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Go to a beach resort and find yourself craving Worther's and looking for the Ben Gay. M. Knight is back on the podcast for another chapter in his nonsensical filmography.

So if you saw any trailer for this movie (see above) you already know the hook and most of the plot. You might expect some big twist considering the director and there is one but its very small and doesn't really change much so we're going to not worry about it very much here. What we are going to worry about is the incredibly stupid and nonsensical plot of being trapped somewhere that makes you age rapidly (50 years in 24 hours to be precise). Let me start by saying that there are plot holes big enough to drive a truck through. Some of that is physics based, some of that is "well we can't put that in a movie", but the biggie is that it breaks its own rules, which is a staple for M. Night Shyamalan.

At one point a character (a hemophiliac who has a nose bleed for unknown reasons) gets cut on the cheek only to have it heal immediately. Ok fine. Rules of the movie is that you get Wolverine's healing factor along with speed ageing. But just a few scenes later the same character is stabbed and doesn't heal. He dies. Ok, well maybe the stab wounds are too deep? No as evidenced by emergency surgery performed that has such quick healing they have to pull the flesh apart so that it can't heal before the operation is done. So this guy ain't dead. Later a man dies by tetanus - except tetanus is a bacteria. Fine, except nothing lives on this island because it can't reproduce fast enough. The rusty knife would have just been that - an oxidized iron covered blade that would have the same rules as the other healing. Then there's the mass problem that they barely try to fix inside the film with dialogue. The children grow to adulthood. Say that they put on 100 pounds on the low end in 24 hours. Well they eat alot, I guess (seems like they were busy doing other stuff to eat but whatever) In order to put on that 100 pounds they don't just have to eat 100 pounds of food - the body isn't that efficient. We do something everyday that is a source of great comedy for this podcast - pooping. We only absorb a fraction of our food and the rest goes out the backend. So they'd have to bring about 500 pounds of food per child (they don't) and then you've got a huge waste problem..... like 400 pounds of crap huge. Then there's periods, menopause, teeth, nails and hair (movie's explaination doesn't work here) and decomposition (no bacteria or ooey gooeys to eat your bod, right?). And there's probably quite a few we missed.

BUT that's not the only problem here - the acting is pretty terrible. The dialogue is atrocious. And some of the "horror" comes off as ridiculously funny.

Despite all this, it may be Shyamalan's best made movie. If you're into plot holes then its a do for you, but the masses should probably skip it.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:1-star
Cheesy effects:1-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:3-star
Ridiculous stunts:0-star
Gratuitous nudity:1-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star
Nonsensical Plot:4-star

Riffability:3-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:5-star

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Friday, 01 March 2024

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