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To purge ourselves from the misery of last weeks movie we dowse ourselves in awesomeness and then light ourselves on fire (that was all figurative, in no way do we endorse lighting yourself on fire...unless you're a total tool, then go for it) and let Arnold take the show over it the quintessential action movie of the 1980s (maybe even ever) but still incredibly dumb, Commando.

Fall SMABFA Contenders

• Ben-Hur - Uh, you know you screwed up here.
• Nine Lives - Thanks for telling our kids they are stupid and will like anything. Their not and they hated this.
• The Mechanic: Resurrection - Statham takes a shot at getting that Best Bad Movie title. Possible surprise one here.
• Rings - So what? Sumara lives in Netflix now? Come on it worked (barely) with VHS but 20 years later is too much later....

The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor

• Joan Crawford - Mommie Dearest
• The Waits Family - Troll 2
• Mike Roark - Volcano
• Harry Dalton - Dante's Peak

About Commando (1985) - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Mark L. Lester is making his second, but most likely not last visit, to Stinker Madness from the directors chair. His first film we covered was, of course, Showdown in Little Tokyo. This week's film Commando, is among his most popular, along side the cult classic Class of 1984 and the John Candy vehicle, Armed and Dangerous. Fortunately for us Lester is still turning out stinkers. His most recent effort is 2014's Dragons of Camelot, and it looks like a lot, of bull shit.

ID4:2 comes to a Bad Movie Field Trip on the show this week. Will it be stupid fun enough to get into that elusive Best Bad Movie category for the 2016 SMABFAs? Can it at least be better than that damn Jupiter Ascending?

Well the critics aren't happy. They call it bloated, lazy, and tedious. Well we have good things to say and bad things to say but these words do not come into the fray at all. 

Danton returns to do his thing and his thing is killing so many people in ridiculous ways. This time he gets kidnapped by Colonel Hogan for the sake of a "never hunt a man" competition, faces off against Thorton, receives an assist from an old military buddy, has his wife kidnapped by a sexretary and does a fist pump in the air. Sound familiar?

If you had told us that Deadliest Prey is just a remake of Deadly Prey without any of a new story we would have been deeply disappointed. It shouldn't work. But somehow Deadliest Prey does work. There's no better way they could have done it. It's so much fun and has so much fan service that works great that we absolutely loved it. 

Mike Danton is back on the show and we can't be excited enough. Deadliest Prey is the 28 years later sequel to Hall of Fame movie, Deadly Prey and we can't wait to see how David and Ted Prior follow up one of the greatest bad movies of all time.

Be sure to revisit our Deadly Prey episode and for god sakes, watch the movie.

Dirty Harry finally becomes the worst cop in the history of cops when he decides asking questions or arresting people is boring; it's just better to shoot everyone in the face. Sprinkle in some karate, self-deprecating jokes, an unnecessary love interest, old-man grumble dialogue, a car/rc car/car chase, dubious action, and a plot that leaves the audience thinking it was invented by monkeys and you've got the recipe for a franchise killer. Goodbye, Dirty Harry.

The primary problem with The Dead Pool is the incapable hands behind the camera. The script is incredibly dumb, with a "surprise" twist that is blatantly obvious from the first scene in the movie. You're then stuck with a setup for the twist that you're already clued into for the next hour. You know that all the character actions are irrelevant to the actual story and it makes it painful to deal with. So you've got an audience bored with the movie, why not put in another plot as a vehicle for action? Seriously, when your main story doesn't have any call for action, don't add a subplot that is just there so that your protagonist can shoot people in the face. Terrible writing. 

This week we put on our best "squinty stink-eye whisper-yelling shoot everyone in the face" faces and get ready for Clint Eastwood to make his first appearance on the show in the franchise-killing Dead Pool. Can Harry Calahan keep his gun in his pants for more than six lines of dialogue?

You're Wrong, Idiot!

Regarding Superman IV: The Quest for Peace 

It took four years and many many punches, but the final product is a roller coaster of a stinker. Jim Van Bebber's gang-revenge film has one of the craziest final fights ever captured in film.

Along the way is a series of bonkers sequences that may or may not work for everyone but it's still a wild ride. The first 2/3 of the film is pretty slow, if we are honest. You have your typical "gang murdered my babe and now I gotta get me some revenge" plot but it seems there just wasn't enough material to have just that plot line. The film would have been about 30 minutes if it stuck to the plan. So there's alot of scenes that seem to be put in as time fillers. These time fillers setup the protagonist's (Goose) life and universe but they have very little to do with anything and can be a little tedious to get past.

Its the final movie of our second year of podcasting and the last film eligible for our Year in Review episode. It's Jim Van Bebber pulling a Wiseau and killing his way to revenge and no amount of gang members are going to stand in his way. How much ass can he kick? Plenty.

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

• Star Knight - YouTube
• Cannibal! The Musical - Hulu
• Wildcard - Amazon Prime Video

Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor - The Presidents

• President Benson - Hotshots
• President Dave - Dave
• President Frankenstein - Deathrace 2000

About Deadbeat at Dawn - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Goose is the leader of the Ravens… So wait, the Ravens are led by a Goose? What kind of motorcycle gang is this? Wouldn’t the Birds have members named Goose and Raven, not the Ravens with members Goose and Keith? If one was hoping the rival Spiders have better attention to details, one will not be rewarded. The Spiders are Danny and Bonecrusher. I think I got bit by a danny spider the other day, it could have been a bone crusher though…

For years people have been requesting a remake of a really stupid and poorly thought out 90's movie with horrendous acting and too many "dude bros" and then make it much much stupider. Wait...no one asked for that? Then wait the hell is the point of Point Break (2015)?

The story of 2015's Point Break is truly one of the more poorly thought plots in recent memory. Johnny Utah must go undercover into some extreme guys again and to do it he must also do extreme stuff to build up their trust. There the plot similarity ends. The real dumb stuff is the motivation of Bodhi and his crew. They are going to save the Earth (environmentally, ie. "Mans progress is totally harshing my groove, bro" crap)...by doing 8 extreme sport/stunts. Yup. Save the Earth by jumping off stuff. Now one can argue that they are environmental terrorists who are going to stop corporations from damaging the Earth by extreme criminality but at no point would any of their stunts do that, one, in fact, damages the Earth more than the activity they are preventing and then halfway through the movie, they just give up on that completely and just do extreme sports so, as Bodhi puts it, "become one with the Earth". If only "becoming one with the Earth" meant splattering into the side of it at terminal velocity.

Brought to you by Timelonel, the best cure for time travel headaches and Ted Stevens, Time Gigolo

This week Sam brings in one of his favorite movies from his childhood called Biggles. It's a time travel movie that desired to combine Indiana Jones with Back to the Future. Sounds like a recipe for success to us!

When you take 70-bajillion characters with vague powers and zero characterization, toss in a very poorly cast James Remar who manages to act worse than Christopher Lambert, sprinkle with crappy, boring fight scenes with a side of the worst special effects ever, and then finish off with completely removing any bit of "Mortal Kombating" while still calling it Mortal Kombat, you've built a movie worthy of being called one of the worst movies of all time. Mortal Kombat: Annihiliation deserves to be in the IMDB Bottom 100, should have swept the Razzie awards and deserves to be mentioned alongside Birdemic and Manos: The Hands of Fate. It is a truly awful and painful film to view.

The story of the film truly isn't worth mentioning, mostly because it doesn't exist. The plot entails Shao Kahn (Bryan Thomspon) causing a "convergence" of all the realms so that he can't have power. We can't figure out what that power is or why smashing realms together causes that. So Raiden (James Remar) and team must stop Kahn and his cronies by using Katana as a key, Liu Kang defeating Kahn in a fight and Raiden becoming mortal. That's it. That's the entire plot. No other details are revealed.

We open the episode with Sportcenter's coverage of the Mortal Kombat association vs. the Mortal Kombat Players Association legal battle over injuries in the sport.

We get ready to experience the "watchable crap" called Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, the sequel to the massively successful Mortal Kombat (1995). Is there a chance that it could possibly be not a giant turd and as much fun as the first one? Odds are not good with it's 11 Metacritic score.

Donald G. Jackson, Roddy Piper, Sandahl Bergman, and Steve Wang all completely nail it in Hell Comes to Frogtown. It can be argued that there is no funner "bad movie" ever made, especially when how much little money was spent. Sam Hell enters Frogtown to gets some fertile women rescued and then make sweet sweet love to them. This movie rocks.

We'll start with our dearly departed Roddy. There's no one out there that could have done a better job with the role of Sam Hell. Period. Roddy nails the role. He's snide, sarcastic, witty, action-packed, intense, funny, and charming. Sam Hell can rival just about anyone out there as for likable characters. Sam Hell is just as lovable as Ash (Evil Dead) or Danton (Deadly Prey). The guy is bad ass and too much fun.

Dalton gets brought into make a bar even less fun, get paid way too much, prevent alcohol from being served and then rip everyone's throats out. It's the bad movie classic Road House, 5 time Razzie nominee starring Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliot.

This is one of the most viewed and loved bad movies of all time and there's a reason it's so popular. It's ridiculous. It's one hell of a good time. The action is over the top, the dialogue is hilarious, the acting is a atrocious and the plot of completely stupid. It's fantastic. There's so many problems with the story but I'll try to name just a couple:

Presented by The Antiques Road House. Dalton stops by to help analyze some precious valuables.

This episode we get a preview of the 1988 classic stinker, Road House, starring Patrick Swayze, Sam Elliot and Ben Gazarra. It's a whole hodown at the Double Deuce bar. How many bottles will we smash over each other's heads?

It's a cyberpunk trip through the Internet with Keanu Reeves as he portrays Johnny Mnemonic, a hard-drive installed brain courier guy who has to deliver the cure for Chronic Internetitis Addiction to a group of resistance fighters trying to free our minds from evil corporate influence.....or something?

Wow, 1995 really had no clue how the Internet worked. Yes, this is one of those "lets go into the Internet....with our minds" movies. They didn't get it right. I, however, don't want to spend too much time on how wrong they got with the Internet. I will say that it is the worst onscreen representation of the Internet in film.

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Brought to you by Johnny Pneumatic. Keanu Reeves and Rosmand Pike gets trapped in an annoying steampunk world and gets his armed replaced with a drill (just go with it).

Its time for us to finally see what the Internet looks like from the inside with 1995's Johnny Mnemonic, starring Keanu Reeves and Dina Meyer, with fun appearances of Dolph Lundgren, Henry Rollins, Udo Kier and Ice-T doesn't screw it up!

Brian Bosworth stars this week as Joe Huff/John Stone/All Awesome in Stone Cold with William Forsythe and Lance Henriksen. Its the tale of one tough cop that goes undercover to accomplish absolutely nothing in preventing a biker gang destroying the entire government of Mississippi. Mullets, earrings, giant lizards, exploding choppers, and a ridiculously high body count makes up for one fun ride.

The very funny Ryan Fortier from the "Writing Through Vet School" blog joins us this week to help us make sense of this movie. Ryan is the author of "Paranoia" (available for $2.99) and one of the funniest bad movie reviewers. You can follow Ryan at https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/ and read his bad movie reviews at https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/category/bad-movies-2/.

We open this one with a production meeting for the sequel to Stone Cold. Brian Bosworth discusses ideas.

Take one Brian "The Boz" Bosworth, put him in the role of one tough cop and let him do his own hair and costumes and you've got 1991's Stone Cold directed by stinker staple Craig R. Baxley. It's one of Justin's favorite bad movies so get jacked!

American Kickboxer 2 is a one of a kind achievement in horrendously bad acting, awful dialogue, poorly performed stunts, and incredibly stupid plot. It really is a perfect storm in bad action movies. With this combined tour de crap, it becomes a laugh a second tornado of awesomeness. This is too rad to ignore.

Essentially, a rich family's child is kidnapped and the mother has to recruit two tough guys from her past to rescue her. Sounds simple right? Well lets try this again. The owner of a successful plumbing company has a slightly mentally handicapped child who gets kidnapped by action guys. She contacts her tough guy ex-husband and her tough guy ex-lover and explains to both of them that they have an 8 year old child and that she's been kidnapped. The two tough guys then proceed to fight each other more than bad guys until a hooker tells them that a warehouse that stores guys who don't actually work there and just have upstairs "Fight Club" also contains the kidnapped child. At that point they end up having to fight each other to the death, when a pothead frees here by using cockroaches. Movie ends with an implied three-way. Wow.