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Days of Thunder

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When the people ask for a Top Gun sequel they get it! Only this one has NASCAR instead of fighter jets and Kelly McGillis gets to be replaced by the quite unhappy wife of the lead actor. Replace Tom Skeritt with a Robert Duvall and put him in a foot race with Tom Cruises and you've got Top Gun 2: Days of Thunder.

While it's just a sequel to arguably the buttest of all movies, Days of Thunder is a lot more fun. It's super dumb, of course, and fairly low on action, it's still a whole lot of fun to riff with how piss poor the script is. It's all fun and games here but if you really think about any single event of this movie you can start punching about fifty holes into each scene.

So while it stars Tom Cruises, who is despicable in 99% of his films, and Jerry Bruckheimer produced it (with Don Simpson), it's still a pretty fun time on the revisit. I would suggest getting some good riffers around you though when you do so. It's not great, but its clearly the best Jerry Bruckheimer movie we've reviewed.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:2-star
Cheesy effects:2-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Ridiculous stunts:0-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:3-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 4-star
Bad Movie Quality:6-star

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

About Days of Thunder - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bull Shit

The story of Days of Thunder is the story of a film fueled by excess and throbbing hard-ons. This film will reunite the dream team of Don Simpson, Jerry Bruckheimer, Tony Scott and Tom Cruise. I am sure these guys all got pretty hard dicks when they were making a movie about flying penises, I mean jets, but the access they were given to the driving penises, I mean race cars, is what most likely caused the hard-ons to actually start calling the shots. Simpson and Bruckheimer opened a gym/office called Days of Thunder for the movie that reportedly cost 400k, they did this for the sole purpose of babe recruitment. Tom Cruise reportedly hand picked Kidman, and we know where that went. Cruise also reportedly picked Whitesnake to do the movie song, a band that is named after the singer’s penis. Robert Towne, famed writer of Chinatown, even fell victim to walking hard-on syndrome. His erection oldly revolved around erecting barns. He had two separate barns built for the ever important barn scenes. He didn’t like either one of the barns so the ever important barn scenes became a lot less important. Director Tony Scott most likely lost his boner rather early as the other boners were doing so much raging. Towne, who by all rights should know better than to be on set “helping”, is just the tip of the iceberg, or boner. Beyond his barn raisings Don Simpson, who originally cast himself in a big role, was showing up daily with new ideas. Cruise was running his own picture the whole time as well. There were many days (of thunder) where nothing got shot. It was said to be like a movie production with four months of vacation built in. It got so bad that the production manager almost got fired for trying to kick Simpson and Bruckheimer of the set. Eventually when the film was about a month from release and when watching a working print of the film, it was noticed that several of the most important shots were decidedly missing. Scott was then allowed to finish making the movie in a real hurry. Reportedly pickups were being shot until two weeks before the release prints shipped.  The strangest thing about the production chaos is that after all of these “new ideas”, it is the exact same movie as Top Gun, The Color of Money and Cocktail. Raging Boners hamstrung the production of the same movie Tommy just made 3 fucking times. I guess this one did have driving penises, which are super distracting to walking penises.

Cool as Ice

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Monday, 26 February 2024

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