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Teen Witch

Teen Witch
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Hang on to your eye of newt and your spider legs! You're about to drink a powerful witch's brew of bad movie business. Betrayal, conceit, lust, and greed take over this week in a trip back to the 80's. You're going to be the most popular girl!

This movie is nanners. It seems amazingly offensive to just about any group of people in the world, including females, teenagers, morals, parents, teachers and probably even witches. The witch trials were a better era for witches than Teen Witch. The movie is about an unpopular girl in high school who uses magic powers to win the heart of a statutory rapist, in the process ruins the life of her friends and family. She's an awful person. Her beau is about the biggest b-hole in the world so they may be perfect for each other but combined they are like Stalin marrying Lizzie Borden. Pure evil!

Most people will note this film for its horrible music. Rap battles, cheer songs about boys, on stage performances from a Sheena-E knockoff, the list goes on. The interesting thing about the music is the sheer volume which lends this film to be considered a musical, however we can't agree because each of the musical sequances take place in the reality of the world and the world is presented as if it is our world. I think these musical pieces aren't there for pure entertainment like true musicals do; they are there because they are part of the characters life. It's pretty weird. However, each musical number is purely ridiculous and can each be viewed on their own for their LOL-ability.

This is truly a bad movie. The irony is that in its offensiveness it brings together people of all genders, races, creeds, and colors in the level of enjoyment of how bad it is. If everyone in the world enjoyed bad movies as much as we do, this film would be the primary force for world peace. It transcends bad. It's story is as preposterous as The Room, the pure 80s garbage as Milli Vanilli, yet as enjoyable as tough guy bad movies as Deathrace 2000, Invasion USA and Hard Target. Teen Witch is a must see for any movie fan.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:0-star
Cheesy effects:3-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Ridiculous stunts:0-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:4-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:8-star

Prelude to Deathrace 2000
Prelude to Teen Witch

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Comments 1

Guest - English Major on Saturday, 15 October 2016 18:52

The poet mentioned in the first classroom scene is John Donne, a real and very influential English poet contemporary to Shakespeare.

The poet mentioned in the first classroom scene is John Donne, a real and very influential English poet contemporary to Shakespeare.
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Saturday, 24 February 2024

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