EasyBlog

Become a Patron!

Repo Jake is more like Limpy Tube Steak! Sorry to all who also have limpy tube steaks.

Become a Patron!

"The Sword of the Valiant" is a 1984 movie that attempted to adapt the timeless Arthurian legend into a cinematic experience. Unfortunately, this adaptation falls far short of capturing the magic and wonder of the source material. Here's why this film left me thoroughly disappointed:

Become a Patron!

"High Spirits" (1988) is a film that promised so much with its intriguing premise but ultimately delivered so little. This supposed comedy is nothing more than a dull and groan-inducing exercise in wasted potential.

Become a Patron!

Who knew that watching people gas up their cars could be such a bland experience?

"Gas Pump Girls" (1979) is a film that perfectly encapsulates the epitome of mindless cinema. From its ridiculous plot to its gratuitous nudity, this movie is a prime example of how a potentially entertaining concept can be utterly wasted in practice.

Become a Patron!

Trumpy finally hits the show and the dirt at the same time. Rick says, "It stinks!" Who asked you, Rick?

Buckle up, space cadets, because "Extraterrestrial Visitors" (or should I say "Pod People") is a journey to the outer reaches of hilarity and absurdity that you won't soon forget! This gem of a film from 1980 takes you on a rollercoaster ride through a galaxy of Trumpy superpowers, dialogue that's more out of this world than the aliens themselves, and a plot that's so poorly thought out, you'll wonder if they were abducted by confusion.

Let's start with the MVP of the movie: Trumpy, the otherworldly being with powers so astonishingly baffling that even the laws of physics scratch their heads. Forget about your typical superhero abilities – flight, super strength, and invisibility – Trumpy can do it all and more. From making toys levitate to turning plants into miniature disco balls (who knew flora loved to boogie?), Trumpy's talents defy explanation almost as much as the plot itself.

Become a Patron!

Eastwood and Sheen team-up to accomplish....nothing really. Its maybe the worst written movie we've done and that includes M. Knight Shamalamadingdong stuff.

Let's start with the positives, shall we? The stunts in this movie are so over-the-top, I suspect the entire budget went into explosions and car chases. It's like they set a new record for the most pyrotechnics used in a single film! If you're in the mood for gratuitous action that defies all laws of physics, "The Rookie" delivers like a pizza on a Friday night.

Become a Patron!

Michelle Bauer stalks around LA in slinky outfits on a quest....for blood! Words, don't fail me now.

One of the highlights of "The Tomb" is its nostalgic charm. The film exudes the distinct '80s vibe, complete with cheesy practical effects, low-budget sets, and a synthesizer-heavy soundtrack with corny beats and crummy lyrics that is very Fred Olen Ray. 

Become a Patron!

Michael Ransom is back but this time he's Brent Huff. Yet he manages to do all the same stuff as Reb Brown and adds on Indiana Jones to his abilities.

So this is an odd version of the "idiot plot". Yes it qualifies because the movie can't happen unless everyone is an idiot. But it gets weirder than that with Michael Ransom's (Brent Huff) actions. All you have to do is plant the slightest seed in Ransom's mind of something and the guy goes for it. Not only goes for it, but goes WAY overboard for it. Consider the beginning when he's told that his former commander, Vic Jenkins (played by a very out of water Richard Harris) is not dead as reported in the news and that the CIA is involved. Well instead of going through proper channels and just asking what the story is, he busts in to the office of the CIA handler and busts his family photo in his face. Maybe start with just asking questions. I mean the guy even had an appointment to meet with him. That meeting ends with a judo chop to the back.

Become a Patron!

John Voight leads an idiot plot that ends with him being covered in goo but getting to be featured as the star of a documentary filmed by people he tried to kill. Snakes on a boat!

Let's face it: "Anaconda" is not meant to be a serious film. It shamelessly embraces its own absurdity, delivering a rollercoaster of ridiculousness that CAN leave you grinning.

Become a Patron!

Insurance fraud goes awry when The Kraken pulls down the might Argonautica and Treat Williams flies through the Death Star explosion.

This movie is an absolute gem that will have you on the edge of your seat... with laughter! Picture this: a luxury cruise ship on a routine trip, a group of quirky mercenaries, a humongous tentacled monster, and chaos that ensues. If that doesn't pique your interest, I don't know what will!

Become a Patron!

Bruno Mattei and Reb Brown team up to give us an unintentionally hilarious and 80's staples full action movie. Danton better watch out.

Prepare yourself for a wild ride of explosive action and over-the-top hilarity with the 1987 cult classic, "Strike Commando." Starring Reb Brown, this cheesy and hilarious gem is an absolute blast from start to finish, delivering an unforgettable experience that will leave you grinning from ear to ear.

Become a Patron!

Terry Hogan finds himself in need of rescue from VR torture by a group of precocious scamps who discover they love the smell of burning man flesh.

First things first, let's talk about Hulk Hogan's acting prowess. Or lack thereof. His line delivery is about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face, and his attempts at emotional depth are about as convincing as a toupee made of spaghetti. But hey, we're not here for Oscar-worthy performances, right?

Become a Patron!

A team of treasure hunters find themselves facing off against cannabalistic mole-men, dinosaurs and a busty alien queen who just wants to find nice man and murder everyone else.

Directed by the one and only Fred Olen Rey and featuring the fabulous Sybil Danning, this movie is an absolute blast of a mess from start to finish. Phantom Empire is like a mashup of every wacky idea that a group of friends could come up with during a late-night brainstorming session. It's got everything you could ever imagine: treasure, spaceships, robots, dinosaurs and even an underground civilization! Talk about a buffet of awesomeness.

Become a Patron!

Denise Richards rides on the back of a mechanical dino housing Paul Walker's brain. Well that sound preposterous! Well it is and its great.

Tammy and the T-Rex steps in as a refreshing breath of absurdity and pure entertainment. This 1994 masterpiece (yes, masterpiece!) takes a giant leap away from the conventional somber depths of remakes of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, instead bringing us a low-budget, high-energy romp that defies all logic and embraces its own delightful brand of ridiculousness.

Become a Patron!

It's a movie that made me wish I had the power of a mermaid so I could go heal the pain from watching it.

First of all, the plot is all over the place. It's like the writers couldn't decide if they wanted to make a historical drama or a cheesy fantasy movie, so they just threw everything together and hoped for the best. The result? A confusing mess that made me want to pull my hair out. Speaking of hair, let's talk about Pierce Brosnan's.

Become a Patron!

Oh boy, where do I even begin with "Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity"? This movie is a wild and bizarre ride from start to finish, and I mean that in the best way possible. From the cheesy special effects to the over-the-top acting, this sci-fi adventure flick is a non-stop riff ride that will keep you laughing and entertained the whole way through.

Become a Patron!

Hold on to your black belts, folks, because "American Ninja 5" is the ultimate karate kick to the face of movie-making! It's so ridiculous, it's actually kind of hilarious.

Become a Patron!

Growing Pain's Mike Seaver, marries his daughter, punches a cop and takes down a very dumb serial killer with dubious intent. Sounds fun...its not.

Night Game is a disappointing thriller that fails to live up to its potential. The film follows a detective named Mike Seaver who investigates a series of murders that occur during Houston Astros' home night games when a particular relief pitcher gets a win.

Become a Patron!

Ray Liotta is one tough guy and he'll let you know about it. Its The Running Man meets Lord of the Flies and I don't think I asked for it.

So its an interesting idea for a film at this point in time. Ray Liotta wants an action role. Fine. So he's a former military hero who received a life sentence after killing his superior officer who made him do bad things. He's sent to a penal colony but is just too much of a headache so they ship him off to a tropical island paradise. Huh. There he must choose sides between the Outsiders (raiders in Fallout 4) and the Insiders (settlers in Fallout 4). He's poopy about both so instead he tries to figure a way off the paradise island to go back to the dystopian mainland because....he's poopy? I don't know or understand him.

Become a Patron!

That time your fiancé turned into a goop monster and had to kill people to stay ungoopy long enough for you to do it for the first time and then kill him.

I mean, there's just that much to see here. This guy moves into an apartment only to be invited to eat some goop and then turn into goop because the spirit of a Jim Jones guy lives in the goop and splits control over your body. He then threatens you (astral interior(ly), its a thing) to turn you into goop unless you satisfy his bloodlust and kill some bums and hookers. Pretty standard stuff here. Oh wait, everyone else in the apartment building has to do the same thing. Oh, and you've got a pesky 22 year old virgin girlfriend sniffing around/wanting to bang on your super gross mattress (it was gross before you became a goop monster, so....I think that's her fault? No its yours). That's nothing really that weird right?