brown trash can and making the declaration that it is a talking ape named Amy.

When it comes to making a title that is indicative of the plot, well this one nails it. Take 33% LA noir detective business, 33% chainsaw murders and 33 1/3% dancing topless hookers and you've got one of Fred Olen Ray's masterpieces. Hard to not love this blast o' laughs.

HCH (to save time) is hilarious...and quite intentionally. It's the opinion of this writer that Fred Olen Ray could have easily linked up with the Zucker Brothers and Jim Abrahams. If only he had been involved during Jane Austen's Mafia. It may have not been the turd that it was. There's plenty of slapstick and parody that keep the viewer focused on the jokes more than the huge boobs (which is quite the achievement).

Jackie brings in the first Fred Olen Ray film in that old tale of hookers on a hellbent rampage with some nasty chainsaws and lots of boobies.

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

• Deathrace 2050 - Netflix
• The Pumaman - MST3K - Netflix or YouTube OR without MST3K on YouTube

The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Couple's Edition

• Tarzan and Jane
• Barney and Betty Rubble
• Joker and Harley Quinn

About Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Fred Olen Ray has directed 16 films since the last time we talked about him, in fact he directed 3 films before I could get to the end of this sentence. Recently he commandeered Van Damme and Segal in order to highjack the Sniper franchise, Billy Zane liked it so much he’s pissing his pants right now. In total Ray has directed nearly 150 films. Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers is among his more popular films which would also include Bad Girls From Mars, Beverly Hills Vamp, Cyclone and the Wynorski collaborative effort Dinosaur Island.

Matt Damon and Oberyn Martell find themselves in the middle of the Battle for Helm's Deep with an Elven army posing as Chinese on one side and an horde of Orcs posing as aliens on the other. Yep...aliens. Our front runner for dumbest film ever made.

The plot of The Great Wall is easily the most poorly thought out plot since....well ever. Its dumber than Reign of Fire. It's dumber than Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. It's dumber than After Earth AND Lady in the Water AND The Happening combined. It can't be understated how dumb this film's plot is. The only way you can argue the logistics of this "war" between the Chinese and space dog-lizards is that both sides are complete morons.

We all lost a huge part of our show and entertainment in general in the passing of Bill Paxton. He was a one of a kind type of actor and while that may seem cliche to say in the wake of someone's death in Hollywood, we'll stand by it. Bill had a depth that few possess, taking roles as varied as the pyschotic Severen in Near Dark (and is the only reason to watch the movie) to the silly Matt Owens in (Slipstream) to the model for a douche in Simon from True Lies (and steals the comedic show from Arnold and Arnold) to the warm but frightened Fred Haise in Apollo 13. The guy could play anything. 

So with that in mind, we tackle the 1996 disasterooney of Twister. With all its cliches and tropes that run rampant in the disaster genre, can the immensely popular film stand up to 20 years of time since its release? Who is this Helen Hunt lady? How did Phillip Seymour Hoffman become a thing? Is that a flying cow? All this and more revealed in our podcast episode. Listen to it!

We get straight to weezin' the juice as a caveman gets called out for being, well...a caveman. It's that old story of boy meets girl, boy gets frozen in a glacier and then boy meets potheads and learns the wonders of the doobage.

Encino Man is a movie that shouldn't be any fun at all. But it is. End of story. It has that strange ability to be not funny but fun throughout. It's outlandish, ridiculous, and stupid but never stops being a wild ride.

After weeks of pitching a fit, Jackie is subjected to a film she appears to be not much of a fan of. It's the story of a caveman frozen in ice for millennia only to thawed out in early 90's SoCal....what possibly horrors will he (or us) face in Encino Man?!?!

The Stinker Madness Academy Award Special!

We take a look at each of the films and share our meat and two bits with you! That makes this episode a bit on the long side but we had quite a bit to say about this years field. There will be spoilers so be careful!

Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode

Subscribe: iTunes | Android | RSS

The hottest awards for bad films in 2016 are here and the winners are all set. Listen to the 2016 SMABFA Podcast and check out all the nominees and winners below.

And the Nominees  & Winners are (winner in bold):

Best Bad Movie - The Most Enjoyable Bad Movie

• London Has Fallen
• Gods of Egypt
• Nine Lives
• Independence Day: Resurgence
• Zoolander 2

Worst Bad Movie - The Least Enjoyable Bad Movie

• Mother's Day
• Warcraft
• Suicide Squad
• Xmen: Apocalypse
• Allegiant

Best Bad Actor - Most Enjoyable Performance by a Male Actor

• Gerard Butler - Gods of Egypt
• Brent Spiner - Independence Day: Resurgence
• Gerard Butler - London Has Fallen
• Christopher Walken - Nine Lives
• Kevin Spacey - Nine Lives

Best Bad Actress - Most Enjoyable Performance by a Female Actor

• Margot Robbie - Suicide Squad
• Maika Monroe - The 5th Wave
• Vivica A. Fox - Independence Day: Resurgence
• Emily Blunt - The Huntsman: Winter's War
• Charlize Theron - The Huntsman: Winter's War

MST3K Most Riffable - The easiest and most fun to make fun of film while viewing

• Gods of Egypt
• The 5th Wave
• Nine Lives
• Ben-Hur
• Independence Day: Resurgence

Worst Bad Actor - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Male Actor

• Jared Leto - Suicide Squad
• Jesse Eisenberg - Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice
• Johnny Depp - Alice Through the Looking Glass
• Daniel Radcliffe - Now You See Me 2
• Jeff Goldblum - Independence Day: Resurgence

Worst Bad Actress - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Female Actor

• Jennifer Garner - Nine Lives
• Anne Hathaway - Alice Through the Looking Glass
• Jennifer Aniston - Mother's Day
• Kate Hudson - Mother's Day
• Cara Delevingne - Suicide Squad

The SMABFA awards will be listed on this page and presented on the Stinker Madness podcast as a special episode released on February 13th, 2016 at approximately 10AM MST. Make sure to tune into the Stinker Madness Podcast and listen to the SMABFA Awards Show.

USA Gold Medal magnet, Kurt Thomas, stars as John Cabot, a USA Gold Medal magnet/super secret agent/diplomat to strange lands. So he solo invades Parmistan, an absolutely insane country, to play "The Game" to get a satellite substation. Well that makes perfect sense!

Gymkata is serious shenanigans. It could be argued that it's the most bonkers movie we've reviewed and definitely the most poorly thought out. While most might focus on the unawesome martial art that combines gymnastics and karate (which puts it in the Streaming Do's and Don'ts realm) the country of Parmistan is our focus. Parmistan is impossible. It can't work. How does diplomacy work? Do they have foreign trade? Is their military only made of ninja or are they more like the secret police? Is there a system of government besides the Khan? I personally believe that someone, probably Pakistan, would have bombed Parmistan back into the Stone Age, but Parmistan never got out of the Stone Age so I guess bomb them back to the times of the dinosaurs (they may also have dinosaurs).

This week on the podcast we gear up for one of the most notorious bad movies ever made and a hallmark of stupidity. When you need to invade a country that doesn't make any sense, send in an Olympic Gold Medalist!

The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

Immunity to negative drug side effects - 7.75 out of 10 stars

Roseanne gets "vengeance" upon a hubby-stealing romance novelist, by destroying her own life, abandoning her children, treating other's as pawns in her master plan, and exploiting the weak and trusting women in need that the films tells you she is freeing from oppression. This thing is a mondo-turd.

I hate this movie. I'll make no apologies to start. It's not funny. It's infuriatingly preposterous and at no point can one sympathize or appreciate any of the characters. They are the "basket of deplorables" that I believe Mrs. Clinton was speaking about; politics aside, she just hated these three people. Let's start with the easy spots: Ed Begley's Bob and Meryl Streep's Mary. The viewer isn't supposed to like them. They are the antagonists with Bob being an emotionally abusive and cheating husband (with a side order of being a buffoon) and Mary, an egotistical, spoiled and sociopathic bitch (for lack of a better word). Sure, they're the bad guys. You shouldn't like them. But in a comedy, you should enjoy them. In this POS, the screen-time shared between Begley and Streep comes across as a poor impression of The Three Stooges (minus 1). "Wow, aren't they zany!?" said the producer. The audience responds by pissing on said producer's pants.

Roseanne Barr and Meryll Streep join up to deliver the yucks and yuck is what they deliver in a tale about a scorned middle-American housewife revengifying the atrocities committed upon her person and also liberating womankind from oppressions. She just makes things worse....

Listener Feedback

@StinkerMadness Inappreciate you guys redoing a whole show to get it on the air. Technical difficulties suck. It happens. Still funny ?

Terrence Hill and Bud Spencer put on their best Abbott & Costello hats and deliver the hijinxs en masse. It's a banana show of endless goofs and shenanigans that never lets off the gas.

The problem with this movie is....nothing. This is just a great legitimate comedy. We didn't laugh AT this movie, we laughed with it. The jokes are timed impeccably. They are new and fresh and unique. While completely outlandish and bonkers, this film never gets into that dangerous 70's live-action cartoon territory (we're talking to you C.H.O.M.P.S.). It's brilliant and a model for classic slap-stick that put the Zucker brothers in such high standing.

For 22 pictures, Terrance Hill and Bud Spencer played the ultimate in comedic buddy-cop movies and this week on the podcast, Sam brings in one of their best in Odds and Evens.

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

• Icebreaker w/ Rifftrax - Amazon Prime
• Vehicle 19 - Netflix
• Gor II (Outlaw of Gor) - MST3K YouTube

The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor (Buddy Cops)

• Riggs & Murtaugh - Lethal Weapon
• Cates & Hammond - 48 Hrs.

About Odds and Evens - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Carlo Pedersoli was still a member of the Italian National Swim Team and Water Polo Team when he started his acting career around 1950. The younger Marco Girroti similarly was discovered around the same time. The two would individually muddle through bit parts and lower profile roles before the two were cast together in the 1967 western, God Forgives… I Don’t. Director Giueseppe Colizzi recommended the two adopt less Italian sounding names as Italian budget films were beginning to put quite a few butts in seats worldwide. Girroti would take the name Terence Hill and Pedersoli would assume the moniker Bud Spencer. Girroti’s was tasked with choosing names from lists while Pedersoli came up with Bud Spencer as homage to Spencer Tracy and Budweiser beer. The two would go on two star with one another in over 20 buddy pictures. Though some films may be more well known, say Lethal Weapon or 48 Hrs., the heart and soul of the buddy film lies with these two.

Two cops find love in each other's egos, while attempting to clear their names from a villainous plot to take over the world's salted caramel industry. Stallone and Russell team up for one of the raddest buddy cop dumb-dumb rollercoaster. It's shenanigans.

Tango & Cash is incredibly stupid. There is absolutely no sense of reality here. The villain uses mice, that he loves,  to demonstrate his evilry. He owns monster trucks that have guns mounted on them. Hidden assassin's inside of mirrors (we think) & gun-shoes. Physics don't apply. Time and distance are more of guidelines...

This week on the Stinker Madness Podcast, we tackle the classic "buddy" cop film from 1989 with Stallone and Russell in a weird incestuous love triangle, framed for murder, take down the vague bad guy, and enjoy some off-roading. It's Tango & Cash!

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

• Miracles Still Happen - YouTube
• Maniac Cop - Shudder.TV & Fandor
• Manhattan Chase - Amazon Prime
• Phenomena - Amazon Prime

The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

• Being a Vulcan - 2.5/10 stars (Not good)

About Tango & Cash - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Who is the man that gets into all of the Hollywood hang down competitions? Kurt Russell, that’s who. This week he will be comparing his star penis, I mean power, to that of one Sylvester Stallone. Apparently the two got along just fine as there was probably no illusions as to Stallone being the big boss on the picture. The caveats of Stallone pictures of the time are all there, firing the DP before shooting, starting to re-write the script after shooting starts, having more than one person rewrite the script without communicating with one another. Firing the director after the project has gone over budget by almost double. I guess Kurt saw that things were well in hand and didn’t bother making any more interference, Stallone would later praise him for being a real pro, despite Russell being the fall back option to Patrick Swayze who ditched the production for Road House. By the time the dust would settle on the set, there would be 4 directors including Stallone, 5 if you count Stuart Baird who is known for directing pictures in post-production and is Hollywood’s most rebound editing doctor, and there would be enough deleted scenes to make another movie. What remains is comedy gold. The largest feud during production was between Stallone who wanted it to be a very dark and brooding crime film and producer John Peters who wanted it to be a campy spoof of the popular buddy cop sub-genre. When you then bring in Baird to stir that pot together independently, you only get two things; Tango & Cash.

Roland pulls out all the stops in the disaster genre by blowing up the entire planet (sorta). Bad science and bad acting abound in one heck of a production, but does that translate into a good time?

Lets just start by saying this film is way too long. By the 3/4 point even the diehard dumb movie viewer is tired and bored of the "excitement". It just keeps going and going and going. That would be ok if you could possibly be emotionally invested in the characters in anyway. But you just want them all to die.

Well we exit 2016 with a bang...sorta. We went ahead and re-recorded our previous attempt at 2012, since we bungled the first versions and now in all it's glory we dive into the 2009 film from stinker Hall of Famer, Roland Emmerich in which the world explodes...sorta.

Casual Do's and Don'ts

• Hellbent (1988) - IMDB
• Demolition High - YouTube
• The Village of the Giants - MST3K on YouTube OR standard version

The Wild Card - Pop Quiz Hotshot (2012 Edition)

1. A Judy Garland dress which sold for $302,000 in 2012 was worn in which movie? The Wizard of Oz
2. What is the year 2012 in Roman numerals? MMXII
3. Who became the oldest actor to win an Oscar in 2012? Christopher Plummer
4. What member of the Monkees died in 2012? Davy Jones
5. Name the devastating mid/N American hurricane of Oct 2012? Sandy
6. What film released in 2012 went on to win Oscar gold? Argo
7. Razzie winner? Twilight 4

About 2012 (2009) - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

2012 released in 2009 as it would have been far too late otherwise. By the way, we are all currently dead. We collectively did not heed the words of Nostra-Dumb-Ass, nor did we individually learn to fly limousines; for shame. Roland Emerich tried to tell us in 2009, but we didn’t listen.  He also tried to tell us about magical gateways to the stars, and how great James Spader’s hair used to be. He also wants us to listen to what 50’Cent has to say, as the main character, Jackson Curtis, is names sort of backwards after the rapper. Upon writing this I realized I know really nothing about Curtis Jackson or know any of his songs, but with titles like: “I Get Money”, “I Get In” and “OK, You’re Right”, he probably isn’t wrong?