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Candyman

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Freddy Krueger he is not. What the Candyman actually is and how he works is as big of a mystery as Amelia Earnhardt's disappearance. Nothing makes sense!

What is Candyman? Well we know that he was murdered for the mistake of being born black. Ok, so he comes back as the spirit of racial injustice vengeance? Nope. The person he kills that drives the narrative is an impoverished black woman. Ok. Well what else? They murdered him by covering him in honey and bees stung him to death and he seems to have a real affinity for the buzzy bugs. So is he bees? Maybe, but if he's bees then why isn't other Candymen (yes there are other Candymen as shown in the ending) also bees? Nope. Only he's bees. He also poops bees and actual poop which is pretty weird.

The most baffling thing about Candyman is his modus operandi. Call him 5 times in the mirror and he murders you? Nope. Our protagonist, Helen (Virginia Madsen) does that and she doesn't get killed by him. One of his murders is just busting into a ladies apartment uninvited. Another time he chopped a kid's weiner off for peeing in the wrong toilet. Helen summons him and he kills some other guy. Nothing tracks. As silly as Freddy is at times, he's one thing - consistent if nothing else. Candyman is all over the place. 

Seriously ask yourself what the plot is. Put its attempts at social commentary, its brilliant soundtrack and the exceptional gift that is Tony Todd aside and tell me what this movie is about? Is it a forlorn love story in the same vein as The Mummy Returns? Is it about reincarnation due to horrible circumstances? Is it about the propagation of urban legends and the effects of myth on reality?

While all the surrounding elements distract you into thinking this is some high brow horror film with subtext and production of the Oscars - you're missing it. Candyman isn't about any of those things. Just because you talk about gentrification, racial injustice, privilege, and urban folklore doesn't mean your film is about those things. Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. Its a movie that takes place at Christmas. I won't be bent on that just because you want to have an excuse to watch it instead of Its a Wonderful Life.

I could take it or leave it. I understand it has its fun moments and one can argue its thought provoking but to me its just a muddled mess of a film on top of another film like a crappy painting covering up a good one.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:2-star
Cheesy effects:2-star
Horrendous acting:2-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:2-star
Ridiculous stunts:1-star
Gratuitous nudity:3-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star
Nonsensical Plot:5-star

Riffability:3-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 4-star
Bad Movie Quality:5-star

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Saturday, 04 December 2021

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