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Race car (and man of assorted skills) Blaine Striker invades the tiny island of Santa Heron to team up with the local PhD candidates to take down a very drunk Oliver Reed's nasty plan to repeat the Cuban Missile Crisis. Shenanigans ensue....

Rage to Kill is about as VHS 80's icon as you can imagine. It's the perfect film to have gone into your local tape rental store (the good ol days), go to the action section, judge movies only by the box the tape comes in and keep your fingers crossed that you didn't get a snoozefest. What you instead get here is a bonkers plot, drunk actors, sexy coeds with guns, Russian missiles and many explosions that don't line up.

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A tournament to the death turns into a strange drug heist eliminate the middle-man plot, all to the backdrop of a chesty-karate lady falling for the man who murdered her sister, one Darby Hinton.

Firecracker is as good as bonkers Philippines movie as they come. None of it lines up but it's all non-stop entertaining. We should start by paying homage to the musical score. Without the score, this may be an entirely a different monster and possibly draggy in stops - although it should also be noted that the score was straight stolen from another New World Pictures project.

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MERRY GARBAGE DAY! Eric Freeman earns his mark in the Stinker hall of fame in his eyebrow-tastic take on the Santa-obsessed killer maniac. If you can get past seeing SNDN 1 as well, you're in for a wild, holly-jolly horror film.

Let's be frank, there's not enough good crap in Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 to make it a cult hit on its own. It's the combination of the masterful Eric Freeman and Ricky's insane rampage that makes the rest of the film not matter and send it into many, many fan favorite "Christmas" cult classics. Eric's performance stands among titans and belongs among the elites of Tommy and Connie Young. It's beautiful.

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Boardroom Santa! Ever been really into the business of Santa? Have a passion for Operations Management? Got a degree in holly jolly marketing? Wear a tie with your pajamas? Well this movie is for you! Just not for anyone else.

For the rest of us Santa Claus: The Movie is about as interesting as a government made educational training video. Its just painfully boring. "Santa has a meeting with Jeff and Susie from accounting! Oh boy would I like to see that!" he said sarcastically. "The elves meet in the conference room for a call with the supply department! Wowee!!!!" he said while shoving his head in trash.

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It's a truly baffling experience that is nearly impossible to dissect but does feature a bevvy of bonkers content from start to finish. Arguably, no other movie is so far from being grounded in reality that this is an absolute must-watch for fans of nonsensical plots.

With any mention of The Peanut Butter Solution, it can't be understated how bonkers the plot is. Essentially a child goes into a haunted house, gets so frightened that his hair comes out and then goes on a quest to get his hair to grow back. That all sounds fine and good for a Saturday afternoon made-for-tv kid's movie but this pile is SOOO much more than that. While it really can't be written here, the plot is absolutely unfathomable and is completely off the rails.

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Freddy is back and this time he lulls us to sleep with whale song and LBGTQ social commentary! It begs the ultimate question - does Freddy actually appear in this movie?

Freddy 2 is an absolute bonkers experience and through-out is a complete and utter-turd. At no point does it make sense that it was a commercial success and likely should have destroyed the Freddy franchise (and thus would have prevented the LOTR trilogy from happening) but somehow was a massive win for New Line and kept the doors open for another ten years. I guess that really states to the allure of Mr. K.

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Shabadoo, Boogaloo Shrimp and a cast of break dancers team-up with Golan and Globus, pump out a movie in a handful of months and leave us with one of the most important and culturally infamous bad movies of all time. Hope you like break-dancing!

Let's face it - this movie stinks and rules. There's so little happening but no one notices because it's masked by CONSTANT break dancing. It's wall-to-wall. There might be more more dance/musical numbers in this than Caberet and Chicago and Grease combined. Now that might scare off the casual bad-movie goer who is here for movies staring shirtless men with guns, but don't be afraid - this thing is electric dog-poo on fire.

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Well hello, Mary Lou. So good of you to drop in and see me. Wait what are you doing??? Why do you have the powers of all the X-Men combined? Are you like an evil ghost Rogue? How do you work and what is your reason for existence???? Argghghgghghg.....gurgle, gurgle.

The above is a perfect summation of what each character should be asking the spooky-ghost or spooky-demon or spooky-ghost-demon that is Mary Lou, a 1950s prom queen who got burnt up like Freddy and lives in a suitcase for 30 years only to return and enact dubious revenge upon various 80s teenagers whom had nothing to do with her death. Why Mary Lou chooses to do anything she does is beyond us and where she got her spooky-powers is another problem. Lastly, we really can't even begin to decipher the ending in which Mary Lou gets (what the movie tries to tell us) everything she wants, only to pull a Jason and not be dead so that she can take a road-trip with the kiddies.

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The 80's eats far too much pixi-dust and barfs out the worst of it right into our faces. It's Pia Zedora showing off why a millionaire had to pay for her to act and Craig Scheffer giving poopy face for 90 minutes. If you want to make sure you've seen the worst musical, you can't miss this pile of no talent.

The deal with Voyage of the Rock Aliens is that it's a failed project before it even gets started. Originally it was supposed to be more like UHF instead it's more like Grease 2. You've got Pia Zedora attempting to launch her career by dancing like she's in a blender. On the opposite side of the obligatory love relationship is Craig Scheffer (yes Craig Scheffer from Nightbreed and A River Runs Through It) whose entire thing is to lip-sync over Jermaine Jackson and making poopy-face over and over and over and over again.

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The toughest of the tough guys teams up with a 15-28 year old kid to take down the entire Black Tiger gang using only every gun from the 80's and sweet guitar riffs. No one can touch this guy - mostly because he's covered in sweat and their hands just slip off.

When it comes to butt movies, Steele Justice is possibly the most butt. Imagine every 80's tough guy staple and you've got it here. Epic guitar riff score, training montages, sweaty chest hair, perms, headbands, pastel sweaters, cut-off sleeves, big guns, atrocious dialogue and just being generally butt to everyone around you. Martin Kove has got "it" if "it" is super-butt.

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A guy with unrealistically great hair, stands atop a giant earthworm (who isn't even wearing a costume) and uses his Alexa-style hand laser to be less effective in combat than just going and buying a regular laser gun. It's Dune and arguably one of our most controversial choices to lampoon.

Dune is that unique mix of "well, that looked really good" and "this is a really accurate representation of the novels (sorta)" on one side while also being complete nonsensical crap and horribly cheesy effects and acting on the other side. Is it a stinker? Probably. Is it also passionately made art? Probably. Its not only a head-scratcher on how you want to label it, its a head-scratcher within its content.

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You didn't ask for it, but you got it. A sequel starring a different guy who finds out he's a werewolf and is good at sports, but this time he's in college! Things are about to get a little wild, right? Sadly no - this college is actually just a junior high school.

Nothing says wild college party like punch and pie mixers, right? Getting fast and loose while the "Dean of Men" chaperones! Yeah, college! This is the nerd's version of college for sure. All these rascally rule breaking college freshman are about as nutty as the girl whose best friend is her mom (so, Jackie?).

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The greatest question posed by man since 1986 is "what the heck do people see in this pile?" It's like working next to a construction site. Its like a toaster that always burns your bread. Its like a script that tries to make the leads the two most annoying people on the planet and succeeds. Running Scared sucks.

Imagine yourself living in the universe as Gregory Hines and Billy Crystal's characters. Worse yet, imagine having to work with them. They're worse then Lumberg. Each and every Monday would be a compounding hell, when you the entire department is called in for the morning brief and you can't get through it because these two are trying to be funny throughout the whole thing. Keyword - "trying".

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It's got a random gorilla, a laser "unit", eyebrows that change from shot to shot, a trio of tough ladies, possible ninjas and a dubious plot to build the Infinity Gauntlet so you know this must be a Jim Wynorski movie. Bring on the chesty women!

If you've ever seen a Jim Wynorski film, you know of two things to expect: the left boob and the right boob. This one is no different. It's just a silly budget movie with a fairly standard plot (a trio of chesty ladies team-up to destroy an evil plot to take over the world) but that's where the convention ends. Things get pretty loosey goosey with regard to its own script as Jim runs roughshod with his own project. It's glorious.

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There's a really good reason that this film disappeared from cable networks and the cultural lexicon. Take an heavy level of racism, add a cavalcade of annoying characters and jokes then sprinkle all that on top of inane plot and you've got yourself a monster bud movie.

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Andy Sidaris once again dials the nonsense up to about 50 and matches that number with topless women. This time the LETHAL team has to deal with some internal double-crossing or triple-crossing, we're very confused on how many crossings happen here. 

We've seen that a lot of the reviews online for the 4th film in the LETHAL collection (this one proves that Seven is part of the franchise) that this one isn't good. There's no giant snake gimic, not as crazy stunts, and a much crappier version of the Malibu Express. Those points are all correct however, this is still a great time and as far as we can see has only one extreme drawback - the continuing degradation of the Abilene's in quality. Travis Abilene is the worst. He's just scummy. The actor belongs on the bad guy team - not among the coolest guys of all time. He stinks.

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"When the leader of the African rebels starts to interrogate Santa Claus and his fairy friend as CIA spies" is the start of a sentence that someone must say after watching this film. Shortly afterwards it's "then his kids grab some guns to free Santa from the rebels". WTF?

I Believe in Santa Claus (or J'ai rencontré le Père Noël in the original French) is a baffling film that turns out is just a vehicle for soundtrack sales that led to a Milli Vanilli situation - so possibly story took a pretty big back seat. Little can be said about it that will do the viewing experience justice. It's absolutely insane AND a Christmas movie. 

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It's been a long time coming and it's now finally time to delve into the complexities of the dark comedy/action thriller about a duck, man. George Lucas puts on his producer hat and then proceeds to lose all the money.

Howard the Duck is one of the hardest films we've ever had to review. Not because its that hard to watch (although it's chock full of groan worthy moments), but just because it's so hard to determine what the heck it is. Is it a kids movie? Is it a comedy? What's the moral or the point, really? It's just very hard to define and that makes ones expectations pretty hard to narrow down. I've tried to use our blog tag system to give some single words as to what it is - yet the only thing I can come up with is that it's an 80's movie.

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Buckle up for banana business as were-monkey-wolves try to throw a killer birthday party. Every body is invited. Leave your head at the door. It'll be a bloody good time. Ok..well unless Christopher Lee and some townies are party-crashers. Then you'll get shot up pretty good.

When you put Reb Brown next to Sir Christopher Lee, and then have a bunch of guys in Planet of the Apes costumes pretend (or not?) be werewolves, you're destined to have a mind-boggling mess on your hands. This thing is bafflingly bad. The events that transpire are sorta clear, but why they happen is absolutely nonsense. Best we can determine is that a lady's birthday orgy gets interrupted because he brother shows up.

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How do you follow up Wes Craven's directing? You call Jim Wynorski? And he totally shows Wes how its done? Wow. Fan-Fave Jim showcases how you have fun with a failed superhero property. Replace Zach Snyder right now, DC!

The polarization between the two versions of Swamp Thing is night and day. It's known within the first 15 seconds as shown by the opening scroll: