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Magic (and baloney) is in the air this week as we prepare ourselves for Jackie's pick; a dancicul knock-off of Teen Wolf.  Plus the usual other 0.5 episode stuff. Listen to it before we hex you!

We take a look into the future where Mick Jagger gets to be an action star, no one ages, and that fava-beans and chianti guy gets paid his day rate. Emilio Estevez stars as Alex Furlong, a race car driver that gets exploded into the future so that he can get "bone-jacked" for a rich man's immortality....we think. The future doesn't make a whole lot of sense to us humble 2014 people.

Emilio and Jagger are really quite bad actors in this film. They both are terrible but in completely opposite ways. Jagger is thoroughly wooden and puts little to no effort into his role. While Estevez does his best Jim Carrey and overacts each scene. He's like that desperate person at the end of the bar at midnight that tries way too hard to be your friend. This duo play enemies so the opposing acting makes up for some fun unintentional comedic chemistry.

There's some pretty weird things in the future as well. Everybody shoots at each other yet cities seem to be fairly pleasant aside from the flying bullets. Time and space do not have properties in people's dwellings as most apartments in the film have secret rooms and doors that can't physically exist in the building space, at least in the world that we understand. Toss in Alex and Julie Redlund's (played by Rene Russo) relationship with their literal on-screen butt kissing and quite unrealistic dialogue, you've got a story world that involves a lot of head scratching for the viewer.

We get ready to travel to the future when Mick Jagger becomes a movie star in Freejack.  Plus more Netflix dos and don'ts as well as our riveting improv work.

Truck stops, crummy arm wrestling, and terrible parenting make up this weeks stinker and P.U. does this one stink! Stallone plays a mediocre trucker, a "good" arm-wrestler and maybe the worst parent ever. How the hell Leonard Part 6 won the Razzie over this turd is a travesty.

So the film revolves around Lincoln Hawk (Stallone) and his son, Michael (David Mendenhall), rekindling their relationship after 10 years of neglect. They do this by truckin' and arm wrastling. As children actor's go, David Mendenhall is pretty bad. You'd really like to step on this kid within 4 minutes of the film. It's very fitting that Stallone's Lincoln Hawk appears to completely ignore the existence of him as his son.

The relationship between the two of these people is astounding. One minute it is just preposterous as Hawk is such a total dirtbag to his son (he's late to his child's graduation because he's gotta take his shirt off and wash his truck) and the next minute is super creepy with child cuddling in a truck cab. Ick. It also tells us that a child's relationship with his father is much more important than the future of the child's life. Michael starts the film out by graduating from military school with honors and finishes the film by giving up everything to become a truck-driving arm wrestler. Nice. Maybe the film is an accurate depiction of how awful awful awful parents can really screw up a child. Or maybe it's just that someone doesn't know how to make a character likable in any way.

Justin, Jackie and Sam gear up for some truckin' and arm wrastlin' with Sly Stallone's "Over the Top".  We also add more Netflix Dos and Don'ts, plus Stinker Thinkers, and Sam introduces us to the "Big Time TF"

Judging movies by their covers back-fires on us as we get duped into watching a non-wrestling "wrestling" movie. Jamie Kennedy and Edge slap us in the mouth, with special guest Mark.

At some point in time, some bonehead named David Calloway got it in his head that making movies starring wrestlers in serious roles was a good idea. He's the executive producer behind such "good ideas" as Legendary (John Cena), Knucklehead (Paul Wight or The Big Show), The Chaperone (Paul Levesque or Triple H), The Reunion (John Cena) and 2012's borefest Bending the Rules. These movies all say one thing: "Hey Hollywood, we can make top notch movies that rival the likes of David O' Russell and Cameron Crowe AND star the top wrestlers of the day". What? No! If we want to see wrestlers in film it better damn well be action packed with ludicrous stunts and fight scenes. Even though it is a terrible film, No Holds Barred is SO much more entertaining and should be the bar set for WWE produced films. Stop this shit, now. (Editor's note - Bending the Rules is the last film that David Calloway has produced so hopefully someone got the message).

So Jamie Kennedy and Edge to their best attempt at the Lewis and Martin routine. Kennedy is a goofball lawyer while Edge is a dead pan tough cop on the outside of the law. Unfortunately, Kennedy's Lewis is more of the look into the brain of an asshole than it is a goofball and Edge's Martin is some of the most wooden acting ever caught on film.

We gear up for another epic from WWE Studios - this time starring Jamie Kennedy and Edge. We also give our first attempt at Stinker Improv, where we re-enact what we believe the movie will be about.  Are you ready to fumble?????

Sam, Jackie and Justin delve into the intense neo-political sub-tones of Invasion USA...and all the Spolsions. Chuck Norris wears a curly mullet and tells you, "It's time to die" unless he doesn't also have a rocket launcher. BOOM!

So the fun thing about Invasion USA is Chuck Norris' impenetrable calmness. No matter what happens on screen, he's completely deadpan throughout and never raises his voice above a whisper ("Time to die, Rostov"). It's an achievement in non-excitement. Just look at the movie poster and imagine Chuck doing insane things with that expression on his face all the way.

The plot of this film is pretty ridiculous as well. There's some plan by an unknown group of assorted bad guys who appear to be from all over the world. It's affirmative action bad guy group as there's Russians, Cubans, Middle Eastern guys, and probably some Madagascans in there as well. Sam believes that they are mercenaries from all over and are only in it for the money. We still aren't sure what "it" is that they are in for, but it appears to be just invading the suburbs of Florida. Maybe it's just for general terror but then, how do you pay the mercenaries?

We set for this week's Stinker with Chuck Norris making his first appearance. Also more Netflix Do's and Don'ts and Stinker Theater.

So imagine you're sitting at make-out hill, getting a little R-n-R and then suddenly some guys (sorta dressed as cops) swoop down and steal you away to an underground facility where you must gladiatorial fight to the death for your right to protect your girlfriends virginity.

Well that's the entire plot for this little known 1990 stinker brought to us from Epic Productions. IMDB only has a total of 64 users having ever viewed it which makes it too rare to be on the Bottom 100, not that it should be.

Unlike Barbarian Queen, that was gratuitously chock full o' shirtless girls, this movies surprising achievement is a stark lack of nudity. I think their may be a brief man-ass, but its amazingly bare (phrasing) considering its very adult (and sometimes uncomfortable) content material. There is some pretty rough rape scenes and some very Stockholm Syndrome undertones with Alison (Camille Carrigan) that were very bold for the b-movie genre, which usually has very light-hearted subject matter.... as far as character development anyways.  In fact, if it wasn't for the silly plot idea, the screenplay might have been respected at the time.

I will warn the viewer this, stick with this movie.  3/4 of this film is pretty mediocre and has a few scenes where I had a hard time paying attention. The plight of poor old kidnapped Billy (Kevin T. Walsh (I assume the T stands for Top Notch)), was pretty uninteresting especially after his sole, overt motivation to win in battle (protect his girly's chaste underwears) is a moot point. A good chunk of this film is Billy being psychologically toyed with by the evil Queen Diana (Erika Nunn) to join with her as her gentleman-servant. Erika Nunn is easily the worst part of this film, as her character sucks and she is impossibly ugly. I usually try to avoid trashing people's looks but because she is meant to be a femme-fatale, who wears revealing "future" attire and strange headwear, that I believe is meant to make the viewer think, "Hey Billy doesn't have it so bad", I think she's fair game. When she was on camera, I spent most of it averting me eyes.  Yikes.

So Billy (who really is a wanker) befriends Lyle Wagner (Reggie De Morton) who is the facilities main trainer. Why, I'm not sure because Lyle's fighting style appears to be circle your opponent and give him a mean face and then wait for him to hit your sword; just like Barbarian Queen strangely. But either way Billy has a training montage, ala Gymkata and so he is ready to fight.

Good journey! Ever wanted He-Man to leave Eternia and show up in YOUR town. Well this week he does just that along with the rest of his goons and Skeletor..ish.

There's some really dumb bits about this film but they are so dumb that they makes it fun. The costumes are just as ridiculous as the special effects and the set designs. There is some pretty rad action sequences that are pretty laughable such as the Centurions who have some flying jet-skis that look pretty bad. However the laughs are few and far between as the movie mostly consists of some guys wandering around and groan-worthy moments of the Eternia people not understanding life on Earth.

Unfortunately, He-Man himself kinda blows. He's more of a gun-guy than a sword wielding power-man. Dolph Lundgren (He-Man) does his best with his very limited English speaking abilities so it's really not his fault. It just seems like no one involved had a concept of who He-Man was or had ever seen what he's all about. I understand that the budget was very minimal to work with but instead of just using the budget to get as close to He-Man as possible, they instead just change the character to fit with other action movies. It just doesn't work.

Let me break this down to you in one word - boobs.  So many boobs.  Oh god there's so many.  

Sounds great right?

Well......not really. It actually makes for just ok. But I'll get into that.

So the movie revolves around this group of women (in some unknown location and in some unknown time) that have their village and booties plundered but some guys in black, all on the day of the Amethea's (Lana Clarkson) wedding day to Argan (Frank Zagarino). Bummer. So this small band of women (only 2 of them actually do anything; Taramis only ever cares about food) set out to rescue Argan and get revenge.

Well they suck at it.  They are REALLY good however and getting captured, tortured and further raped.  Nice work ladies. Eventually they make it to the bad guy's castle/town thingy where everyone does nothing but wander around and then get captured.  Amethea eventually ends up on a torture "rack" (her elbows are nice and bent the entire time, very comfy).  Her torturer then attempts to awkwardly rape her but she must have been really (I mean REALLY) doing kegel exercises as she ends up ripping the guy's unit off and then pushing him into what I infer is a vat of acid.

Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode

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Get ready for a new podcast about bad movies. This episode we gear up for Masters of the Universe with Dolph Lundgren as He-Man and Courtney Cox as...Courtney Cox. Good Journey!

Justin's The Top 10 Hall of Fame Stinkers

1. Troll 2
2. America 3000
3. The Room
4. Death Race 2000
5. Bad Taste
6. Deadly Prey
7. Hell Comes to Frogtown
8. Malibu Express
9. Gymkata
10. Unmasking the Idol

Honorable Mention

There are LOTs and LOTs of lists on the Internet about bad movies and which are the best. But really Stinker Madness isn't about "bad movies". We're about Stinkers.

For years, I've had trouble defining what exactly a "Stinker" is. Well with starting this project, I think I've figured it out.

stink·er 

noun\ˈstiŋ-kər\

That opens the door up considerably. Consider this: would you put Fast & Furious 6 on the same "bad movie" level as "The Room"? Would you say that "Birdemic" is just as good as "Ninja in the Dragon's Den".  No you wouldn't.  Some movies fail on multiple levels making them bad whereas others may only fail on one level thus making them just a Stinker.