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Prelude to Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Prelude to Halloween III: Season of the Witch

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Brought to you by Silver Shamrock, inventors of such gags as Sticky Toilet Paper and Super Tiny Undies. Get the gags going this Halloween with Silver Shamrock.

It's that time again, kids. Time to enjoy the sweet smells of fall, the colors of the leaves as they fall to the ground, Mom's pumpkin pie and being transformed into bugs and snakes through the powers of Stonehenge. Halloween III: Season of the Witch (yes the one that doesn't have Michael Myers) stops in on Stinker Madness to kick off our three episode series on our favorite spooky films. Be sure to wear your masks!

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The Fantastic Four

The Fantastic Four
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Before the flop of 2015, before the two turds in the early 2000s, there was 1994's The Fantastic Four. It's a film that was never meant to be viewed by the eyes of man but we are super happy that we can. We are joined by special guest, bad movie blogger and friend of the show, Brad Slager (@MartiniShark) who knows and loves this movie. Check out Brad's write up on FF at http://www.lifezette.com/popzette/the-first-fantastic-dud/.

While this film was meant to end up in the trashcan and only made in order to keep the film rights to The Fantastic Four (see also 2015), there is such a level of effort that is clear when watching this movie. All the actors are giving it their all. There's a real sense that the people involved really believed in this project rather than it just being a doomed project. Its a classic example of the Internet's definition of a good-bad movie of wanting to make a good movie and ending up with a really bad one.

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Prelude to The Fantastic Four

Prelude to The Fantastic Four

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Presented by Fantastic Bore, the movie that breaks all the rules such as having an actual story.

It's out of control Fantastic business this week as we prepare for 1994's The Fantastic Four from Roger Corman. Is it possible that it's the best or worst of the Fantastic Four movies?

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Driven

Driven
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Stallone writes a screenplay that is about three things he has no working knowledge of; 1) Racing, 2) Relationships, 3) Story. It is quite possibly the worst screenplay ever written. Manos: The Hands of Fate has a lot more story than 2001's Driven. If anyone can tell us what the story is, please let us know.

Why this movie was made is vexing. What the inspiration was for Stallone to write this film is a mystery for the ages. He clearly has little to no interest in auto racing because he never shows any knowledge of how it works or even simple common sense regarding it. He appears to know that cars can go fast and that people sometimes try to see how fast they can go around a track but that's about it. Burt Reynold's character owns a race team but continually tries to sabotage his driver because he's just not good enough despite the fact that he's Number 1 in the world. Kip Pardue's character can't handle posing for photos and giving press conferences despite the fact that he's a rolling advertisement for his sponsors. The only thing that Stallone's character appears to do in the film is make people happy. Wow.

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Prelude to Driven

Prelude to Driven

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Brought to you by "Top Pits" starring Tom Cruises and Valerie Kilmer.

In 2002, Stallone gave us an 8 time Razzie nominated movie that he took the time to write. Remember! This is the guy that wrote the screenplay to Rocky for which he won an Oscar....the same guy. Yeah....right. It's sort of a movie about race car driving, it's sort of about race car drivers and then its sort of about absolutely nothing.

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Midnight Ride

Midnight Ride
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Mark Hamill kidnaps a lady so that he can have his doctor zap her brains but first he must give slip to the husband, one Michael Dudikoff. It's a thriller/action/slasher movie where Hamill shows he's nuts, Dudikoff gives us his "whoa-face", we learn who Tommy Wiseau's mother is and Robert Mitchum is on set for about 2 hours!

This movie is pretty ridiculous. It never stops moving with absurdity. From Dudikoff getting strapped to the hood of a car in an elaborate death method to the explosion of a family in a station wagon to endless fog to the bad "Xtreme Sports" music choice. It's bat shit. 

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Prelude to Midnight Ride

Prelude to Midnight Ride

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We start this episode with a letter from Justin to Mark Hamill in the hopes he will become his best friend and replace Sam and Jackie on the podcast. We have yet to hear back.

We gear up for a fan pick from our Facebook fan:

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Killer Workout

Killer Workout
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We dig into David A. Prior's bouncy lady bits slasher film from 1987, starring Marcia Karr, Fritz Matthews, and superior badass Ted Prior (who all were in the epic Deadly Prey). It's the tale of murder at the aerobics gym that also has a weight room for the tough guys. It's cheesy, with incredible 80's music, Ted and Fritz punching each other just cause, and so much bouncing and splits. 

Some of you may know this film as it's other title of Aerobicide but it's labeled as Killer Workout in IMDB so that's what we are going with here. Hope Amazon knows what the hell they are doing. Either way both titles are great.

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Prelude to Killer Workout

Prelude to Killer Workout

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Presented by Dr. Lecter's Killer Workout. Sorry Tina Turner and Chuck Norris, but Dr. Lecter needs your body more than you do.

We are back! After a three week hiatus, we've returned in full force with this weeks fine episode. We prepare for our second David A. Prior film entitled Killer Workout aka Aerobicide from 1987. We pay tribute to the late Mr. Prior who will be sorely missed. Make sure to pre-order your blu-rays of Killer Workout, Deadly Prey AND Deadliest Prey which release on Oct. 13, 2015 (Buy Here).

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Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
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When you take 70-bajillion characters with vague powers and zero characterization, toss in a very poorly cast James Remar who manages to act worse than Christopher Lambert, sprinkle with crappy, boring fight scenes with a side of the worst special effects ever, and then finish off with completely removing any bit of "Mortal Kombating" while still calling it Mortal Kombat, you've built a movie worthy of being called one of the worst movies of all time. Mortal Kombat: Annihiliation deserves to be in the IMDB Bottom 100, should have swept the Razzie awards and deserves to be mentioned alongside Birdemic and Manos: The Hands of Fate. It is a truly awful and painful film to view.

The story of the film truly isn't worth mentioning, mostly because it doesn't exist. The plot entails Shao Kahn (Bryan Thomspon) causing a "convergence" of all the realms so that he can't have power. We can't figure out what that power is or why smashing realms together causes that. So Raiden (James Remar) and team must stop Kahn and his cronies by using Katana as a key, Liu Kang defeating Kahn in a fight and Raiden becoming mortal. That's it. That's the entire plot. No other details are revealed.

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Prelude to Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

Prelude to Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

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We open the episode with Sportcenter's coverage of the Mortal Kombat association vs. the Mortal Kombat Players Association legal battle over injuries in the sport.

We get ready to experience the "watchable crap" called Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, the sequel to the massively successful Mortal Kombat (1995). Is there a chance that it could possibly be not a giant turd and as much fun as the first one? Odds are not good with it's 11 Metacritic score.

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Ed

Ed
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Ed is the masterfully crafted story of a farmer turned worlds best pitcher ever with the help of a hilarious baseball-playing chimpanzee all while discovering the magic of baseball and the magic of children. Or it could be a film about the demonstration making a movie without knowing how baseball and/or animals work with the magic of baseball and the magic of children. You decide!

Ed stinks. We know that it is a children's movie. Fine. As far as children movies go, this one is insulting to children. For children to like this film, they must be stupid. That's the message that this film delivers, "It's ok that we don't think very hard about this one; children are stupid and will like anything." Except children aren't stupid. They know things about the world including how baseball works or how observable physics work. It's insulting. It's also fairly racist.

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Prelude to Ed

Prelude to Ed

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Brought to you by TRASH. The new channel featuring animals playing sports. Order TRASH today!

Matt LeBlanc graces our TV in the 1996 mega-stinker Ed. Its about a movie of a man in a monkey suit playing baseball! Plus there's a chimpanzee who plays baseball! (Our apologies to Matt LeBlanc, that joke is just way to easy to make)

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Hell Comes to Frogtown

Hell Comes to Frogtown
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Donald G. Jackson, Roddy Piper, Sandahl Bergman, and Steve Wang all completely nail it in Hell Comes to Frogtown. It can be argued that there is no funner "bad movie" ever made, especially when how much little money was spent. Sam Hell enters Frogtown to gets some fertile women rescued and then make sweet sweet love to them. This movie rocks.

We'll start with our dearly departed Roddy. There's no one out there that could have done a better job with the role of Sam Hell. Period. Roddy nails the role. He's snide, sarcastic, witty, action-packed, intense, funny, and charming. Sam Hell can rival just about anyone out there as for likable characters. Sam Hell is just as lovable as Ash (Evil Dead) or Danton (Deadly Prey). The guy is bad ass and too much fun.

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Prelude to Hell Comes to Frogtown

Prelude to Hell Comes to Frogtown

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This episode we pay tribute to one hell of a human being, one of the best entertainers in history and possibly the sole reason that Vince McMahon has a successful business; one Roddy Rowdy Piper. In 1988, shortly after the success of They Live, Roddy starred in a little film called Hell Comes to Frogtown. It's the story of a man in charge of boning lots of ladies while kicking ass along the way. Well that sounds pretty rad....and it is.

On a personal note, Hot Rod was a real big deal to me. I grew up watching and rooting for Rowdy and Macho Man more than any other wrestlers. I remember being astounded about how energetic Roddy was and how everyone else seemed so rehearsed but he was just off the cuff with anything he said. You could see whoever was on camera with Roddy being completely unprepared with dealing with Roddy. I loved it. Roddy, you'll be missed. Say hi to Randy Savage for me.

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I Know Who Killed Me

I Know Who Killed Me
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LL stars in her Razzie winning opus/masterpiece of terrible cinema, twice! It's the story of a mixed up teen and her mixed up teen doppelganger who suffer from "non-religious stigmata" and death by not finishing piano training. It may be the least frightening horror movie ever made!

Lindsey Lohan wows us in the film. She may not have been aware she was in movie for about half of the film. She appears to be either on ludes or vodka quite frequently. You can see her tune out of being there when not giving lines and sorta just stares at the wall. Her "stripping" is awful in that she doesn't actually strip. Oh she dances then? No she doesn't do that either. She just sorta makes a poopy face and slithers around the pole. Wow. I've never stripper danced before but I'm pretty sure I could have done a better job.

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Prelude to I Know Who Killed Me

Prelude to I Know Who Killed Me

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Presented by "I Know Who My Agent Is" the horror film that only scares Hollywood. An agent sets out to kill Lindsey Lohan, Paul Giamatti and Will Smith's careers. The horror!

Jackie brings in another multi-Razzie winner, with 8 wins, including Worst Actress and Worst Picture. It's the Lohan, starring in her first role as a crack whore but refuses to take her top off. Can it possibly be worse than Wicker Man?

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Seven

Seven

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It's the second film from Stinker Madness stalwart, Andy Sidaris. No, it's not that one with Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman. It's the story of seven agency operatives taking down seven criminal overlords on lovely Hawaii for the price of seven million dollars. It's got all the classic staples from Andy and we love it! At least the first hour and 23 minutes, because we haven't seen the end of this film.

WHAT?!?! You're going to do a review of a movie you haven't seen all of? Nope we aren't. Sorry to disappoint guys. There's not going to be a review in this one. However, it's quite important to still discuss this film and how we watched it. We were forced to watch this film on YouTube. Because it's not available by any other means. That's right you can't get your hands on this film. It's not for sale. Now here's the real rub. The YouTube copy cuts out at 83 minutes with an ad for a Japanese porno site. Nice. The real fun thing is that this movie keeps getting removed for copyright infringement by the copyright owner. They have that right. But if you're going to do that then make it available to buy, please. Idiots. (It should be noted that friend of the show, Arlene Sidaris does NOT own the rights to this film. We believe that Hugh Hefner does.)

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Prelude to Seven

Prelude to Seven

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Before Malibu Express, Andy Sidaris directed a film called Seven. It's quite hard to find and rarely seen and has been on our list for ages. It stars William Smith and is about seven operators taking on seven villains in Hawaii. Buckle up for the ride!

This episode we have no streaming do's and don'ts but we instead discuss the Top Ten Stinker Staples. Be sure to read the whole list.

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Near Dark

Near Dark
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Near Dark is highly praised for being the best vampire movie ever made. However that's like saying that the Pinto is the best car that explodes on impact ever made. Its the tale of a farm boy who falls in love with a wandering stranger that's not like any of the other girls. He then goes on a wild ride with a gang of nomads in a van until sunlight wins the day again.

Well....we don't like this movie. We found it to be a colossal disappointment with some really misses. In that, the primary problem with this film is that Bill Paxton is incredible. You heard it. Bill Paxton does a fantastic acting job. He nails it. He's infectious. He's memorizing. "Why is that a problem?" you might ask. Because there's far too little of him on screen. His role is super limited and angered us. Hey Bigelow, we want more Paxton!

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