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Prelude to Vampire's Kiss

Prelude to Vampire's Kiss
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We open this week with a look at what could have been if "Superman Lives", starring Nic Cage, had ever been made. Special credits to Kevin Smith's (yes that Kevin Smith) original script. Serious credit to Kevin Mcleod at incomptech.com for the music. We hope you enjoy.

Jackie brings in the supposed "Cagiest of Cages" this week with Vampire's Kiss. Is Nic Cage doing the worst job ever or was his performance something a naive 1989 critical audience just wasn't ready for?

Streaming Do's and Don'tsSlaughterhouse - Shudder (sorry we said Starz on the podcast)Poltergeist II - StarzHorror High - YouTube (sorry we said Starz on the podcast)The Great Superpower Debate

Clairvoyance of when someone is going to poop next - oofff.... 1 out of 10 - Our worst superpower ever...

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Street Trash

Street Trash
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A fairly accurate look into the life and mind of the bum that captures the essence of the transient; 100% crazy. Take a bunch of homeless people and then stuff them full of the worst alcohol ever created and watch them melt. Plus many not safe for children topics including penis keep-away...wait what?

Street Trash really isn't for everyone. On many levels, it is almost too morally offensive. There's several sequences that are almost too uncomfortable. These bums are horrible, horrible people. They truly care about nothing but themselves and have as little regard for human life as Dr. Josef Mengele. Enter at your own risk and do not bring a date to a viewing of Street Trash.

If you can not only suspend your disbelief but also suspend your revulsion of disgusting people, there's alot of good stuff here. Spoiler Alert - This movie is "about" melting bums. There's a batch of hard alcohol called Viper that when consumed turns your insides-out and makes your guts turn into spectacular colored paint. Very interesting. Melting bums are the least gross thing in this film. That's how awful the actions of these bums are.

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Prelude to Street Trash

Prelude to Street Trash
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This week Sam brings in an seriously oddball in Street Trash, the tale of many, many, many insane bums that like to do horrible things to others.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsProphecy II - NetflixThe Crippled Avengers - NetflixBest of the Best 4 - NetflixThe Great Superpower DebateSelf-Replication w/many caveats - 6 starsAbout Street Trash - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

The year is 1986. Fresh off his first job as a Steadicam operator on the film Spookies, James Michael Muro, then 21 years of age would embark on expanding his short film into a feature. What would follow is the 1987 film Street Trash. Street Trash opens with a series of Steadicam shots and then quickly darts into the realm of nonsense. I was unable to find if the original short film was written by Roy Fumkes but the feature length work seems to understand the psyche of the bum completely, while not understanding genre or storytelling at any level. This film is labeled a horror, specifically a body horror.  Now there are other films that ride the body horror angle without really being a horror, some of Cronenberg's work, none to this extent. If I had to pick a genre for this film it would be adventure. Though the misadventures of bums is not really an adventure, nor is never leaving a 3 block radius.  Bumventure is not a subgenre of film, if it was this would be more of a bum-venture than a body horror. In some defense of it's classification the film is very goopy and considered by most fans of the melt movies to be a melt-erpiece.   

Muro would go on to be an industry preferred Steadicam operator, Cameron has used him since The Abyss. He was probably too proficient an operator for his own good. His 67 credits at that position are from the obscure to the academy award winning, see Maniac Cop or LA Confidential. It wasn't until recently that he found his way back into the director’s chair, most recently the series Longmire.

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Q: The Winged Serpent

Q: The Winged Serpent
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That ol' nasty Aztec cult living in NYC rears its ugly head again and resurrects a giant flying hotdog-turtle that eats bikini ladies. Meanwhile, a low level criminal butthole douchebag treats his girlfriend poorly and then takes a couple of barely working cops on an egg chase.

Believe it or not, this film shouldn't be called "Q", unless "Q" stand for "Quinn" because this film is not about a flying dinosaur(?) worshipped by an Aztec cult. It's truly about Jimmy Quinn, a low level criminal that doesn't understand how to do his job and his quest for fame and fortune, set to the background of a giant flying serpent attacking NYC. Here's a simple test to verify this: Tell us what the story of Q is in this film and then tell us what the story of Jimmy Quinn is in this film. You have a beginning, middle and end to Quinn; you understand his motivations, his relationships and his desires. Quinn is the main story.

What is the motivation of Q? Is he hungry? No, he doesn't really eat anyone. Is it just pissed? Maybe, but he should be stoked because he's got people sacrificing to him? Is it protecting its child? No, he's flying all over the place and not by the "nest". Is Q even intelligent? 

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Prelude to Q

Prelude to Q
q-the-winged-serpent-movie-poster-1983-1020195479-1117
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This week its time for a definite must see stinker in Q: The Winged Serpent, starring Michael Moriarty, David Carradine, and Richard Roundtree. Sam and Justin have already proclaimed this as making both their Top 10 Year in Review films so you don't want to miss this one.

Streaming Dos and Dont's

Make sure to pick this 50 movie set Sci-Fi Invasion at Walmart. There's a ton of great bad movies on it and we highly recommend it.

Hands of Steel - YoutubeTop Line - YoutubeUnfriended - HBO NowThe Great Super Power Debate

Never requiring sleep or rest - 4.5 out of 10

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American Ninja

American Ninja
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Private Joe Armstrong (Michael Dudikoff) makes his dramatic debut to Stinker Madness with enough cool guy stares to melt a polar bear when he and Steve James team-up to punch and kick guys....and shoot them...and blow them up....sometimes run them over....and other ways you can kill guys.

Joining us for this episode is Joe Fulgham from the always funny and sometimes grody podcast, Caustic Soda. If you've never heard or had the chance to listen to these guys you are blowing it. As in "not ever having seen No Holds Barred blowing it". We listen to each and every episode, its that good.

Check out Caustic Soda

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Prelude to American Ninja

Prelude to American Ninja
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Well, who didn't see this one making it to the program? It's 1). Michael J. Dudikoff 2). Cannon Films and 3). Ninja baloney that doesn't require any working knowledge of ninjas, just that they are sweet. 

We've got a VERY special guest for the American Ninja main episode, Joe Fulgham from the Caustic Soda Podcast. You don't want to miss this one.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsEverly - NetflixTurbo Kid - NetflixThe Great Superpower Debate

The power to freeze time within spheres around you - 1 out of 10 - The worst superpower ever!

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Turkey Shoot

Turkey Shoot
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The deadliest game comes to Stinker Madness once again in the form of Ozploitation with 1982's Turkey Shoot. Brian Trenchard-Smith delivers a classic stinker with some seriously insane sequences and a hell of lot of fun.

Turkey Shoot has a reputation for being pretty hardcore with heavy exploitative tones and excessive gore. We're not really seeing it. This is a fairly tame movie (in relative terms) to other "exploitation" films (see Cannibal Ferox, Mad Foxes, Killer Elephants et al.) So no one should go into this one thinking they are gonna get really offended or grossed out.

There is a ton of great performances and memorable characters. The cast is great with especially epic jobs from Roger Ward, Carmen Duncan and Steve Railsback. Olivia Hussey does a pretty good job of playing an innocent virginal character that makes no sense. She however does NOT do a good job of shooting a .50 cal.

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Prelude to Turkey Shoot

Prelude to Turkey Shoot
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Finally we get to another Ozploitation film.  This time it comes in the form of a dystopian society that hasn't learned to "NEVER HUNT A MAN" in Turkey Shoot or Escape 2000 from Brian-Trenchard Smith. The full movie is finally on YouTube so be sure to watch this one. It's a hoot.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsThe Prophecy - NetflixThe Worst Sports Movies We've EverEd - The further we get away from Ed, the more we like it. It's a strange phenomenon.No Holds Barred - Imaginary Non-People Sanctioned Street Fighting on TVThe Babe - John Goodman stars as Babe Ruth and it completely doesn't work. Hokey and cheesy.Over the Top - Arm Wrestling Truckers....that's a sport right? Ruining your child's future may also be a sport.Rocky V - Rocky is suddenly poor....after defeating Communism...huh...Mathilda the Boxing Kangaroo - How did Eliott Gould get involved in this? Future Stinker Madness episodeThe Fish that Saved Pittsburgh - People born under the sign of pisces team up to save basketball in Pittsburgh with their star powers...Future Stinker Madness episode.The Great Super Power Debate

Immunity to poison gas - 2.5 out of 10

About Turkey Shoot - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Turkey Shoot was released in Australia in 1982 but didn’t grace America's shores until 1983, when it was re-titled Escape 2000. It is one of the more beloved films to come out of the Ozploitation era. Director Brian-Trenchard Smith is making his second appearance on Stinker Madness, his first being The Man From Hong Kong. He will undoubtedly by back, probably between 5 and 10 times. This guy gets it done with none.... money that is. The standard of a BTS (Brian Trenchard-Smith) production is a look and feel much bigger than the budget.

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2015 SMABFA Awards

2015 SMABFA long

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The hottest awards for bad films in 2015 are here and the winners are all set. Listen to the 2015 SMABFA Podcast and check out all the nominees and winners below.

And the Nominees  & Winners are (winner in bold):Best Bad Movie - The Most Enjoyable Bad MoviePaul Blart Mall Cop 2The Transporter RefueledFurious 7Jupiter AscendingThe Last Witch HunterWorst Bad Movie - The Least Enjoyable Bad MovieHot PursuitMortdecaiAlohaFantastic FourThe GallowsBest Bad Actor - Most Enjoyable Performance by a Male ActorRay Stevenson - Transporter RefueledEddie Redmayne - Jupiter AscendingPaul Bettany - MortdecaiRupert Friend - Hitman: Agent 47Jason Statham - Furious 7Paul Walker - Furious 7Best Bad Actress - Most Enjoyable Performance by a Female ActorEmma Stone - AlohaDakota Johnson - 50 ShadesJulianne Moore - Seventh SonRose Leslie - Last Witch HunterJuliette Lewis - Jem and the HologramsMST3K Most Riffable - The easiest and most fun to make fun of film while viewingJupiter Ascending50 Shades of GreyLast Witch HunterPoint BreakSeventh SonNew SMABFA Categories:Worst Bad Actor - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Male ActorJohnny Depp - MortdecaiEddie Redmayne - Jupiter AscendingEdgar Ramirez - Point BreakJeff Bridges - Seventh SonRyan Shoos - The GallowsWorst Bad Actress - Least Enjoyable Performance by a Female ActorTeresa Palmer - Point BreakSofia Vergara - Hot PursuitKate Mara - Fantastic FourReese Witherspoon - Hot PursuitJulianne Moore - Seventh SonLeast Funny Comedy - The "Comedy" movie that is the least humorousHot PursuitPixelsPaul Blart Mall Cop 2MortdecaiEligible Films for 2015:No EscapePoint BreakAloha Hot PursuitMortdecaiPixelsThe Gallows Taken 3Fantastic Four Seventh SonJupiter Ascending Hitman: Agent 47The Transporter RefueledJem and the HologramsThe Last Witch HunterPaul Blart: Mall Cop 2 50 Shades of GreyFurious 7

The SMABFA awards will be listed on this page and presented on the Stinker Madness podcast as a special episode released on February 15th, 2016 at approximately 10AM MST. Make sure to tune into the Stinker Madness Podcast and listen to the SMABFA Awards Show.

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Jem and the Holograms

Jem and the Holograms
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In October of 2015, Jem and the Holograms was released into US theaters with much fanfare, and by fanfare I mean people asking "They remade Jem? Well that was dumb..." and then one week later it was nowhere to be found, instantly making it a SMABFA contender. Whose idea was this anyways?

Jem is a moral tale for females of the Millenial generation. So think of the most annoying thing in the world. Correct, its a teenage girl from that generation. So that's not good. However, the moral really is a good one; that girls shouldn't be who society dictates they should be, they should be themselves and revel in their own strengths and weaknesses. It's a great moral and we at Stinker Madness fully support it.

The problem with Jem is the moral gets completely lost in the presentation. Sure, the plot is stupid. Sure, acting is not so good. Sure, the hunky boy is a total douche with the obligatory shirtless scene. These problems can be managed. The problem with Jem is the constant use of YouTube videos of other real life teenagers "practicing" music intercut into dialogue and montages. They are a hideous distraction and painfully annoying. Just what this film needs, more Internetting....blech.

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Prelude to Jem and the Holograms

Prelude to Jem and the Holograms
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This week we finish off the last of our 2015 SMABFA contenders with the remake of Jackie's favorite 80's band of cartoon ladies. Could Jem and the Holograms preserve the cheese of the original cartoon or will they try to modernize it, making it completely boring?

Jackie's Movie Call Cast List

What animal do you bring to a open call casting so that the producer chooses you. What?!?!

Get ready for the SMABFAs! They are coming out next week! Check for updates here.

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Starship Troopers

Starship Troopers
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Paul Verhoeven had a vision for a caricature of a Fascist future society and totally nails it in the guise of a silly space battle movie. Toss in a 3 way love story with incredibly strong and easy to care for characters, exceptional acting and you've got one of hell of a good movie.

Why then is this movie on Stinker Madness? Well because in 1997 the critics and Sam and Justin made a single mistake; they didn't get this movie. The world wasn't ready for Starship Troopers. We were expecting a film adaptation of the Robert Heinlein science fiction novel of the same title. We weren't expecting a high school football game with backflips. We weren't expecting children smashing beetles and mothers laughing maniacally at it. We weren't expecting Robocop and Total Recall with a serious story and moral statement. So it was panned by critics. Thus making it a "bad movie". But it truly is a masterpiece in pop culture.

We applaud Verhoeven's use of exposition in the clever guise of the "Would you like to know more?" Internet commercials. The entire universe is setup in these quick interjections and in a fast paced and entertaining manner, while some of the funnest moments come in these. The heaviest statements about this world take place in these and are hilarious. The children fighting over the guns and military passing out huge bullets, "The only good bug, is a dead bug", and the aforementioned children smashing beetles under foot.

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Prelude to Starship Troopers

Prelude to Starship Troopers
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With this episode of the famed Stinker Madness Podcast we prepare for 1997's Starship Troopers from master of stuff, Paul Verhoeven. Despite having a solid IMDB user rating, the critics panned it. Does Johnny Rico get better with age? Can Denise Richards be more than just walking boobs? IS the only good bug a dead bug?

Streaming Do's and Don'tsThe Runner - NetflixPop Quiz, Hot Shot? - How do they do drugs in film?Sniffing cocaine - powdered lactoseHeroin cooking - sugar & baking sodaSmoking weed - Wizard Weed - weed with no THC. Same things cops use when they go undercover.Crack rocks - Rock candy OR glue and baking sodaNeedle injections - prosthetic arms, trick needles, OR for budget movies - stunt guy just frickin' does it.The Great Superpower DebateFace freezing power - 2.5/10About Starship Troopers - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

My confused relationship with this film begins in 1997 when I saw it at the theater. It was as any of my confused relationships have gone. I take a girl out to tacos and then afterwards there is that “should I ask her to ice cream even though I am not that into her” moment. I don’t ask and two years later I find out she was allergic to tacos and she just wanted to tug me off in her Camaro. That is when I realize, holy shit, I didn’t get what was going on there, I would have totally got my wiener pulled in the back of an American classic, alas that ship had sailed and the tug boat headed down the stream to tow a different load into the bay of soiled upholstery. That is about what happened with me and this movie. When it came out I thought it was okay but kind of weird, totally didn’t get it. I read the novel about 5 months after seeing the film and would, for the next five years or so, hold Starship Troopers as the gold standard for how to fuck up a novel.

Edward Neumeier wrote a script that was called Bug Hunt on Outpost Nine. After the similarities between it and the Heinlein novel were noticed it was then adjusted to be an adaptation of sorts. Verhoeven admittedly was unable to read more than a couple of chapters of the book, as it made him bored and depressed, his opinion being that it was far to right wing. Wherever Neumeier started and however close he was pushed to the novel, Verhoeven had his own plan on the movie he wanted to make. I find it odd as I think he is arguing the same points as Heinlein, just overtly and in a satirical voice, where as Heinlein told the story with such a subversive matter of fact tone that some have called the novel fascist intellectual pornography. I thought it was a real page turner.

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Point Break (1991)

Point Break (1991)
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For 25 years, people have been celebrating a film about a FBI guy spending 3/4 of the movie trying to get fired and perhaps sent to prison, while steadily falling in love with a dude brah. Since its release apparently no one has watched it because this crap stinks and not in good ways.

I'm sorry to say everyone but this movie just isn't very good NOR is it very bad. It is as middle of the road and completely unremarkable as any movie has ever existed. What? It's not very good? 

Point Break isn't good because:

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Prelude to Point Break (1991)

Prelude to Point Break (1991)
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Johnny Utah finally graces our presence in Kathryn Bigelow's second appearance on the show. Can it POSSIBLY be a good movie? Can it be a bad movie that everyone thinks is good? Or is it just the same as her Near Dark and just meh? Least Busey is in it.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsTomb Raider: The Cradle of Life - Netflix (No longer available)The Thaw - Amazon PrimeThe Brain that Wouldn't Die - (with MST3K) - YouTubeDarkman - NetflixThe Great Superpower Debate

Telekinesis limited to 8 ft range and 40 lbs. - 6.5 stars

About Point Break - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Despite winning Academy Award both for Best Picture and Best Director, Kathryn Bigelow is making her second visit to the Stinker Studios. We will of course remember her first visit, Near Dark, though we have all tried to forget, so hard we try. If she does as good as she did with Zero Dark 30 again there will be no denying her a second set of Oscars, likewise she could be back here for K-19: The Widowmaker, if one of us were so inclined.

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Point Break (2015)

Point Break (2015)
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For years people have been requesting a remake of a really stupid and poorly thought out 90's movie with horrendous acting and too many "dude bros" and then make it much much stupider. Wait...no one asked for that? Then wait the hell is the point of Point Break (2015)?

The story of 2015's Point Break is truly one of the more poorly thought plots in recent memory. Johnny Utah must go undercover into some extreme guys again and to do it he must also do extreme stuff to build up their trust. There the plot similarity ends. The real dumb stuff is the motivation of Bodhi and his crew. They are going to save the Earth (environmentally, ie. "Mans progress is totally harshing my groove, bro" crap)...by doing 8 extreme sport/stunts. Yup. Save the Earth by jumping off stuff. Now one can argue that they are environmental terrorists who are going to stop corporations from damaging the Earth by extreme criminality but at no point would any of their stunts do that, one, in fact, damages the Earth more than the activity they are preventing and then halfway through the movie, they just give up on that completely and just do extreme sports so, as Bodhi puts it, "become one with the Earth". If only "becoming one with the Earth" meant splattering into the side of it at terminal velocity.

Dumb story aside, the primary problem with Point Break is that the stunts and action sequences are painfully uninteresting. They are long and drawn out shots of dudes doing extreme sports. While that sounds ok, it's really just the same level of enjoyment of watching a Warren Miller or a Krusties video. You know the ones of just guys skiing, snowboarding, motorcycling, jumping off stuff videos in slow motion. One thing you gotta do is make these things more interesting and exciting than a TV show on MTV (Nitro Circus). The stunts are drab and too long. 

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Sssssss

Sssssss
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In what very well may be the worst mad scientist plan of all time, Professor Stoner (didn't make that up) turns innocent David from Man to Snakeman to.....well mongoose lunch. It's ssssssso ssssssstupid! It should be mentioned that no other film on this podcast is as worthy of being a MST3K episode.

Sssssss suffers from being not only very poorly thought out but also has some of the least movie making efforts ever attempted in film. It's not quite as useless as Frogs but tries to dupe us that it is a film but just showing shot after shot of crazy! snakes. However, they are live snakes and the actors aren't trained professionals so that at least makes these sequences viewable. Each sequence of snake business is spent wondering if the actors are going to get bit or smooshed or if they are accidentally going to kill one of the little serpents. ASPCA be damned!

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Heather Menzies-Urich here. Her hair....wow. And those glasses....wow. No film heroine has ever nailed a Danny Partridge impression so well. Her visage is like the front end of a bus with a bike rack on it...right before it runs you over. Yipes!

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Prelude to Sssssss

Prelude to Sssssss
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This week Justin rolls the dice on maybe the worst movie title of all time. Seriously, try to tell your friends your watching Sssssss and listen how it comes out of your mouth. Onomatopoeia should never be used in film titles. But we think its about snake men...

Streaming Do's and Don'tsMoonraker - Hulu PlusThe Living Daylights - Hulu PlusTomorrow Never Dies - Hulu PlusThe Greatest Super Power Debate

Fish Man - 6.5 stars

About Sssssss - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

7 “S”s is sssssuposed to be pronounced sssssss but thatssss ssssstupid. The poster has a woman’s mouth with a tiny cobra in it, which is also stupid. The only thing stupider than a movie about killer snakes is a movie about killer snake mans… man. That’s what this movie is about; killer snake mans. 

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The Apple

The Apple
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In the year 1994, disco has become such a force in culture that record producers can rule the government forcing the citizens of Earth to face prison time and social rejection if they are not down with "BIM"...we still aren't sure what BIM is but apparently you must be down with it. However, we are not.

This movie stinks! Wow is this not how you make a movie and its such a mess that it becomes a spectacle. Normally, movies that predict the future are pretty off in their predictions of how we live but this one is WAAAAYYYY off. I don't remember glam in 1994's music. Maybe I misses something but I don't remember flannel having alot of glitter on it. But this film just can't believe that disco and "The Bay City Rollers" weren't going to rule music.

When compared to similar musical films of 1980, this is maybe the worst musical of all time. Note I'm not saying worse as a movie than Xanadu or Can't Stop the Music, but worse as a musical. The difference is that the music in this film is awful. Its a musical and the music is garbage. The dancing is preposterous. All of the other failings of this film take a back seat to how bad the music is.

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