Prelude to Glitter

It's time for Jackie to choose another Razzie winning and highly nominated "musical". In 2001, men in ties decided to crap in our ears and eyes as the allow Mariah Carey to create her own movie about her career (sorta). Get ready for gluch....

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

• The Curse of Sleeping Beauty - Netflix

Justin's Top 5 80's Action Guys!

5. Kurt Russell - Escape from LA, The Thing, Big Trouble, Tango & Cash
4. Chuck Norris - Delta Force, Firewalker, Invasion USA, Lone Wolf McQuade
3. Jackie Chan - Project A, Meals on Wheels, Police Story, Armour of God
2. Sly Stallone - All Rambos, Rocky IV, Cobra, Tango & Cash
1. Arnold Schwarzenegger - Conan, Commando, Predator, Running Man

Here's who is NOT on the list:

1. Bruce Willis - Blow Hard IV - I'm a douchebag
2. Mel Gibson - Being in a film franchise where you make quirky faces and deliver lines at the speed Robin Williams tells jokes doesn't qualify as action guy.
3. Carl Weathers - Action Jackson's lack of action is an instant out - nice backflip over a car though.
4. Sigourney Weaver - Aliens is a shitty sequel and that's all she did.

Honorable mentions

• Sonny Landham
• Cynthia Rothrock
• Bill Duke
• Sho Kosugi

Wild Card - Who would win in a knife fight?

• The Last Unicorn vs. Falcor the luck dragon

About Glitter - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Since the early 90's, Mariah Carey has captivated the hearts and boners of teenage boys. In 2001, she decided to pull one of the grandest heists in all of history when she decided to simultaneously rob all of our spank banks with the release of Glitter. The film was apparently Carey’s brain child and she had been pushing the movie all about her and sparkles from early 1997. If we all recall the Mariah Carey hospitalization from exhaustion, which I didn’t, it delayed the release of the film by three weeks, which ultimately couldn’t have hurt the grosses as much as the film itself. It does have it’s fans though.  John Wilson, the progenitor of the Golden Raspberry included this in his book of 100 most enjoyable bad films. Only Carey won a Razzie however. Freddy Got Fingered won the majority of the Razzies that year. Carey’s boobs even lost worst on screen couple to Tom Green and any animal he was abusing. 2001 was apparently a dark year in filmmaking history as films such as 3000 Miles to Graceland, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Swordfish, Pearl Harbor, and Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles were unable to make it past the Razzie nomination stage due to Driven the aforementioned FGF, Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes and this pile of crap.

Glitter was helmed by Vondie Curtis Hall, who is possibly most recognizable as playing Marvel crossover character Ben Urich, which he first portrayed in the Netflix original, Daredevil. What most people, including myself, would be surprised by is that Hall has directed more movies post Glitter than before. One would think that involvement with such a picture would be a kiss of death.

Carey does not receive any writing credit even though by all accounts it was her idea. Screenwriter Kate Lanier claims that she and Carey would also rewrite a great deal of the script on set, somehow improvisationaly. 

The cast is thin, even for a vanity piece. Terrence Howard plays a major role, as well as musician Shawntae Harris, who despite being 42 still goes by Da Brat. Speaking of thin, the film grossed $2.5 million against a budget of $22 million. It also holds the distinction of being the first film released after the terrorist attacks of 2001. 20^th Century Fox thought it could mend our hearts by dumping shit in our eyes.

KAEOF: Anything that is memorable besides Carey’s sweater puppies.