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Morbius

morbius
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A lack of the scientific method causes a medical failure that could still be cleared up with just a simple conversation. Yes, the MCU has their own idiot plot now.

So basically, Michael Morbius has a rare, but vaguely proclaimed, bone/muscle disease that gives him and his bestie "Milo" (played by Matt Smith) a ticking clock of death that requires him to create a remedy that he alone can test on himself. I think I've heard of that before. Maybe from Robert Louise Stevenson. Anyways, he takes the potion and becomes a vampire-bat-man. Not a vampire. A man who is also a vampire bat. Milo sees his powers and decides to join him, but eats too many people so they have to fight.

Morbius is a DEEPLY flawed movie. As mentioned above, the whole thing could have been avoided with the use of the scientific method. Which could have worked if Morbius was an outsider, alleyway style doctor. But he's not. He's supremely famous and has saved so many lives that he's awarded the Nobel Prize. Pretty sure he knows about the scientific method. Secondly, to skirt the law to make his cure, he takes his lab into international waters - and then staffs the ship with mercenaries who have guns. Why did you hire gun-guys?!?!? Lastly, after he becomes a man-bat, he could have just sat down with Milo and come up with a plan for the next step that completes their research and fixes the issue with the cure. OR become vampire guys that aren't idiots who just eat random people. 

Then there is the fact that the movie tells us our hero is Morbius and our villain is Milo - even though they do the exact same thing and have the exact same character trajectory. Morbius ate the mercenaries. Milo stalks and eats some douches at a bar. That doesn't work.

Lastly, it looks like dump. It is so based on rehashing cheap CGI that Sony used in other movies and bad character design because it "looks cool" and isn't actually. The teeth are too much. The "bat-aerodynamics" glow is butt as hell and it doesn't make any sense. The bounce fighting is vague and impossible to have a clue what is going on. Its just a mess of visuals that weren't well thought out. It is as if there is an "effects meter" and they had to get to a certain level for the film to be released so they just crammed effects in until they got there. Work done, boys. Time to go home!

Morbius has very little to enjoy and is mostly just a joyless experience, even if your there to lampoon. Skip it.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:2-star
Cheesy effects:3-star
Horrendous acting:2-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:2-star
Ridiculous stunts:0-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:0-star
Nonsensical Plot:4-star

Riffability:3-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 4-star
Bad Movie Quality:4-star

Perfect
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Saturday, 13 April 2024

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