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3 Ninjas Kick Back

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3 little hemorrhoids, who are trained to be silent assassins by their "Ninja Tournament" winning grandfather, go to Japan to recover/keep a dagger that is used to unlock a treasure vault/give the same dagger to the winner of the "Ninja Tournament" in time to get home for little league played by adult men and farts.

I can't express my contempt for 3 Ninjas Kick Back in words. I will instead commit Seppuku because I have made suck poor choices in my life that I have dishonored my family name by seeing it. Goodbye, cruel world.

Ok, well now that that is over with, I'll try to demonstrate why you should avoid 3 Ninjas Kick Back like North Korea (perhaps not coincidentally, this movie is beloved by Kim Jong Un). Nothing works here. These children are not ninja. They are karate kids. Ninjas are trained silent assassins and they don't have competition tournaments for high schoolers. Then there's the dagger- Nope. I can't. I hate this movie so much that I am going to drink strychnine and think about how I've disappointed my father once again as I drift off to eternal damnation. See you in a minute, Satan. Oh? You hate this movie too? It's banned in Hell? Sweet!

Yeah, it's a don't.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:2-star
Cheesy effects:0-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Ridiculous stunts:2-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:0-star
Nonsensical Plot:3-star


Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 2-star
Bad Movie Quality:2-star

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Saturday, 13 April 2024

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