Rock of Ages

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Lets put a terrible cast with no professional singing experience around a terrible script all while performing some of the worst music ever recorded. Time for Stinker Madness to step on some hair metal feelers.

Now don't go storming the capital, but the late 80's hair metal/butt rock genre is a bunch of garbage. Which is fine. But this movie isn't. It's garbage. Nothing can be forgiven here, such as a time and place that the Sunset Blvd rock scene was all about in the late 80's. This is just nostalgia for a time when being a terrible person was celebrated. And it sucks.

Its way too long. Has too many songs in it. Too many sub-plots. Too much "general audiences" editing. And too much people feeling sorry for themselves. 

The performances are horrible. No one here (with the exception of Mary J. Blige whom you just feel bad for) has any vocal talent showcased by the lead Julianne Hough with her faux Britney Spears nasal whine. I will give everyone a little credit because Baldwin, Brand, Cruise and Ackerman have no business being in a musical and it's clear they did their very best. No one muddles through. Ok maybe Baldwin who clearly didn't want to be there. 

Go see a Baz Luhrmann movie and then nail your head to the floor instead.

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