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To purge ourselves from the misery of last weeks movie we dowse ourselves in awesomeness and then light ourselves on fire (that was all figurative, in no way do we endorse lighting yourself on fire...unless you're a total tool, then go for it) and let Arnold take the show over it the quintessential action movie of the 1980s (maybe even ever) but still incredibly dumb, Commando.
Fall SMABFA Contenders
- Ben-Hur - Uh, you know you screwed up here.
- Nine Lives - Thanks for telling our kids they are stupid and will like anything. Their not and they hated this.
- The Mechanic: Resurrection - Statham takes a shot at getting that Best Bad Movie title. Possible surprise one here.
- Rings - So what? Sumara lives in Netflix now? Come on it worked (barely) with VHS but 20 years later is too much later....
The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor
- Joan Crawford - Mommie Dearest
- The Waits Family - Troll 2
- Mike Roark - Volcano
- Harry Dalton - Dante's Peak
About Commando (1985) - Movie Information
Sam's Boring Bullshit
Mark L. Lester is making his second, but most likely not last visit, to Stinker Madness from the directors chair. His first film we covered was, of course, Showdown in Little Tokyo. This week's film Commando, is among his most popular, along side the cult classic Class of 1984 and the John Candy vehicle, Armed and Dangerous. Fortunately for us Lester is still turning out stinkers. His most recent effort is 2014's Dragons of Camelot, and it looks like a lot, of bull shit.
Commando would mark the first collaboration of two Hollywood Heavyweights, the late great James Horner and Matthew F. Leonetti. For all it's failings Commando manages to rise above it's dubious ending, silly bad guy and most of it's contemporaries. I attribute this to the combination of music and visuals that carry the bulk of the film. I can't ever decide if this or the score from 48 hours is what I consider to be the seminal 80's action movie score. Ultimately I don't have to, James Horner did both. Though Jerry Goldsmith was doing some great things, they were a more traditional orchestral score. Horner was pushing the limits of with a full sound that would strike the viewer with nearly abrasive high notes. When I think of action scores, I think of James Horner.
Leonetti was fresh off being snubbed for his contribution shooting Poltergeist. Though not as well known or prolific as Horner, he did maintain status a preferred shooter through the 90's. Walter Hill would select the two of them to work on his films Red Heat and Another 48 Hours. For probably two decades action movies tried to look and sound like this one. I should mention the man who brought all of these people together frequently as well as names such as Donner and McTiernan was none other than Joel Silver, who is ironically being dissolved by a sea of producers that are just copying him.
Schwaz well be back so I don't need to talk much about him. Plus the break between this and his next appearance will give us a chance to do a better audit on how many illegitimate children he has.
Rae Dawn Chong just stopped being in stuff. I can't really explain why. She isn't bad. She's better looking than most women. I don't know why she stopped being in movies. She did appear in the Duplass brothers mumblecore film Jeff Who Lives at Home.
Alyssa Milano - No Thanks.
Vernon Wells was as menacing an imposing a big bad the big screen had seen when he was riding around on a motorcycle with a small gentleman who he was a little too friendly with in The Road Warrior. Once in America, he discovered the cheeseburger. The best they could do apparently is put him in chain mail. Because a fat guy in a sleeveless shirt is silly but a fat guy in a sleeveless shirt and chain mail, well that fat guy is an ass whoopin' machine.
KAEOF: Bill Duke, Dan "I know he can get the job but can he do the job" Hedaya, Bill Paxton and David Patrick Kelly as Sully.