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The Last Shark

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When you gotta remake a Jaws movie, make sure to remake Jaws II, cause you really can't screw it up and here's exhibit A. Expect many exploding dummies, strange sequences and terrible models.

In grand 70s/80s Italian film tradition, we've got a direct ripoff of both Quint from Jaws and the plot of Jaws II. In further grand tradition, we've got terrible voice-over, ridiculous action sequences, inept heroes, questionable film ethics, and nonsensical characters. But what really makes The Last Shark shine is the little things.

From the start with a very laboring windsurfer, to DJ Exposition, to the daughter's strange habit of falling out of boats, and her mom's absolute lack of care the movie features little non-plot vignettes that leave the viewer thinking about them more than they think about how awful the shark looks - and the shark looks terrible.

Let's talk about the shark though (whom we've dubbed Ultimo) - he not only looks terrible but he's a very strange shark. It seems he has two primary "shark moves" - exploding people into the air and just putting his face up above the water as if to say "Hey look at me! I'm a damn shark!". He also employs traps and uses bait. Pretty sure sharks don't do that. When it does come time for him to bite some people, he usually starts with the feet and has a habit of not finishing his dinners. Ultimo is the second best shark of all time (when it comes to being crappy) and is an absolute treat. All Jaws ripoffs should learn a thing from Ultimo.

It's not the best crappy shark movie, but it's still a really great ride and is perfect for a group of riffers.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:3-star
Cheesy effects:4-star
Horrendous acting:3-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:4-star
Ridiculous stunts:2-star
Gratuitous nudity:1-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star
Nonsensical Plot:2-star

Riffability:5-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:7-star

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Thursday, 13 August 2020

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