Condorman
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Disney bungles a live-action version of a cartoon with the least believable action star that has ever delved into the spy/superhero game. But add one of the raddest car chases, laser turret boats, rocket powered zip lines, and the worst costume you've ever seen and you've got one of the best early 80's turds to ever grace the screen. Wahoo!

The movie follows Woody who is the graphic artist behind the Condorman comic book frachise. Woody foolishly stumbles into a Soviet defection mission for the CIA and must employ the skills of his creation to help the beautiful and mysterious Natalia escape from the villainous Krakov and his right hand man, Morovitch and his team of skilled killers. You can use that if you'd like IMDB.

Michael Crawford's Woody is seriously one of the strangest casting decisions. Yes he's goofy and bumbling but at the same point is completely devoid of charm. Yet he's so unlikable that he becomes likable. It also seems like they gave him teeth extensions and raised the octave of his voice by a factor of 2. The rest of the cast does a fine job including a clearly drunk Oliver Reed.

The car sequence is the reason everyone shows up to this film though. While the Condormobile may be incalculably stupid looking, the things this car can do...whew. The sequence is so rad that we all truly believe that The Fast and the Furious used it as inspiration for Dom's team of skilled driver, bad guys. Come for the goofy, stay for the car chase.

In the end, there is no way that Condorman could have been successful. It is just too goofy. But its beautiful in its likability. It's a fairly safe bet and a great film to share with your children when its time. We love it.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:4-star
Cheesy effects:3-star
Horrendous acting:3-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:3-star
Ridiculous stunts:2-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star
Riffability:4-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 4-star
Bad Movie Quality:7-star