The Cartier Affair

Become a Patron!

The Hoff and Joan Collins find love and trouble in a plot to steal all her stuff. Can Curt Taylor find a way to save her career, her belongings, his own life and stop Kojak from further living in up in Club Feb? You tell us - cause we couldn't be bothered to pay attention.

The Cartier Affair is an absolutely solid movie - if you are stacking it against other made for TV movies from the 80's. And then Lonesome Dove came out and TV was changed forever. For the purpose of this podcast/blog - The Cartier Affair is a massive waste of time. There's just nothing to show up for. The plot isn't fun but it's concise. The acting is competent but no standouts. The action "exists" and that's about the best I can say for it. It's just buttered toast that is perfectly toasted. It's still just buttered toast.

So yes this review is short. That's because there's just nothing to call attention to. I guess if you want to see a TV movie from the 80s that doesn't suck. Go for it. However, if you are wanting to use your 90 minutes wisely - watch one of the really bad TV movies ie The Peanut Butter Solution. You can skip this one.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:
Cheesy effects:
Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
Memorable one-liners:
Nonsensical Plot:

Riffability:

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality:
Bad Movie Quality: