Back in 1981, Disney tried to gift the world with a live-action version of a comic-book character, and failed miserably. But their mistake is our great reward as Condorman sweeps through the show. We are giddy with excitement.
Emo-Man - You gain powers based on your emotional state, ie angry you get hulky, peaceful you get zenlike, sad you can shoot water out your eyes, horny you get smelly genitals....
Condorman was one of several films that changed the way that the Walt Disney Company would release films. With other stalwart failures such as The Black Hole, executives thought that attaching the Disney tag to anything remotely adult was a kiss of death. Though Condorman was aimed at all audiences it was really only beloved by 8 year olds. Eventually, 3 years later, Disney would form the Touchstone label for it’s adult oriented releases. Tragically the films wouldn’t be as imaginative as those that came before the label. The first film released under the tag was Splash. Stinker Madness did an episode on Splash, though I am not sure why we did it you should go back and listen to it, 3 times. Another favorite of the Touchstone line was Stakeout with Driefus and Emilio. When I watched Stakeout with my dad, firstly I asked him why he was in movies and he didn’t tell me, and secondly, about halfway through the film I asked him when the steaks were coming into play.
The title role goes to actor, singer and comedian, Michael Crawford. Who? Well he was in The Knack… And How to Get It, which I didn’t like. In this film I don’t remember him singing, though I can’t speak to him being funny or doing any fine acting either. He seems like he is pitching soap in an infomercial for the first 20 minutes of the movie.
Crawford is paired with Bond Girl and possible cause for the American semen shortage of the early 80s, Barbara Carrera. Beyond this she was in Never Say Never Again as well as Lone wolf McQuade and Dallas. If you look her up on the internet you will find a lot of pictures of her very, very wet.
Oliver Reed remains to this day just as useful after lunch as he was when he was alive. Before lunch he was a consummate professional and a real fucking asshole. At one point during the filming, he felt Barbara Carrera was being too wooden and didn’t think she looked scared enough in the helicopter scene. He remedied this by opening the door of the helicopter on an ad-lib and threatening to throw her out and splatter her all over the earth. She looked scared then. He also got piss drunk and through one of his costumes out in the ocean the night before filming. The production manager had to row out and get it. I think I really would have liked to hang out with this guy.
Other notables appearing in this film are James Hampton from Teenwolf and Dana Elcar from MacGyver. Now James Hampton, spoiler alert, is the father in Teenwolf not the wiener at the end. Dana Elcar is Pete, head of the Phoenix Foundation, a foundation formed by MacGyver, who is not the head of it. Formed to do things that didn’t require paperwork and red tape, which is why Pete is there, to handle all the paperwork and red tape.
KAEOF: A bad cocktail. What you think the silliest thing that happens is. And keep an ear out for the gripping theme composed by Henry Mancini.