Presented by Newton Goo. The only solution for all your space travel rashes, conditions, and infections!
Sam takes us to space again as we get ready for the model work masterpiece from the Andersons. In honor of our 50th episode we recap our favorite movies that we've done episodes for (Beastmaster gets a vote from all three of us).
Plus Streaming Dos and Don'ts, movie trivia and in depth info about the movie forthcoming. Get some.
We get in the Cage and the Rapture when we visit the local $1 theater to see the remake of a classic stinker. Can it be worse than Kirk Cameron's Left Behind? Can it possibly be worse than Noah? Can it be the worst movie of all time?
The answers lie within...
Nic Cage stars as Rayford Steele, an commericial jet-liner captain with some poor taste and tact. He's ditches his family on his own birthday to fly a plane to go see U2 in London with his mistress flight attendant. It's ok to hate this guy. Mid-flight the Rapture happens and nothing is left of the Rapturees (?) except their clothes. Everyone panics, blah blah blah and then their plane gets hit by another commercial plane that has no pilots because (uh duh) they also got raptured. So now Rayford Steele and his journalist/future-son-in-law, Buck Williams must now rely on Chloe (Steele's God-hating, suicidal, melodramatic and (after a 5 minute conversation) love interest for Buck Williams) to find a place to land the plane.
LOTR director Peter Jackson directs and stars (with 2 roles) in Bad Taste, a film so amazing it took 4 years to make and was banned in Australia.
This movie tells the tale of the Protectors of Earth as they take on the evil Lord Crumb and his evil fast food employee horde. Can Derek defeat Crumb or is the yummy goodness of human meat just too much to ignore? Will Crumb's Country Delights take over in market share? Will the board of directors see increased profits? How does Barry keep such an excellent beard for 4 years? Your questions are answered, when Mark guests with Jackie and Justin.
Over the top action:
Cheesy effects:
Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
Memorable one-liners:
Brought to you by Crumb's Country Delights - Try the Finger Ladies for only $1.00.
It's Halloweeny time and for that we bring in a special guest horror movie expert, Jackie's mom Janet. We discuss the upcoming movie which is Peter Jackson's masterpiece, Bad Taste. We also talk about our three SCARIEST movies of all time. Plus where the hell did Sam go? Did a spooky ghost get him?!?! Did he get turned into intergalactic fast food and is now on the menu of Crumb's Country Delights?!?!
Spoilers
(Sam's probably just trapped on the toilet or something)
Rachel and three of the worst painters known to man get terrorized by a little green guy with bad hygiene. He just wants his gold, but no one thinks to just spend the gold OR kick him across the county.
Also Warwick Davis rides a skateboard, drives a Power Wheel, pogos, teleports, does a Shaggy and Scooby-Doo impression, gets shot a bunch, has super strength, hates cereal, loves shoes, Daffy Ducks a fence, and has Wolverines powers.
Presented by History's Hidden Monsters. Now with even more conspiracy theories and rednecks!
This is Halloween and we get super jacked for it as Jackie picks a movie about a tiny adversary (paging Joe Dante). He's green and smells like a homeless man, but he's lives in our hearts...and wants to kill us.
Plus! Stinker Thinkers and SpooktoberFest Netflix Recommendations! OooooOOOOooo Rattle those Chains! And fear overusage of exclamation points!!!!
A group of teenage Jawas thaw out a frozen Jason, only to realize that the its time to die. Not even a karate version of C-3PO can stop Jason from enacting his vengeance on humpers. Plus, is that Candyman? And why are space stations so explodable?
So some how in 2008 Jason is captured and stuck in a cryogenic research facility (that just happens to be at Camp Crystal Lake). Some Army dudes want to study his regenerative powers but instead he hacks them all up. One of the facility staff them shoots Jason into one of the cryo chambers and he gets frozen up nice until 2455. At that point, a group of students/doctors/research/scavengers (unclear who these people are but they basically are Jawas) find Jason and put him on their space ship so they can sell him. He thaws out and hilarity ensues.
Presented by The Days of our Short Lives, with Jason Vorhees as Jason.
Spooktober fest kicks off this week as we get ready to view Jason in Space or Cyborg Jason or Guy with Machette in the Future. Call it what you want to call it but this one looks like a great time. Plus Justin and Jackie go ONLY horror movies in their Streaming Movie Reviews plus SPPPOOOOOKY movie trivia. It'll be a ghoulishly good time (ugh....bad puns).
Jesse Pinkman and a band of nobody's get in all sorts of trouble with some fast cars...to end up with not much of anything but debt. Expect some crazy flying cars, helicopters everywhere, a complete lack for the public's safety and the never ending question; will Aaron Paul call someone bitch?
It's the first time a video game movie graces our show and it's a hell of a ride, so go out, get the movie and a Redbox or whatever and then listen to this podcast to relive all the sheer stupidity or fun we find.
Presented by Fireball Run, starring Burt Reynolds, Dom Deluise, Farrah Fawcett and Deckard Cain from Diablo.
We strap ourselves into our five-point safety harnesses and don our crash helmets as we prepare to view the video game adaptation of Need for Speed with Aaron Paul. We drum up some mild streaming recommendations, complain about new releases, and more movie trivia. Varoom.
We keep our fingers crossed that this classic is actually a terrible movie...but no such luck. Even a movie with a silly plot and man-on-fish love can't stop the talent behind Splash. Diehard bad movie fans should avoid this one. It's a fun film with lots of laughs and career launching performances. Oops.
Presented by Seaman's Spermicidal Jelly, the number one brand in sea-ferrer/manitee contraception.
Jackie rolls the dice on whether a bunch of a list talent with a fantasy plot idea has the chance to make a bad movie in the Tom Hanks/Darryl Hannah/John Candy/Eugene Levy/Ron Howard classic "Splash". Plus more movie trivia and the usual nonsense.
Justin tells us what the three worst human/animal relationship films:
Two tough action ninja cops find bromance while taking down the Yakusa with exploding beer, double reverse punch kicks, and the dullest samurai sword of all time. Dolph Lundgren, Brandon Lee, and Tia Carrere's stunt body team up for some out of control action in LA. This is one of the best bad action movies you've never seen.
This movie is so dumb and awesome its ridiculous. We highly recommend this one if you're an action fanatic.
Over the top action:
Cheesy effects:
Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
Memorable one-liners:
Presented by The Expandables.
It's time for us to prepare for the Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee ass-kicking team-up that is Showdown in Little Tokyo. We talk about our England tour, Sam enlightens us on whats up with Jesse Stone and more movie trivia. Kung-fu feet!!!
75 old guys and a handful of "youths" blow some stuff up, make poopy-faces, and break through the 4th wall WAY too many times. We go to the theater and expend $3 for one of the biggest flops of 2014.
So it appears indeed that the team behind EX3 completely walked away from what made the series great. First, it's PG-13. Then instead of giving us old guys that we know and want to see, we are giving a team of young nobodies who's characters are about as kick-ass as warm lemonade. The stunts don't really get going until the last sequence and there's just too much damn CGI in it. Guys go back to what you built your career off - one-liners (that don't break through the 4th wall), crazy action sequences (that are shoot well with good stunts - not just shaking the camera around), and actual action stars (not Kelsey Grammar and Mel Gibson -even though they deliver the best performances in the movie). Still this movie is a total do...in the theater or on DVD when it comes out, NOT by illegally downloading it, you unholy pieces of Simon Cowell shit.
Over the top action:
Cheesy effects:
Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
Memorable one-liners:
Relive the late 90's with this guilty pleasure film. The 5 Spicy Ones take their magical Tardis bus on a tour of nowhere, where men with ass pants, molesting aliens, and some unnamed Asian pregnant lady all stand in their way to endless singing.
Posh, Ginger, Sporty, Baby and Scary Spices give us a full look inside their lives as Spice Girls. Alan Cummings is tasked with making an in-depth look at what it means to be a Spice Girl and how they live and go crazy with Girl Power while their manager must attempt to keep them wrangled. Meatloaf is their bus driver (and official toilet clogger), George Wendt and Mark McKinnie are two Hollywood film makers who want to make a blockbuster movie about them and Roger Moore is the brains behind the whole operation.
Its good fun here and there but suffers greatly from the inane gibberish that spews forth from each Spice (except Baby who has a very clean accent, strangely since all she should say is "goo goo gah gah" right?) and far too much singing and "humanizing" the Spice Girls. We say bleh on this one.
Presented to you by "Bob's Your Uncle 2: Tikity BOOM!" - The latest cop thriller from Stinker Studios.
In honor of our tour through the UK, Jackie has made us bring back the fabulous 5 girls from England in the musical(?), cult favorite(?), Spice World.
My first thought is, why are they so spicey? Is England known for its spices? And only one of them has a name like a spice; Ginger Spice. The rest are just variations of their individual attitude/theme. Now J-Lo...she's spicy. Aye Ca-rumba!
It's time to step onto the Malibu Express (hope you can get past security) and get into the shower (it's ok to stare at the camera) as Andy Sidaris gives us the epic booby movie that is Malibu Express.
This one's got it all: Guns, girls, glitz, boobs, racing, helicopters, grenades, ad-libbed lines, fast cars, faster women, yacht clubs, international espionage, more boobs, and soooo much more boobs.
We also want to thank Arlene Sidaris for all her help and support on making this episode possible. Arlene is why we all still have access to the Andy Sidaris library and so we wish her love and thanks for keeping these movies alive. Also please watch the film this week in full from Mill Creek Productions:
Brought to you by "Put Boobs Anywhere", the new wonder product that will cure all your booblessness problems.
This episode we prepare for what we feel may be the greatest b-movie ever made. It's a masterpiece of huge boobs, silly jokes, excessive nudity, bad gun play, random car race challenges, insane henchmen, more huge boobs, Playboy playmates and more one-liners than an 80's Arnold movie.
We also deliver more Netflix reviews on what to watch and don't watch, plus bad movie trivia and plenty of the usual silly business that we are known for. Tally-ho!
Jan Michael Vincent and George Peppard go for a long ride across the American wasteland in a mega-truck. Along the way they find hill-billies, clever kids, mutated bugs and giant man-eating scorpions. Sounds exciting right? It's not.
The film itself is pretty much just riding around in the mega-truck for long periods of time. The action is few and far between and when it happens it truly looks terrible. The sky on fire is one of the worst effects ever "captured" on film and is where most of the money went. It's truly a shame as if they'd just spent the budget and time elsewhere this may have been a good time. Instead, the movie consists of:
We wish that we could give this a stamp of approval but unfortunately it's a waste of time.
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