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Templar Nation

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A team of undeclared researchers go on a dig in the middle of the desert only to discover a secret tunnel that leads to America's greatest secret. But if they'd only gone through the IKEA, they could have saved a bunch of time.Truly bad film's greatest secret itself.

Templar Nation is the true underappreciated and under served bad movie in the bad movie genre. While it should be on the same pedestals as The RoomBirdemic, and Fateful Findings, it sadly sits on Amazon Prime Video, buried in the midst of Asylum-like movies waiting for someone to please just take a chance on it. Sure, it doesn't have the behind-the-scenes "charisma" that say Tommy or Neil have, but the horrendously terrible job that Joseph James does to portray himself as a real-life LARPer stands as high as a vanity-piece gone awry as the other three.

Go through the checklist of needs to rival "the bigs" in bad cinema: atrocious acting, scenery chewing leads, bad action sequences, terrible set design, the idiot-plot, unintelligible line delivery, baffling villainy, and a climax that is setup to have the audience be stunned but is instead in stitches with laughter. This is Hall of Fame stuff here, fam.

Ya know, the big three took quite a while to gain some notoriety. And maybe because Templar Nation is from 2013, it hasn't had its chance in the sun yet. So I challenge you, dear listener and reader, make this movie a thing. It truly deserves it.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:3-star
Cheesy effects:4-star
Horrendous acting:5-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:5-star
Ridiculous stunts:2-star
Gratuitous nudity:1-star
Memorable one-liners:3-star
Nonsensical Plot:5-star

Riffability:5-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 1-star
Bad Movie Quality:9-star

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Monday, 28 September 2020

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