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The Forbidden Dance

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Want to save the environment but are only a Brazilian princess? Well, show off your pretend dance craze skills on American Bandstand! So long, climate crisis! The merengue is coming for you.

So what you've got here is a basket of terrible sequences from the minds of Meneham Golen and Greydon Clark. As the pair rushed the film out in just 56 weeks (from concept to release) in order to hedge their bets against Yorum Globus' Lambada (which released on the same day), what was given to the public was exactly what it deserved. See the lambada was no such dance craze as we've been told. It was a made up craze, likely pushed by the Cannon Group boys so that they could sell tickets to, you guessed it, these two movies. You show us evidence of there being a lambada fervor pre-1990 and we'll eat our shoulder-pad shirts. So yeah, suckers, you bought into some baloney dance fad, you get this thinly put together film in return!

However, what The Forbidden Dance actually is, well... it's stinker classic and cult worthy. I can imagine that most might be scared off by the idea of watching a danceical, but as evidenced by Breakin' 2 and The Apple, anyone associated with Cannon Group is capable of blowing your mind with the movie surrounding the often terrible dancing and music (with the exception of 1/3 of the scenes in Breakin' 2). Every sequence in this film could be a highlight reel for Up All Night and Rifftrax. Especially any scene with the atrociously terrible Jeff James (its not totally his fault, his character is a 28 year old man-baby who lives off the teet of mommie's wallet).

Just think about the premise here: an American mega-corporation wants to burn the Amazon down (so they can sell ash?) despite a tribe of "Indians" (you racist bastards! They aren't even in North America!!!) living in their destruction zone. The tribe's princess is the only one who can save them (she speaks English) so she hops a flight to LA to try to convince "the Chairman" (of the Board of Directors?) to stop the burning. He isn't in today so instead she forgets about all that stuff and gets a job as a maid, where she seduces said man-baby with her sexy tribal dance rituals/masturbation. After a brief courting period, they team up to lambada their way onto national TV to bring awareness of the Amazon to children who don't do grocery shopping. The only thing stopping them? The evil corp's main hencher, Richard GD Lynch along with man-baby's ex-girlfriend.

Now try to write a movie around that premise that ISN'T going to be awesome. We'll wait.

From start to finish, The Forbidden Dance is a riffer's paradise and ROFL full. Don't be scared off by the danceical. There's very little dancing in it and when its there, its laughable. It's an absolute blast and a total do from us.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:2-star
Cheesy effects:0-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:4-star
Ridiculous stunts:0-star
Gratuitous nudity:1-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star
Nonsensical Plot:5-star

Riffability:5-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:7-star

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Comments 2

Guest - Clauzy on Saturday, 31 July 2021 09:27


If you like bad films, cult classics, B-movies or Hollywood blockbusters that turned out to be awful shlocks then this podcast is definitely for you. You might even learn a thing or two along this epic journey of 400+ episodes, like your all time favourite movie isn't actually that good and these guys will prove it to you. They will keep you laughing and entertained, all while giving you the feeling of sitting with them in their own living room or dungeon... wherever the recording is done.
A self confessed crier not fighter, the host with the most Justin will keep the show on track, his eye for flaws in a movie is uncanny and when he gets excited he breaks out his inner John Candy. Insightful background info or boring bullshit as they call it, comes from Sam with his laidback Bill Paxton-esque attitude that blends perfectly with hyper-active Justin, creating a dynamic that Batman & Robin would be proud of (Not the 1997 movie, that actually does stink). Last but definitely not least the irresistible, whacky Jackie who throws out comments like a crazy cat-lady, as care free as Kathleen Turner and the voice to match... Well nearly. She tests the patients of the other two which just adds to the complete brilliance of this podcast. Maybe I'm just talking a load of horse s##t just like these three amigos, either way 5 stars all the way and always remember to "Get to da Chopper."

If you like bad films, cult classics, B-movies or Hollywood blockbusters that turned out to be awful shlocks then this podcast is definitely for you. You might even learn a thing or two along this epic journey of 400+ episodes, like your all time favourite movie isn't actually that good and these guys will prove it to you. They will keep you laughing and entertained, all while giving you the feeling of sitting with them in their own living room or dungeon... wherever the recording is done. A self confessed crier not fighter, the host with the most Justin will keep the show on track, his eye for flaws in a movie is uncanny and when he gets excited he breaks out his inner John Candy. Insightful background info or boring bullshit as they call it, comes from Sam with his laidback Bill Paxton-esque attitude that blends perfectly with hyper-active Justin, creating a dynamic that Batman & Robin would be proud of (Not the 1997 movie, that actually does stink). Last but definitely not least the irresistible, whacky Jackie who throws out comments like a crazy cat-lady, as care free as Kathleen Turner and the voice to match... Well nearly. She tests the patients of the other two which just adds to the complete brilliance of this podcast. Maybe I'm just talking a load of horse s##t just like these three amigos, either way 5 stars all the way and always remember to "Get to da Chopper."
Stinker Madness on Saturday, 31 July 2021 14:15


Wise words, my friend.

:o Wise words, my friend.
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Monday, 27 September 2021

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