The King's Daughter

Become a Patron!

It's a movie that made me wish I had the power of a mermaid so I could go heal the pain from watching it.

First of all, the plot is all over the place. It's like the writers couldn't decide if they wanted to make a historical drama or a cheesy fantasy movie, so they just threw everything together and hoped for the best. The result? A confusing mess that made me want to pull my hair out. Speaking of hair, let's talk about Pierce Brosnan's.

I don't know what's going on with his hair in this movie, but it looks like a wig made out of cotton candy. It's distracting and honestly, it's hard to take anything he says seriously when I'm busy wondering if he's going to start shedding pink sugar all over the set. Maybe that's why his character is always scowling - he knows his hair looks ridiculous.

The acting isn't any better. The cast is filled with talented actors, but they all seem like they're phoning it in. I'm pretty sure I saw William Hurt dozing off in one scene. Can you blame him, though? The script is so bad that it feels like they wrote it on the back of a napkin during a lunch break.

So, if you're looking for a movie to watch when you're feeling down and you want to feel even worse, "The King's Daughter" is the perfect choice. Just make sure you have some cotton candy on hand to distract yourself from Pierce Brosnan's hair.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:
Cheesy effects:
Horrendous acting:
Laugh-out-loud-ability:
Ridiculous stunts:
Gratuitous nudity:
Memorable one-liners:
Nonsensical Plot:

Riffability:

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality:
Bad Movie Quality: