Presented by "I Know Who My Agent Is" the horror film that only scares Hollywood. An agent sets out to kill Lindsey Lohan, Paul Giamatti and Will Smith's careers. The horror!
Jackie brings in another multi-Razzie winner, with 8 wins, including Worst Actress and Worst Picture. It's the Lohan, starring in her first role as a crack whore but refuses to take her top off. Can it possibly be worse than Wicker Man?
The film was directed by Chris Sivertson, who co-directed the somewhat popular All Cheerleaders Must Die. It would seem Sivertson likes movie titles which are sentences. Sivertson also directed a making of Toby Hooper’s Toolbox Murders.I haven’t seen any of this shit because it isn’t my bag.This film held the record for most Razzies, winning 8 of 9 nominations. Sandler’s opus, Jack and Jill broke the record held by this film. Jack and Jill won 10 Razzies.Subsequently this film has gathered a cult following and has screened consistently since it’s completion. It has been compared to some of the seminal works of the psychological horror/thriller genre. We will be tasked to find out whether or not it is. Sisters and Body Double, by DePalma, as well as the works of David Lynch have been some of the favorable comparisons. The less than favorable comparisons would be other films that won that many Razzies, like Showgirls and Battlefield Earth, which this won more than. The Score by Jole McNeely has been universally praised.The McNeely Tyson fight, as well as McNeely VS the pizza have been universally panned.
Lindsay Lohan, right now for the first time in 8 years is not on probation. I have little room to talk. We all know about the Lohan.For the first time in the history of Sam’s Boring Bullshit, I will do no further research, at least as it pertains to Lindsay Lohan.I am going to report rumors that I remember. I heard she bangs dudes. She was in a movie with Charlie Sheen once. She probably banged him. When she was on the set of the Herbie The Love Bug movie, it is possibly reported by someone that I sort of remember, that she developed tensions with Herbie because he found her sexual tendencies to be in excess of his German values. I am pretty sure I saw her box come out when she was either getting in or out of a car. Jamie Lee Curtis, on the set of Freaky Friday, had to tell her to stop bogarting the vodka. When she died her hair blond I thought Hillary Duff got addicted to heroin and dongs.
Lindsay, if you're out there, you can dispute any of these or any other unmade claims by taking me out to dinner. I heard you like giving rim jobs. I will let you give me a rim job after dinner, but then I will kick you out because you’re gross and my butt is icky. If you don’t give me a rim job you will pass the test and then be allowed to take me to dinner again. After three dinners, I will make sex to you, provided you have left me with a positive impression. If we get married I will let you give me a rim job. I won’t talk to you for like a week afterward, but I will let you do it.
Shay Aster, Leslie Cohen, Dan Walters, and Clint Johnson all ended up on the cutting room floor.
There are a cavalcade of people who made the cut, the only one worth mentioning is Neal McDonough.