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Presented by Nursenaries, for when you want your live-in care provider to be an ex-ass-kicking gun for hire. Kaboom, Grandpa!
This week we are turning to Netflix for the Christopher Olen Ray action lady team-up Mercenaries (Netflix Link), starring Cynthia Rothrock, Zoe Bell, Kristanna Loken, Vivica A. Fox, Bridgitte Nielsen and Nicole Bilderback. It's an Asylum film so we are a little nervous about it...
Netflix Do's and Don'ts
Whatcho Talkin' Bout, Willis?
Must haves for a movie mercenary
About Mercenaries - Movie Information
Sam's Boring Bullshit
Directed by Christopher Olen Ray. Yes … Son of Olen Ray. His films include Asteroid vs Earth, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, and Almighty Thor. He is a frequent collaborator with one Richard Grieco. Born in 1978, he started his film career in 1978 by playing baby Christopher in Brain Leeches by Fred Olen Ray. He owns a Thundercats t-shirt. 12 directorial credits and 23 various producer credits since 2008. He doesn’t seem to post much on Facebook. Because he’s too busy fuckin workin.
Writer Edward DeRuiter pulls a double duty by playing Vez. He also wrote many other shitty films such as Battle of Los Angeles. Yes they made a mockbuster of that movie. He also wrote the really shitty looking 3 Musketeers movie that is on the Netflix queue that we keep avoiding.
The film stars:
- Zoe Bell; stuntman woman turned action man woman; man she’s a woman.
- Kristina Loken; AKA the fake Robert Patrick who is not as fast and has boobs.
- Vivica A. Fox; who prior to being a stereotype in ID4 was in an episode of Matlock.
- Bridgitte Nielson; who most likely had sex with Flava-Flav, and certainly had sex with Sylvester Stallone.
- Cynthia Rothrock; multi-champion of something that looks like semaphore, and not champion of crying on screen.
- Nichole Bilderback; who is Asian so she does kick boxing, but also jazz tap.
- Alexis Raich; who is a child actress who has an IMDB picture that freaks me the fuck out. I am pretty sure she is a gelfling.