Reporting from the Stinker Madness Achievement in Bad Film-making Awards Governor's Breakfast, held annually the Thursday prior to the Official Awards broadcast. This annual event, an adjunct to the auspicious and globally recognized SMABFAs, was staged this year at the prestigious 2.5 Star Riverside Hotel by the luxurious Boise River.
The black-tie acceptable event is held to recognize a wide variety of cinematic accomplishments from the previous year. Various Scientific & Technical Achievement awards were handed out in a range of disciplines, determined by the SMABFA Board of Regentsories inside the nearly filled-to-capacity event space/buffet room.
The SMABFA Awards present honors to the best and worst in crummy films each year with highest regards to the prestigious "Best Bad Movie" where top honors are given to the film that entertains while being incredibly stupid. Others are awarded to Worst Bad Actor for doing such a terrible job that throwing remotes through TVs is common behavior.
While these awards didn't quite make it into the official SMABFA show, they are no less important. These awards are for the rest of those in film that deserve a little damn credit for what they did (or didn't do) in 2015. Congrats to the winners and condolences to the everyone.
Nominees and winners of the Stinker Madness Achievement in Bad Film-making Awards Governor's Breakfast:
Chairman's Certificates of Merit:
Worst Opening Weekend - 10/23 - Jem And The Holograms, Rock The Casbah, The Last Witch Hunter, Paranormal Activity
Anemia Award for Ironic Merit: Protesters of The Green Inferno
Map of the Stars Honorarium: San Andreas with 2 weeks of shooting in CA
THE STAN LEE COMMEMORATIVE PLAQUE
Honoring the best surprise cameo appearance in film
Daniel Craig as Storm Trooper JB007 - Force Awakens
Mark Hamill - The Kingsmen
Channing Tatum - The Hateful Eight
Bill Hader & Ben Schwartz (Jean-Ralphio, Parks & Rec) helped lend voice of BB-8 - Force Awakens
WINNER Jimmy Buffet, The Margarita Savior - Jurassic World
THE BIG-GULP TROPHY (Sponsored by 7-11 stores)
Honoring the film that was the most over-sized, bloated, and content-free production
Terminator: Genysis 155m
The Seventh Son 95m
The Last Witch Hunter 90m
WINNER: San Andreas 110m
THE MICHAEL BAY COMMENDATION FOR SCRIPT WRITING
Honoring the film with the most empty screenplay, resembling Transformers writing
WINNER: Jem & The Holograms
TOMMY WISEAU ALUMINUM MICROPHONE
Honoring the most risible dialogue in cinema last year
50 Shades of Grey - "Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up, Anastasia." -- Christian Grey
Entourage - "It's like when a girl asks if you want to bang her hot sister. Of course you say 'no' but neither of you really believes you mean it, though." -- Johnny Drama
Jem and The Holograms - You're Internet famous. That's like the second best thing to being actually famous." -- Kimber
Fantastic Four - "I need a heat-resistant workshop, and a big-ass sunroof!" -- Johnny Storm
Mortdecai - "I had no idea I was so deep in Her Majesty's hole!" -- Mortdecai
WINNER: Jupiter Ascending
CAINE WISE: "You are royalty now. I'm a splice, you don't understand what that means. I have more in common with a dog than I have with you."
JUPITER JONES: "I love dogs, I've always loved dogs."
TALENT AGENCY AWARD OF NON-MERIT - THE ARI FLEICHER MEDAL
Honoring the performer misled into the most appearances in bad movies
Katherine Heigl - Jenny's Wedding; Home Sweet Hell
Liam Neeson -Taken 3;
Robert DiNiro - The Intern; Heist
Kevin Hart -The Wedding Ringer; Get Hard
WINNER: Ryan Guzman - The Boy Next Door; Jem And The Holograms; (TV) Heroes Reborn (cancelled)
THE AMITYVILLE HONOR
Awarded for the worst horror film
The Lazurus Effect
WINNER - The Gallows
THE DREW BARRYMORE CITATION
Awarded for the worst family film
WINNER: Alvin And the Chipmunks: The Road Chip
THE BO DEREK ENDOWMENT
For valorous achievement while unadorned on camera
Dakota Johnson, various humiliations - 50 Shades of Grey
Alicia Vikander, as a dancing robot - Ex Machina
Zombie strippers - The Scout's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse
WINNER: Kristin Wiig, walking through a casino - Welcome To Me
Despite Brad's affection for bent cultural offerings he still has found willing outlets for his writing. Currently the respected socio-political site The Federalist drops its standards and allows him to cover the movie industry. He has contributed to such outlet as Movieline (covering industry business and the Bad Movies We Love column) as well as Big Hollywood, CHUD, and even ComicBookMovie.com. For leisure he enjoys well crafted beer and poorly crafted films (intentionally) and bad hockey teams (unintentionally). For more social commentary, and the occasional buzz-tweeting of bad DVDs, you can follow him on Twitter @martinishark.
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