Brought to you by The Culkin System. So that you can continue being a neglectful parent with safety!
We start off the 15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies with the last of the theatrical Home Alones. Jackie gives us her rant about movie births and why they suck.
Streaming Dos and Don'ts
Nic Cage delivers one of the finest bad performances of all time in a movie whose plot isn't even a thing (bee crops?) all for the sake of the dumbest evil plan of all time. The Wicker Man serves as a shining example of why we do what we do, to find these movies that are so over the top awesome that you can't help but love them despite how terrible they are.
Nic Cage plays a California highway patrol man/super detective who gets imformed that his ex-fiancee's daughter is missing and that he must come to the island of Summersisle in Washington to find her. Little does he know that this island has many many mysteries. He ends up being the focal point in a plot to restore the islands unsuccessful honey crop (because they angered the bee gods or something) and so now the island needs a sacrifice to restore their ability to grow honey....uh what?
There are so many epic moments of sheer stupidity and horrible dialogue with even worse delivery that this movie is a complete must see for every bad movie lover out there.
We get set for Academy Award winning Nic Cage to make his second appearance on the show in the 2006 thriller "The Wicker Man". And this show is all about Mr. Ex Coppola with the commercial and improv featuring guest appearance from the Ghost Rider himself.
It is also HIGHLY recommended to check out the 3 Minute Wicker Man video if you haven't seen this movie or don't have access to the whole film.
This movie is like a slow painful death from baby-piranha bites. Mike Myers puts his career in a noose, takes its pants off and then kicks out the chair. Rubbish. Pure rubbish with no enjoyment value at all. Its so bad and unviewable that you would be better suited spending your time taking a tack hammer to your temples. Avoid this film at all costs.
Even the appearances by every human ever in this film can't save it. I hate it! $*#& *#@$! AAAAARGGGGHHHH!!!!
Over the top action:
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Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
Memorable one-liners:
Mike Myers commits career suicide and we want to see it happen as we prepare for The Love Guru.
We review the Netflix streaming movies of:
Plus Jackie reveals her new segment called "The Rant". This week she complains about stupid 3D movies.
This episode brought to you by Scatman Coruther's We're Going to Scatmando Guide to Dating for People Who Like to Poo on Each Other.
Imagine yourself in a world where everything that was on the left is now on the right and vice versa. What would you do? WHAT WOULD YOU DO?!?!
So this movie features some incredible model work from the Andersons. But thats where the awesome starts. Everything takes an incredibly long time to setup and once the whole plot happens (at 3/4 of the movie) you are left with a deep black hole where your expectations used to be. The whole movie plays out like a way too long episode of Twilight Zone and should have been as such.
Also nice work on all promotional posters AND trailers for this film ruin the plot twist. Insert Slow Clap here.
Presented by Newton Goo. The only solution for all your space travel rashes, conditions, and infections!
Sam takes us to space again as we get ready for the model work masterpiece from the Andersons. In honor of our 50th episode we recap our favorite movies that we've done episodes for (Beastmaster gets a vote from all three of us).
Plus Streaming Dos and Don'ts, movie trivia and in depth info about the movie forthcoming. Get some.
We get in the Cage and the Rapture when we visit the local $1 theater to see the remake of a classic stinker. Can it be worse than Kirk Cameron's Left Behind? Can it possibly be worse than Noah? Can it be the worst movie of all time?
The answers lie within...
Nic Cage stars as Rayford Steele, an commericial jet-liner captain with some poor taste and tact. He's ditches his family on his own birthday to fly a plane to go see U2 in London with his mistress flight attendant. It's ok to hate this guy. Mid-flight the Rapture happens and nothing is left of the Rapturees (?) except their clothes. Everyone panics, blah blah blah and then their plane gets hit by another commercial plane that has no pilots because (uh duh) they also got raptured. So now Rayford Steele and his journalist/future-son-in-law, Buck Williams must now rely on Chloe (Steele's God-hating, suicidal, melodramatic and (after a 5 minute conversation) love interest for Buck Williams) to find a place to land the plane.
LOTR director Peter Jackson directs and stars (with 2 roles) in Bad Taste, a film so amazing it took 4 years to make and was banned in Australia.
This movie tells the tale of the Protectors of Earth as they take on the evil Lord Crumb and his evil fast food employee horde. Can Derek defeat Crumb or is the yummy goodness of human meat just too much to ignore? Will Crumb's Country Delights take over in market share? Will the board of directors see increased profits? How does Barry keep such an excellent beard for 4 years? Your questions are answered, when Mark guests with Jackie and Justin.
Over the top action:
Cheesy effects:
Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
Memorable one-liners:
Brought to you by Crumb's Country Delights - Try the Finger Ladies for only $1.00.
It's Halloweeny time and for that we bring in a special guest horror movie expert, Jackie's mom Janet. We discuss the upcoming movie which is Peter Jackson's masterpiece, Bad Taste. We also talk about our three SCARIEST movies of all time. Plus where the hell did Sam go? Did a spooky ghost get him?!?! Did he get turned into intergalactic fast food and is now on the menu of Crumb's Country Delights?!?!
Spoilers
(Sam's probably just trapped on the toilet or something)
Rachel and three of the worst painters known to man get terrorized by a little green guy with bad hygiene. He just wants his gold, but no one thinks to just spend the gold OR kick him across the county.
Also Warwick Davis rides a skateboard, drives a Power Wheel, pogos, teleports, does a Shaggy and Scooby-Doo impression, gets shot a bunch, has super strength, hates cereal, loves shoes, Daffy Ducks a fence, and has Wolverines powers.
Presented by History's Hidden Monsters. Now with even more conspiracy theories and rednecks!
This is Halloween and we get super jacked for it as Jackie picks a movie about a tiny adversary (paging Joe Dante). He's green and smells like a homeless man, but he's lives in our hearts...and wants to kill us.
Plus! Stinker Thinkers and SpooktoberFest Netflix Recommendations! OooooOOOOooo Rattle those Chains! And fear overusage of exclamation points!!!!
A group of teenage Jawas thaw out a frozen Jason, only to realize that the its time to die. Not even a karate version of C-3PO can stop Jason from enacting his vengeance on humpers. Plus, is that Candyman? And why are space stations so explodable?
So some how in 2008 Jason is captured and stuck in a cryogenic research facility (that just happens to be at Camp Crystal Lake). Some Army dudes want to study his regenerative powers but instead he hacks them all up. One of the facility staff them shoots Jason into one of the cryo chambers and he gets frozen up nice until 2455. At that point, a group of students/doctors/research/scavengers (unclear who these people are but they basically are Jawas) find Jason and put him on their space ship so they can sell him. He thaws out and hilarity ensues.
Presented by The Days of our Short Lives, with Jason Vorhees as Jason.
Spooktober fest kicks off this week as we get ready to view Jason in Space or Cyborg Jason or Guy with Machette in the Future. Call it what you want to call it but this one looks like a great time. Plus Justin and Jackie go ONLY horror movies in their Streaming Movie Reviews plus SPPPOOOOOKY movie trivia. It'll be a ghoulishly good time (ugh....bad puns).
Jesse Pinkman and a band of nobody's get in all sorts of trouble with some fast cars...to end up with not much of anything but debt. Expect some crazy flying cars, helicopters everywhere, a complete lack for the public's safety and the never ending question; will Aaron Paul call someone bitch?
It's the first time a video game movie graces our show and it's a hell of a ride, so go out, get the movie and a Redbox or whatever and then listen to this podcast to relive all the sheer stupidity or fun we find.
Presented by Fireball Run, starring Burt Reynolds, Dom Deluise, Farrah Fawcett and Deckard Cain from Diablo.
We strap ourselves into our five-point safety harnesses and don our crash helmets as we prepare to view the video game adaptation of Need for Speed with Aaron Paul. We drum up some mild streaming recommendations, complain about new releases, and more movie trivia. Varoom.
We keep our fingers crossed that this classic is actually a terrible movie...but no such luck. Even a movie with a silly plot and man-on-fish love can't stop the talent behind Splash. Diehard bad movie fans should avoid this one. It's a fun film with lots of laughs and career launching performances. Oops.
Presented by Seaman's Spermicidal Jelly, the number one brand in sea-ferrer/manitee contraception.
Jackie rolls the dice on whether a bunch of a list talent with a fantasy plot idea has the chance to make a bad movie in the Tom Hanks/Darryl Hannah/John Candy/Eugene Levy/Ron Howard classic "Splash". Plus more movie trivia and the usual nonsense.
Justin tells us what the three worst human/animal relationship films:
Two tough action ninja cops find bromance while taking down the Yakusa with exploding beer, double reverse punch kicks, and the dullest samurai sword of all time. Dolph Lundgren, Brandon Lee, and Tia Carrere's stunt body team up for some out of control action in LA. This is one of the best bad action movies you've never seen.
This movie is so dumb and awesome its ridiculous. We highly recommend this one if you're an action fanatic.
Over the top action:
Cheesy effects:
Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
Memorable one-liners:
Presented by The Expandables.
It's time for us to prepare for the Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee ass-kicking team-up that is Showdown in Little Tokyo. We talk about our England tour, Sam enlightens us on whats up with Jesse Stone and more movie trivia. Kung-fu feet!!!
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